hi there justlilme,
like i always say, everybody in this world makes mistakes, at times. that's how we grow and learn. and we never stop learning until we die...so, try not to be extremely harsh with yourself. i was told that i am very hard on myself, as well, and the truth is that yes, i believe i was, and may still be somewhat. but, what is the point anyway? does it get us anywhere? not really, it just gives us lots of headaches and anxiety...
i understand your reasons of feeling "shame" when dealing with your children's teachers, etc.,--but you know what? ....once again...i'm sure that once you sit down with any of those people involved with your kids, andyou talk to them about--about anything, even about random things,--they (and most importantly you) will see that you have absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about!!!! yes, mothers especially, tend to think that their kids' behavior and manners, and sometimes even their husbands's behavior (
) is a reflection of them. well, the child part is partly true, but only to an extent. for all anybody can know, the child may be going through something that the parents have absolutely no control over (i.e., adhd; child depression-that manifests itself in irritablity and anger, etc.)....i'm not saying your children are going through this, i'm just trying to give an example, as to what other kinds of things kids may go through when they tantrum, as opposed to having people think they are just not disiplined or that they engage in unruly behavior simply for the heck of it, which in turn reflects poorly on the parents.
justlilme, you're extremely sensitive to how others see you and the children. it's ok to be a bit sensitive, but it's also ok not to pay too much attention to all those other people. after all, they aren't perfect either!!!! except you and i don't know about it. oh, how i wish i were with you when they said "she gets upset very easily." i would have shown them just how easily i do get upset
by the way, with what you're going through, i believe you're handling your kids wonderfully....you pick them up, drop them off, volunteer at their school...let me tell you, some depressed people cannot do all these things!!!!! i for one, am on your side!!!!!