It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Depression Message Board
Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 05-03-2007, 09:52 AM   #1
Senior Member
(female)
 
hsp1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: US
Posts: 114
Blog Entries: 11
hsp1 HB User
Unhappy I have NO family!

I was once called an "orphan" by a therapist. Yep can you beleive
that, I am in my 30's and I was callled an orphan. Here is why he
said that:

See I grew up in a loving family, but in the last 20 years my family
that I grew up in started to fall apart.
My parents are very selfish people, for they love money more than
anything. Especially my father. Here is an example of that, I need
to get a check up at the dental office for a sore tooth and I
politely asked my father for a wee bit of help. He started to scream
at me like I was some little kid. I hardly ever ask for money. But
that is not all. I am only allowed to visit my folks on an
appointment bases. I am only allowed to see my parents (rather they
want to only see me) three times a year at the most. Where do they
live... just 2 hours away! And when I do see them I must talk all
positive or they will get mad. Mother does not work much only when
she feels like it but she mostly drinks, and father has sat. afternoons off and all of Sunday.

I am almost 100% sure that my parents did not want kids cause my
brother was a "surprise" he is the oldest. They never ever wanted to
spend money for things like stitches that I need in the 3rd grade or
brasses that I needed in the 4th grade for an over-bit. They said
that they think that me needing any medical help that cost money
like stitches and such was not worth it. They were not at all poor
either for my father had his own business. They only call me when it
is convenient to them. And if I call them when it is not convenient
to them they will not answer the phone, and this is about 80% of the
time I call. And if I disagree with them they will not talk to me
for months and months..this has happened so many times in the last 5
years. For, I have been estranged twice as well. They will only talk to me
again if I beg them for forgiveness.

I litteraly have no other contact with my family members but my
parents, and they know it too. My brother is just as greedy as my
father and he wants nothing to do with me because I am not rich. All
of my grandparents passed away too. So I have no one, but I cannot
live a lie nor can I beg for someone to fogive me who is gonna pull
the same crap with me again and again.


Anyway, I want to thank you for listening to my rant about this! It sure does hurt when you do not have a loving family to go to when ever you want. I feel like an odd ball..it seems that everyone around me has some family member that cares for them, I feel like I am a major outsider in this world!

You know if you do have a family that loves you consider yourself
very blessed that you have someone to spend quality time with anytime.

Thanks again for listening to this!!!

 
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 05-03-2007, 10:00 AM   #2
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: USA
Posts: 1,147
MariaBB HB User
Re: I have NO family!

Hey, that sounds familiar. Sometimes I call myself an orphan, even though I'm really not. My family is all messed up, and no one gets along. My dad split when I was 8. There has always been a lot of contention among the aunts and uncles, so my bro, sis and I always figured we'd be close - to not be like them. Wrong. As adults we aren't close. We don't fight, we just aren't friends. We all live in different states. I see my mom and sister once every year or two. I don't see my brother. Haven't spoken with my dad in years. I'm always amazed by the dynamics of my husband's family. They are so different than mine, as they get along wonderfully. At the risk of sounding selfish, there is a plus side. I don't have to see family on holidays or send gifts, and I no longer have to endure my mother's weapon of choice - guilt.

Last edited by MariaBB; 05-03-2007 at 10:01 AM.

 
Old 05-03-2007, 10:05 AM   #3
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 6,178
Sannah HB UserSannah HB User
Re: I have NO family!

Hsp, one of the first lines of your post is that you came from a very loving family and then you go on to describe anything but that. I am sorry that you didn't get what you needed from a family when you were growing up. I grew up in a dysfunctional family too. You can't get orange juice from apples so you have to go to plan B and stop trying to get from your family what they are incapable of providing. You need to provide for yourself now what you need and you need to surround yourself with loving and supportive people. You can make a life for yourself now which does not include your family. I am not saying that you block out your family (I didn't) but I went on to build a wonderful life as a adult. Keep going to therapy and work on these issues and keep posting! (Do you need to mourn that you didn't get what you needed from a family?)

 
Old 05-03-2007, 11:27 AM   #4
Senior Member
(female)
 
hsp1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: US
Posts: 114
Blog Entries: 11
hsp1 HB User
Re: I have NO family!

