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Old 05-23-2007, 06:56 AM   #1
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even_sly HB User
Wednesday

Hey all ~ Sorry I didn't get here yesterday... One of those busy days.

This is really quick... But I wanted to start out a post today to see how everyone is. I'll try and come back... REALLY will try! ~ Sly
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"Be content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you." ~ Lao Tzu

 
Old 05-23-2007, 07:31 AM   #2
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ChaosAD HB User
Re: Wednesday

Good morning. Today has been ok. Haven't really been up long enough to take a full gauge heh. I finally slept ok last nt. I did stay up longer then I had initially wanted, but it was because I stayed up doing stuff and not insomnia or my mind racing. Waking up later seems to be doing good too. I've been trying it with no alarm and I seem to wake up with more energy then when I have to hit the snooze.

Work is work, been pretty busy lately so that is good. Keeps the mind busy as well. I still am edgy at times here and the ex still gets to me. At times it still gets to me when she is overly friendly and bubbly towards ppl here. Heck, she now hangs out with the girl she hated before. This is the girl she never invited anywhere, talked horribly about, and from what I am told hated the fact that we sat together in our lil area (when we dated). Now they talk like school girls and are going running together. It seems like it is her mission now to be as friendly to everyone as possible, except me of course.

We haven't had any contact though in while so that is good at least. We still avoid each other at all costs and won't even look at each other if we can help it. Lovely huh. There has been some changes in the company that might make it so I have to have more contact with her soon though. She might be taking over some duties from a co-worker that left that I had to deal with on some projects.

I was supposed to go out last nt but plans go canceled so I ended up just sitting at home alone. I did get to see Sopranos I had recorded so that was good. I was able to keep busy doing stuff though, so last nt was good. Lately though I've been going through a lonely stage and reminiscing about old relationships and missing my friends. It comes and goes and sometimes is just like a background thing and sometimes it hits me hard. I guess it is just another stage.

Hope everyone is doing well...

Last edited by ChaosAD; 05-23-2007 at 09:05 AM.

 
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Old 05-23-2007, 11:09 AM   #3
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MariaBB HB User
Re: Wednesday

Chaos, I've been sort of lonely too. Maybe more like not in the mood to see anyone.

I've been pull-your-hair-out busy at work and can't see to make a dent in my work pile. No matter what I finish, bosses are looking for something else.

Last night I met with my psychiatrist for meds. Although I've been trying to eat more, he gave me a hard time about my weight being too low and switched my meds. I'm nervous about switching because I don't know if it will cause weight gain. My mom emailed me yesterday harping about my weight. I reminded her that I would talk to her about anything but my weight. Then my boss came down on me about an error I made.

I felt like everyone was harassing me. I'm trying to do better, but it just seems like it's not good enough for anybody. Frustrated, I journaled about my day and ended up crying. I was tempted to self-injure, but was able to stop myself. Without cutting myself I wrapped my wrist in bandages so that if I got upset today I would see it and be comforted. This also would prevent me from feeling guilty about cutting. So today I'm wearing a bandage, with no cuts and I'm glad I didn't hurt myself.

I feel better today, but I'm still frustrated. I'm trying hard to increase my calories. Why do people keep badgering me? They make me want to give up. I would never ask a fat person who's dieting what they ate today. Why don't people leave me alone? Sorry for the rant.

Last edited by MariaBB; 05-23-2007 at 11:10 AM.

 
Old 05-23-2007, 11:37 AM   #4
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Re: Wednesday

Hi Sly! Hope you're day is going well thus far.

Chaos, a strange thought popped into my head and I must ask. Is your ex the type of person who needs to be in conflict with someone at all times of her life? If it's not her coworker, then it's you. It may be you with whom she's not getting along at the moment. But pretty soon, this shall pass and she'll have someone new to dislike for whatever reason. Sorry to sound so cliche, but it's not you who's got the problem, it's her! Hang in there, friend. Pretty soon you'll find the right person, get married, have kids and you'll miss like crazy the times when you had time to watch tv without kids drawing all over your living room wall with Sharpie markers or spraying baby powder on their toys, lol. Did I make you laugh?

