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Old 04-06-2007, 01:30 PM   #1
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Exclamation why does everyone think im not trying!?

i had thee most depressing app with my doc this week. why is it that because i dont get better its assumed im not trying. im doing all i can right now just to stay here. i decided to just screw it and be honest about what id been doing, like harming still and stuff like that. then she said that i hadnt actually tried anything that was suggested to me! i dont understand what she means now. i went to cousnelling-both actually, im trying hard but i actually dont understand my owns problems so its hard to even start, i called helplines, i joined help thingys, i did try the harming distractions and they never worked. they say keep busy-but its always there and i cant be constantly moving or busy-it catches up with me, its something that is here to stay until i feel better-whenever that may be. i did what different people suggested, worked less hours, work more hours, ive been trying to do more work for UNI but havent even put a dent in it , i told freinds and tried so hard to be open like they said-it takes everything i have just to make that step and then to be told i havent tried anything is like being punched-id have prefferred it if shed just punched me actually! have they forgotten i just let out over 10yrs worth of secrets and the depression has been here 5yrs almost, i feel angry that theyre frustrated-how dare they be frustarted when they tell me hypotcrical things about keep going and not giving in, ive had it 5years yet they are struggling with a few months!-they are the ones who are giving up

im worreid everyone is giving up, that im unfixable. she kept saying'what are we going to do with you'-she really didnt know and asked me seriously what are we going to do wtih me because she has done everything she can but its outside her area, the assessments didnt move things, counselling doesnt seem to be working she said and nothing has changed, she said in a really hopless tone that the psych is a shot we can give a go-but it was like if that doesnt work thats it-what the hell am i supposed to do then! its worse to have went and got help and it not to have worked than to have left it like i did for 4 years-cos then i still had the reassurance that there was a chance of getting better-but now there might not be

im stuck now. im trying even though i doesnt appear so, i try so hard but im totally exhausted, they say to do things and it doesnt have an effect, i do pysichal things to try and ease things but it wont change my head. i have no control over the depression, it comes when it wants and leaves when it wants(whoch is never really!). i feel like theyre pressuring me and getting angry cos im not getting better therefore they think i never bother, but they wont listen properly when i say i am, it comes back to the same stupid stuff like'you have to want to get better', i do so much but i dont know how to. so that means im stuck, theyll eventually lose patience and i have no control over it, ive been thinking maybe i should lie and say im soo happy now and that i dont harm-but how is that better when ill still be depressed with no one. it makes me angry and i feel like the doc is beginning to separate herself from the whole thing cos shes giving me up as a hopeless case.

has anyone else had this probelm, or been unfixable. does it sound like my doc is about to leave???? please help, im so ****ing confused.

xox
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Old 04-06-2007, 02:14 PM   #2
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Re: why does everyone think im not trying!?

OMG! I was just thinking the same thing today...I promise...not even 30 minutes ago! "Why others think we're not trying"! It IS like being punched in the stomach! I know exactly what you mean about how frustrating and defeating it is when those you trust(ed) get all snarly about it. I, too have felt like "acting" like a happy, perky darn wind-up Barbie doll just to shut everyone up! So, on depressed days, I stay to myself if at all possible. Even when I don't talk about it, THEY bring it up! It's as if they are looking for reasons to prove we're not trying and then we have to deal with more "rejection".

If I've learned anything, it's this: be very careful in whom you confide. It's tricky. There are those with pure motives who honestly do want to help but then they get frustrated because they apparently think depression is like the common cold that can be treated with decongestants! They seem to make it all about them because "you aren't better" so they project their frustration and selfishness onto the one suffering depression with comments like, 'You aren't trying" or other degrading digs.

These are the people we MUST limit contact with. They only bring us down.

I now only talk to others that have dealt or are dealing with depression about it. Those who haven't suffered it don't get it and I often wonder if they even want to understand it.

And if your own doctor is acting this way...find another doctor! Us depressed folks have enough bull to deal with, without a non-understanding doctor to add to it!

The good news is: God knows you are trying.

Last edited by Vintage Wine; 04-06-2007 at 02:20 PM.

 
Old 04-06-2007, 02:59 PM   #3
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Re: why does everyone think im not trying!?

hi! thanks for getting back so fast-im dying here. i see what you mean about my doc, but i cannot leave her. i have big big major trust issues, it took years and years to open up to a single person, she was it. and if im honest she has been good. i know i drag her down at times i think. im there all the time, i call her and write. i understand how frustrated she must be-but not to sound selfish-but what about me? she has been positive up until now and gentle when she knows im nervous of things, i dont understand why she is being so harsh on me, i think because of my monotone voice and unenthusiastic appearnce she thinks i cant be bothered. i trust her with my secrets and i dont often do that, she has them now and i cant just leave. why can she not understand i have NO control, im sick of this bull about you can channel it, you can chnage your thoughts. i realise that if you have a glare of hope but i have nothing, i dont make my moods up with what im thinking or moaning about in my head-its the moods that make me think such negative things. i really cant pull myself up when like this, i can only move about empty. all im doing now is standing still. i beleive in the beginning that she honestly wanted to help, i know it, but now i feel shes fed up and frustrated, it has been a bumpy ride, but why then should she leave it all with me.