Thank you all for your kind advice. I think you all are right and therapy is the right thing. I guess I do need to grieve about this as well.
You asked about my family, well my first 14 years was great until my mother started to drink. My brother was away in college and he changed a bit as well. Then in the 90ís my fathers business flopped. Sending my father in a small depression. Well as time went by his true colors appeared. He became really greedy and mother became a 24/7 drunk. They cut their contact with their friend, then the family. If my father is not working he is at home with my mother, using his money to buy very expensive stuff for the home. They have a television in every room, they go on week trips every month and stay in luxury hotels. They would rather go gambling then spend quality time with me. I had to beg them to see them just this past Easter. Where as most families are delighted to see their kids. I guess the family that I knew for my first 14 years just does not exist anymore, for money and booze is their main life.
Again you all brought up some very helpful points and I thank you so much!

 
Old 05-03-2007, 11:40 AM   #5
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 6,178
Sannah HB UserSannah HB User
Re: I have NO family!

Hsp, I don't think that your parents could have changed so much. What is the saying "leopards don't change their spots" or something. Functional people do not suddenly start to drink. Dysfunctional people start to drink, they just weren't drinking before. I tend to see on here sometimes people needing to romanticize their families. It's like if some here have to admit that their family wasn't perfect that it means that they weren't loved or that they came from failure? I don't know. I think that it is healthier to see what really happened. But I guess we can all agree to disagree. I am glad that I was helpful - I'll keep up with your posts.

 
Old 05-03-2007, 12:01 PM   #6
Senior Member
(male)
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Pittsburgh, PA, USA
Posts: 130
keyboardplaya HB User
Re: I have NO family!

hsp1,

I don't want to make like I know what you're going through, because I don't. So please just take what I say with a grain of salt. But based on what you said, it seems as if there is a lot of aggression on your parents' side and a lot of passive behavior on yours. I'm sure that you've done your fair share of arguing and complaining with them to get your feelings across, but you don't really mention that you have, so it's just an assumption.

It seems that, if there is any hope for them, you need to really let them know what their actions do to you. I don't know if you need to yell at them on the phone, or have a long talk with them in person, or write them a letter, but you must do something. I'm not saying to fight fire with fire, but perhaps they don't understand the severity of what they have done to you.

It kind of makes me think of my depression that came mostly from getting picked on in school. Today, if I had kids who got picked on in school, I would immediately be going to the other kid's house and sitting down with the parents. And I would let them know for sure about the long-term effects of bullying, and how things that happened even in elementary school made me go through bouts of depression at least through college.

The point is, unless everything has failed and you feel there is no hope, you can't go down without a fight. You have to really try to get through to your parents and make sure they hear you. I'm not saying you haven't already, but even if they don't listen to what you say, they at least have to hear it.

If nothing works whatsoever, then I strongly advise you to go your own way and only put yourself into positive situations that make you feel significant. That's one of the biggest tricks of the trade that I used. I know it's your family, but why waste the effort if you only end up getting hurt? You need to be around people and environments that make you happy. That's the only way you can get through life.

 
Old 05-03-2007, 06:32 PM   #7
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: USA
Posts: 1,301
mary09 HB Usermary09 HB Usermary09 HB User
Re: I have NO family!

Hi HSP...
I'm sorry for your situation and can not imagine how you feel, saying that you are an "orphan". as Keyboardplaya says you should talk this through with your family....at least you'll know you've tried to discuss things and form a closer relationship.
If sadly that fails, do you have many friends? I see this saying sometimes, that I feel is very true and it is this....."Friends are the family we CHOOSE for ourselves".........

Good luck with things and know we're all here when you need to talk!

Carsam

 
Old 05-04-2007, 01:04 PM   #8
Senior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Florida, USA
Posts: 232
Sunshinegirl HB User
Re: I have NO family!

Hi HSP - I too am an "orphan." I've experienced much of what you write about in your posts. At a certain point......when the dysfunction started to effect my two daughters, I chose to cut my family out of my life. What is it they say......you can't choose your family, but you can choose who you want in your life??? I've had friends that treated me better than my own "family."