As for me, I've been really depressed the last several weeks. I hate to be on the board when I can't get out of my hole because I don't want to pull others down with me. Today I feel much better. I had my annual exam the other day and my doc recommended Zoloft rather than my current medication, Celexa, because Zoloft is proven to help with pms. My depression is under control for the most part except for the week before, during and after my period when I feel so irritable and antisocial. She recommended Zoloft and I have an appt with my general doc in a couple of weeks to discuss this option.

The kids have been sick up the yin yang with colds, stomach flu, and fever. My daughter even had bad food poisoning the rare time we go out for dinner because she received a gift certificate for a free meal for being an outstanding reader. Luckily my husband hasn't gotten sick, knock on wood!

I also signed up to volunteer at a hospice. I'm going to need some training, but I'm really excited about it. I think I'm going to work with kids. I love geriatrics, but I prefer the elder who are still coherent because I absolutely love listening to all their stories. So maybe in addition to hospice I'll volunteer at a convalescent home.

So that's what's up with me. I hope everyone else is enjoying their day.

 
Old 05-23-2007, 11:48 AM   #5
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Re: Wednesday

[b]Maria:[b]
I was actually going to post to see how you were doing. Very glad to hear you didn't cut. I guess the symbolism of the bandages was enough to stop the urge? If so that is a much better way to deal with it. At least you aren't harming yourself. I can related to ppl asking you all the time what you ate lately. I don't have an eating disorder or anything but since about January my diet has been pretty scarce. I've lost about 25lbs, which in the end is nice. My family always gets on me asking what i ate and telling me i need to eat, which just in turns make me feel worse. I think I'm doing just fine in that dept and in fact would like to lose more. You would think I would be extremely happy about the lose so far as I've been trying for years. No one outside the family has not iced (or at least said anything). So it makes me feel like it isn't even noticeable.

I too feel like ppl around me are judging me or something. I can't explain it. It only really seems to happen at work, but then again I don't see too many ppl after work that I interact with at least. I see ppl at the gym and when I go out with the neighbors, that is it. The environment at work is just a little toxic right now and I know i have a part in that. I let stuff get to me and I shouldn't. Guess that is the whole boundaries thing I have problem with, esp with certain ppl.

I've been doing good with the journaling. I did it a lot today. I had to take breaks cause at times it was a little tough to write. I was letting my full emotions come out about how I was feeling and going through. It has just been a down day and I need to remember that. I'm def going to the gym tonite to de-stress and I may even treat myself to a nice dinner or something.

justlilme:
Thanks, you did make me laugh. I try and remind myself of that very stuff. I know there are ppl that would kill to have free time to themselves and such. I guess I just have an over abundance of it presently. I know it is her that has the problem, her problem just affects me presently. I try and remind myself how i look back on events now in my past and can laugh about them now. It just takes time.

Sounds like you are back on a good road, keep at it!

Here I have gone and made this longer then I meant to...

Last edited by ChaosAD; 05-23-2007 at 11:51 AM.

 
Old 05-23-2007, 11:50 AM   #6
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Sannah HB UserSannah HB User
Re: Wednesday

Quote:
Originally Posted by MariaBB View Post
I felt like everyone was harassing me. I'm trying to do better, but it just seems like it's not good enough for anybody. Frustrated, I journaled about my day and ended up crying. I was tempted to self-injure, but was able to stop myself. Without cutting myself I wrapped my wrist in bandages so that if I got upset today I would see it and be comforted. This also would prevent me from feeling guilty about cutting. So today I'm wearing a bandage, with no cuts and I'm glad I didn't hurt myself.
Maria, this is excellent work!!!!!!!!!!!!! You realized what was upsetting you, you journaled about your feelings, you resisted SI and even problem solved to make sure that you wouldn't SI later. Maria this is such progress!!!

I don't know why people nag on others. This is not the way to get results. Working from a person's strengths is the way to go because then the person feels better about themselves. Nagging about what the person isn't doing just makes them feel worse and certainly isn't the way to help them get better. So just come here and we will counteract all of that badgering!!!

 
Old 05-23-2007, 11:53 AM   #7
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Re: Wednesday

Quote:
Originally Posted by justlilme View Post
I've been really depressed the last several weeks. I hate to be on the board when I can't get out of my hole because

I don't want to pull others down with me.
Lilme, this is when you are supposed to come here!!!!! Think of your own needs now and not about everyone else's!

 
Old 05-23-2007, 12:18 PM   #8
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Re: Wednesday

Oh Sannah, you know me. I hate being a burden. The reason I came here in the first place was to feel like I finally belong someplace with people I can identify with and help simultaneously.