i hate being angry at her, i feel mean and bad. but i will be beyond furious if she leaves me. how can someone encourage me so much to tell my secrets, opening up has almost killed me, i cant count the number of times ive been squeezing pills or counting them out in my hands because its just too much. how can they trail it out of you, **** you about with apps, assessments, make mistakes, give you nothing in return and after all of it decide theyve gotten tired and that you should move on?? they cant just put me through this and say goodbye like it was nothing!

she hasnt actually said'yopu are not trying', she said'you havent actually tried anything they asked you to do then'(i did!), or my personal favourate ';you have to want to get better-do you?', -what kind of ****ing loser loves being miserbale?!!!!!! the harming is just a symptom, not the disease, i do it to keep me going not to bring me down like they think!!

god im so angry!!!!!!!!!!!! i cant even limit contact with her because if i dont talk about things its like ive been left with this mess, theyve opened me up, a lot of thoughts i buried and they just whack them open and leave me-i need someone there proffessional-im not asking for her to invent a magic cure, i know she cant-why can she just not be there for me and understand im trying my best?

should i talk to her about it, its ****ing up the whole trust thing, i feel like now she hates me so its hard to talk. please help, xox
__________________
My hands are small
i know
But theyre not yours, they
are my own
But theyre not yours,
they are my own
And i am never broken

 
Old 04-06-2007, 03:26 PM   #4
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Re: why does everyone think im not trying!?

I agree with vintage that you may need to find another Dr. I had to leave my therapist after 7 years because he started taking some of my secrets personally. I just started with a new one and LOVE her! Once you've been honest with someone professionally, it's easier to do it again- I promise.
I told this new therapist a lot in our first hour and will tell her more next week. I NEED to get it OUT OF MY HEAD and out in the open- with someone appropriate. Friends get tired of hearing that we are not ok. They only ask because they hope we'll say we are ok or better or something positive. Don't rely on them.
Hang in there- you can get through this!

 
Old 04-06-2007, 03:51 PM   #5
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Re: why does everyone think im not trying!?

hi pucca,

i see you're really mad and frustrated today. wanted to ask you, why do you keep going to that dr. anyway? is it necessary for you? i thought that once you got a therapist, you won't be needing her as much anymore. also wanted to say that she is NOT going to leave you, so don't worry about that!!! ok? the thing is, you need to talk to the therapist about these things, not to the doctor, because she's not trained for that sort of thing, pucca! remember? me and sannah told you that before. i know you think and feel that the therapist is not helping you right now, but we never said it's going to take only 4 or 5 sessions for things to get better. therapy is really ongoing....sometimes it takes many months (or even years, as in my case and probably many people's cases) to continue to do the work that needs to be done.

she may have said those things to you because she probably didn't know what else to say. but i do hear you and imagine how you felt when she said, "you havent actually tried anything they asked you to do then", and "you have to want to get better-do you?" --why did she say that? do you remember what you told her to make her say that? and what exactly did "They" tell you? by them, i'm guessing she means the therapist, right? what did that one tell you to do that the dr. thinks you haven't done, anyway?

i know what you mean when you say you can't change your thoughts overnight. it's not possible to do it so fast!!!! our moods and emotions are so much stronger sometimes than our thoughts (no wonder we need help in redirecting them), so please don't think of yourself as "unfixable" because it's not true!!! if i were to think like that of myself, i'd also be "unfixable"--despite meds and therapy for the past 13 years now. imagine that!!

please don't lose hope and don't think it's not going to work, chicka. if i found at least some sort of benefit by going to therapy and by taking meds, i'm sure you will too.

my heart goes out to you, hon.
hugs, hugs, hugs
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Old 04-06-2007, 03:53 PM   #6
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Re: why does everyone think im not trying!?

Quote:
Originally Posted by greenidme View Post
Friends get tired of hearing that we are not ok. They only ask because they hope we'll say we are ok or better or something positive.
hi greenidme,

also-- i sometimes feel people just ask to be polite, but don't really care, or can't truly understand anyway, especially those who have no idea what depression is really like.
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Old 04-06-2007, 04:12 PM   #7
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Re: why does everyone think im not trying!?

hey thanks for getting back ( well, see the doc is the first person a i told, and its soo annoying cos im finding it impossible to shift my trust from her to the therapist, i trust my therapist, but she doesnt have the same warmth or something-its weird, maybe cos she was man before i dont know i like her though, she is funny and all, i havent held back on anything really i can think of. for me 1hour a week isnt enough, then my dr seems to fill in the gaps every few weeks when i feel alone again even with a therapist,also, she makes me feel more realistic about it, my therapist obviously has to say'yes you can get through this', but my doc is more medical and logical, i can read her better and stuff, i see her for the harming too when it needs fixed-which in recent times has been often. then i see her for preparation for assessments and letters to the UNI and other services, thers quite a lot to do really. then is see another counsellor now for my academic stuff too.

see i dont know, im confused now, she never made sense. she said i didnt try the things the assessment people told me, but i did, i told her this, she didnt look like she beleived me though, then i told her all the other stuff and asked her what she wanted me to do -to which she said 'i dont know'. so now i get the feeling she said this because she herself cant see why its not working.