It is so sad. Holidays are lonely.....sometimes I get offers from friends to go to their homes, but I don't want to impose on their families and when I have gone, it just feels wierd and just reminds me of my loss.

Just know that you are NOT alone. It's a lot more common than people realize, I think. Hang in there and so will I.

 
Old 05-08-2007, 12:41 AM   #9
Junior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: California
Posts: 28
mikilynn HB User
Re: I have NO family!

I know this is an old post but I had had to reply....
I know exactly how that feels, to be in your 30's and feel like you have no family. My parents divorced when I was 10, my mom was very controlling and her mood swings were all over the place, not a very pleasant person. My dad I relate to the most but over the years had become a bit obsessed with the bible and god and that's pretty much all he talks about now. My mom only talks about herself as well. Some of the things she says about me or to me leave me feeling like I wish she would just go away. She's always made me feel hopeless, telling me I'm ugly the whole time I was growing up and constantly putting me down, never comments on the positive sides of me. I wish there was a website where I could pick new parents and start over. If I would have had a better parents as role models, I would be a better person myself.

 
Old 05-08-2007, 02:16 AM   #10
Facilitator
(female)
 
Seraph's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 4,752
Seraph HB UserSeraph HB UserSeraph HB UserSeraph HB UserSeraph HB UserSeraph HB UserSeraph HB UserSeraph HB UserSeraph HB UserSeraph HB UserSeraph HB User
Re: I have NO family!

Quote:
Originally Posted by hsp1 View Post
You asked about my family, well my first 14 years was great until my mother started to drink. My brother was away in college and he changed a bit as well. Then in the 90’s my fathers business flopped. Sending my father in a small depression. Well as time went by his true colors appeared. He became really greedy and mother became a 24/7 drunk.
The fact that you were happy and felt loved in your childhood is a huge plus for you. It will have given you the resources to give and receive love, so although you are an orphan, you are not totally without the means to flourish emotionally. My family was as dysfunctional as most can get, yet I thank my lucky stars that my mother liked babies and small children. The horrible bit was after we had that early nurturing, but having had that, I am able to reach out with love to my precious others. Cheers, Sera

Last edited by Seraph; 05-08-2007 at 02:16 AM.

 
Old 05-08-2007, 08:50 AM   #11
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 6,178
Sannah HB UserSannah HB User
Re: I have NO family!

Mikilynn, you don't have to be a prisoner to what your parents have told you about yourself or how they have treated you. You can free yourself from this.

 
Old 05-08-2007, 12:30 PM   #12
Senior Member
(female)
 
hsp1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: US
Posts: 114
Blog Entries: 11
hsp1 HB User
Unhappy Re: I have NO family!

Thank you all for your kind words, but things are getting worse for me. I have started a new thread on this board about this here please take a look i could use all the advice i can get, i am so hurt right now!:
[url]http://www.healthboards.com/boards/showthread.php?p=2970823#post2970823[/url]

thank you kindly!

 
Closed Thread

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
His family getting in the way of our relationship!!! Ravyn8 Relationship Health 18 07-06-2007 08:17 AM
It only gets Worse as Family Members are Informed pjoi4 Cancer: Lung 12 01-05-2007 08:44 PM
Greed in Family _mystictiger_ Caregivers 10 10-03-2006 12:49 PM
Significant other's family crossing a line, or not? volcomrxy21 Relationship Health 11 07-01-2006 12:11 PM
My mom won't let me see my family Dark Stranger Parenting Issues 2 11-25-2005 06:03 AM




Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Join Our Newsletter

Stay healthy through tips curated by our health experts.

Whoops,

There was a problem adding your email Try again

Thank You

Your email has been added








TOP THANKED CONTRIBUTORS



flamesabers (79), Phoenix (43), keenobserver (20), katlin09 (13), Diverdan8 (11), WhistleDixie (10), cuddles1 (9), neveragain444 (9), rosequartz (9), blessed824 (9)

Site Wide Totals

teteri66 (1180), MSJayhawk (1004), Apollo123 (903), Titchou (847), janewhite1 (823), Gabriel (759), ladybud (754), sammy64 (668), midwest1 (668), BlueSkies14 (610)



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 11:33 PM.



Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.comô
Terms of Use © 1998-2014 HealthBoards.comô All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!