 
Old 05-23-2007, 12:21 PM   #9
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Re: Wednesday

Lilme, you are not a burden. This is the only reason that I come here to help others.

 
Old 05-23-2007, 12:40 PM   #10
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Re: Wednesday

...speaking of burden...

My husband and I had a very long discussion last night about why I feel so disconnected from him. He's been busy with work, always on call and leaving at a second's notice. But something deeper than that is the fact that we are happy now after a very rough beginning of marriage.

To give you just a little background: We got pregnant very young, got married after the baby was born. I decided to go to college when the baby was 2yrs old after I had initally promised while I was pregnant that I wanted to be a stay-at-home mom. Little did I know how much being at home 24/7 would take out of me, I wanted to finally get my degree. He viewed my going back to school as me abandoning him and the baby. From those feelings, he created a marriage where he married me out of responsibility and that he never wanted the baby. The baby and I were a burden on him and he could've had such a nice lifestyle with his lucrative career if it hadn't been for me and the baby. Can you imagine living seven years of feeling like the biggest regret and the biggest responsibility to someone who isn't even blood?!!

Well, we've been very happy for almost a year now, and the communication is great. Issues come up every now and then for both of us and we sit and talk it through with love and great empathy (believe me, sometimes the empathy is very hard!). Last night the issue of being a burden came up and I told him that it hurt so bad for so long to feel like the sole reason someone else's life is a complete disaster, that I felt so bad and guilty for being the reason someone wanted to end their life. He answered that he felt those things because he didn't know any better. He said that little did he know that our daughter and I are the reasons his life is meaningful and so full of what makes life worth living: love, laughter, security, safe haven for being yourself, which money can't buy and which is so hard to give and to appreciate in our hectic lives.

He made me feel much better. But I'm still working on not feeling like a burden to anyone else. I actually let my in-laws babysit, lol!

 
Old 05-23-2007, 02:08 PM   #11
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MariaBB HB User
Re: Wednesday

Quote:
Originally Posted by justlilme View Post
I finally belong someplace with people I can identify with and help simultaneously.
I agree, the support is tremendous!

PS: I talked to my boss this afternoon. I thought I was in for another butt-chewing but it didn't go that way. We talked about how everybody is extremely busy around here and my boss actually apologized and asked how he could make my job better (?!?!?) So glad I didn't cut. Thanks guys for all the support.

 
Old 05-23-2007, 02:47 PM   #12
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even_sly HB User
Re: Wednesday

((((((((((((((((((((((((Maria))))))))))) ))))))))))))))

I'm SO glad you didn't cut either!!

I've been reading, but can't stay too long right now... You guys all seem to be doing O.K. today?

Justlilme ~ Don't worry about us! You come here and write all you want. We're listening... This is the place for that, k? (((((Justlilme)))))

I love to help people too, Sannah. I mean, I figure I'm in a pretty good place right now and if I can give back to the others who have helped me, I want to. As much as possible. But you, Sannah... I see you REALLY helping people a lot here. VERY cool.

Chaos ~ Seems like the late-rising in the a.m. is doing you some good?

I'm sooooo excited for my Yoga class. I know I need it today!!

Have a good night!
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"Be content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you." ~ Lao Tzu

 
Old 05-23-2007, 05:23 PM   #13
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Re: Wednesday

Maria, more problem solving and communication!!!!!! You go girl!

Lilme, I am so glad that you and your husband are at a better place now communicating and all. I am trying to think what it means if you think that you are a burden, hmmm..... Low self-worth maybe? You know if anyone tries to every tell you anything like that again, that you are a burden, etc., don't let them do it! Stop it immediately and do not accept it!

Sly, how nice of you to say that. I really appreciate it!

Hi Chaos!

Last edited by Sannah; 05-23-2007 at 05:23 PM.

 
Old 05-24-2007, 07:39 AM   #14
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MariaBB HB User
Re: Wednesday

Sly, Isn't yoga great?

 
Old 05-24-2007, 08:06 AM   #15
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Re: Wednesday

OH YES, Maria ~ I LOVE Yoga. Had an awesome class last night! Sooooooo good for the mind, body and spirit!!

You're welcome, Sannah ~ I just call it like I see it!!
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"Be content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you." ~ Lao Tzu

 
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