'they' told me to contact the counselling organisation they gave me-which i did, gave me distaracting methods for harming which i try still but it doesnt work, and then i added to that by seeing a counsellor for academic stuff, going back to work. i dont get why people think i dont try?! do you think i dont?

im so fed up...again!

xox
__________________
My hands are small
i know
But theyre not yours, they
are my own
But theyre not yours,
they are my own
And i am never broken

 
Old 04-06-2007, 05:28 PM   #8
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Re: why does everyone think im not trying!?

Pucca Chick, I have never posted to you before......although I have read many of your posts and honestly didnt give you any advice because I've never experienced anything like what you're going through. But if its worth anything at all, I think you are a wonderful soul, who god bless her, is trying to find her way out of something so stressful. But you keep trying, and you keep asking for help, that is very courageous on your part! I saw your post the other day about trying some pills and I saw people worrying for you.......I just wanted you to know that although you didnt know it, I too was very happy to see your post the next morning!
God bless you, I wish you pure "peace of mind"...and I know that Sannah and Dakota and all the others here can help you through this....you're a good soul Pucca, you just need to believe in yourself because you're alot stronger than you realize!!


Carsam

Last edited by mary09; 04-06-2007 at 07:07 PM.

 
Old 04-06-2007, 05:56 PM   #9
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Re: why does everyone think im not trying!?

Pucca, once again your doc is frustrated because she has no clue how people get better. Getting better takes time, you have to work through all of your issues and you will do this with your therapist and you are very fixable.

 
Old 04-06-2007, 07:22 PM   #10
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Re: why does everyone think im not trying!?

Quote:
Originally Posted by pucca_chick
she said in a really hopless tone
pucca, is it possible your doc had an off day today? It's possible, right? Doctors are not supposed to have bad days, but they are human.




Quote:
Originally Posted by Vintage Wine View Post
...Those who haven't suffered it don't get it and I often wonder if they even want to understand it......
This is so true, those who never experienced depression don't understand it because it's not a physical thing, they can't see something like a broken arm on your body. When I was married, my husband at some point said he was depressed, he couldn't get out of bed, missed work, etc... I thought he was just being lazy... Now that I have depression, I fully understand. There are some people who do understand depression, but the majority don't. I just read something here that I can't find right now that someone is doing all they can to understand their mom's depression... how wonderful that is!! I wish everyone had to take a "class" in what depression is and feels like to those who suffer it.

 
Old 04-06-2007, 07:49 PM   #11
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Re: why does everyone think im not trying!?

Quote:
Originally Posted by carsam View Post
Depression sucks all around for the people that have it, and the people that love them....we're all in it together..

Thanks for your comments....much appreciated.
Carsam
Well what a wonderful daughter you are!! Like the Cymbalta commercial says "Depression Hurts"... it sure does, the depressed person and the entire family (even the cute little puppy in the ad ).

Some people do understand... I am lucky to have a sister who is a nurse who understands and my immediate manager understands... that helps more than you can know... your mother is lucky to have you.

and pucca, if you give your therapist some time, I'm sure she will start helping you as much as your GP does. You didn't get depressed overnight, it won't get fixed overnight. xoxox

 
Old 04-07-2007, 06:55 AM   #12
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Re: why does everyone think im not trying!?

It's interesting that mental health problems are the only problems people (including counselors and doctors) expect you to be able to fix yourself. It's like getting an infection and someone saying "Your infection isn't going away, you're not trying hard enough!"

Do people not understand that for people who by their very diagnosis have a lack of motivation and who are getting fed up with life might need to be encouraged and not berated?

I will admit, some people don't try to get better, and sometimes it takes someone giving them a forceful wake-up call in order for them to start getting better. Maybe that's what is happening in this situation.

If your doctor or counselor accuses you of not trying hard enough, accuse THEM of not trying hard enough. THEY are the professionals! I understand that as patients we have a responsibility, but if we are having trouble carrying through with that responsibility, then we need a helping hand, not a kick in the face.

 
Old 04-07-2007, 07:15 AM   #13
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Re: why does everyone think im not trying!?

Quote:
Originally Posted by RatPack78 View Post
It's interesting that mental health problems are the only problems people (including counselors and doctors) expect you to be able to fix yourself. It's like getting an infection and someone saying "Your infection isn't going away, you're not trying hard enough!"

Do people not understand that for people who by their very diagnosis have a lack of motivation and who are getting fed up with life might need to be encouraged and not berated? .
hi ratpak,

that was very well put, especially drs. not understanding that this diagnosis in itself includes the symptoms of a lack of motivation!!!!
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