Tomorrow we have been invited over to Mark's best friends for sunday lunch. I just am not looking forward to it at all getting myself in such a panic about it and getting myself really depressed about it too.
I like him and his family - they seem really nice but as I havent seen them very much I dont feel at all relaxed to show completely myself and how I am feeling. So tomorrow I will have to put on this great act that everything is fine when deep down it isnt. This I find to be very tiring and it does take a lot of energy out of me. Where I have been very down I am not on top form - got a cold and cough which keeps me up at night so tired a lot.
Just not looking forward to being socialable and having to make conversation and pretending I am something I am not - at home with family I can just be - it doesnt matter they are just there to support me.
Dreading it ( I feel really awful about saying this as well - really guilty as they are nice people and Mark doesnt get to see them very much and is really looking forward to it).
I know I can't help what I am feeling but it doesnt make me feel any better about it - if I could get out of it I would and just relax at home. I know some will say when you get there you'll have a good time and will enjoy yourself but I am just not in the mood to talk and pretend I am ok - its hard work.
I totally understand how you feel, some good firned sof mine and I were going out for a meal last night, but I stood up on them in the last min, coz I was kind of 'chicken'. I love them very much, and it would never have been a probelm before I go into this stupid depression, but not anymore. I felt very bad about mot going with them, but sometime we have got to do things that make us feel good, and really, pretneding is not a good thing to do. I have given up pretneding, and I feel 'better' in a way...
Anyway, hope you would have a good time with your friends and dont find that too 'scary'...
I am just not in the mood to talk - its hard work.
It can be hard for me too. Sometimes I feel like I want to fit in, but when I have the chance to socialize I'm filled with fear and dread and sometimes even resentment. I can't offer you any advice, but know you're supported here.
I think it is more a problem that they are more Mark my husbands friends - I have only seen them a few times - I dont really know them that well and I have to pretend for his sake that I am ok and everything is well. He says they are our friends but they are not - they are his. He knows my best friend and her partner more because they live closer and we have been out more with them.
It is hard to talk to him sometimes about how I am feeling about going to see them - he sees it as a personal attack when it isnt - for occasions like this I really only have here to talk to about it as I see my mum but Mark is always with me so it is difficult.
I know the day has come and I will try really hard to have a good time. I keep telling myself to just forget it and enjoy myself but as you know that is easier said than done - if that is all it took I would be cured now.
Cant really explain how I am feeling - anxious, nervous and a bit panicky maybe a good start - wish I could stay at home and just relax with him but sometimes we have to do things for others and he doesnt get to see them much.
He is trying really hard to be there for me and I know it is difficult for him as he doesnt know what to do to help or he doesnt really understand how I am feeling and why I am feeling that way as he has never been there.
I hope everybody has a good weekend and thanks for listening and for offering your support.
at least, i'm curious to know of your experience. and you know what? the more such experiences you have, the more comfortable you'll feel.
i know this because i used to feel the same (i still do somewhat), but over time i realized that they're all just people too, like me, and they may have problems too. plus, i know that i can't please everyone i meet in this life, even if they are friends of friends, or even family members. it was awkward when i first met my ex's parents. they had some friends over too, and his brother and his brother's wife as well. they had this huge house and they were both doctors, blah, blah, blah...i didn't really feel like i fit in, you know....well, after a while i realized they ALL, especially the mother, tried to impress one another to some extent, you know? everybody likes doing that. we're all somewhat "wired" to want others to like us, and of course nobody wants rejection. but the truth is, some people have different personalities and they just don't "click." so what? it doesn't say something's wrong with us; it's just the way things are.
what i found out through my experience was that whenever i put on the facade/the mask, i was left drained afterwards. it was horrible having to do that, and for what? i just got myself a huge headache by the end of the event, and again, for what? it's good when a get-together has more people in it, because then the focus will not be entirely on you!!! now, i'm more likely to think, if someone doesn't seem to like me, it is their issue, not mine. i must be honest and say that i may think about it for a while, but i'm not letting it consume me as much as i used to. if i'm true to myself and grounded in myself, and genuine in my actions and in what i say, the more likely it is that people will respond realistically. people like practical, realistic people, no matter who they are, and i began to see that they could sense when i was not being myself. i saw that they responded much better when i was my true self, my down-to-earth, not-trying-to-impress, sometimes quiet, sometimes talkative self.
i truly hope that this get-together wasn't so bad for you!!!
oh, it also helps a lot when you focus on something outside of yourself, such as a conv. topic, and really paying attention to it; the food (yeah, it's silly, but true); having a drink (it may calm you a little); and even having your hubby by your side (if all else fails).
take care of yourself!
Be kinder than necessary,
Because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle...
Thanks for your comments - it went ok managed to enjoy myself a little bit. Your right it is draining - we were a little late so got there about quarter to two and I managed to last out until about quarter to seven but just could not stay any longer even though I know Mark wanted to. I was absolutely exhausted afterwards - I felt like I had just run a marathon without the aches and pains and sore joints.
If it was just down to me I would just be myself but Mark hasnt told them anything about how I have been feeling - when they ask he says I am absolutely fine - so I think for me that makes it even more difficult to just relax. I feel I have to be chatty and my so called happy self.
I really appreciate all the support and I am glad it wasnt as bad as I thought it was going to be.
glad you managed to have a little fun and that it wasn't so bad. and i think five hours was enough. it would've been for me! anyway, i'm sensing that mark has a "thing" about appearances? that is, it seems that making a good impression on people is very important for him. is he from a different background or something, where nothing ever goes/went wrong? i just don't get these people, and i was never comfortable being with them--i mean, you know, where things are always made believe to be OK. but if he is ok with you, and if he accepts you the way you are, then i guess it's a bit different. however, i'm still a little put off by the fact of this 'hiding' of your issue, and i think it is a bit overboard, in light of the fact that he knows if you are being yourself, it would make it much easier for you to be with his friends and/or family. i don't mean to sound harsh in my view of him. it's just an opinion. so, sorry if i'm any way out of line here. i'm only talking about your wellbeing.
well, take it easy on yourself, toffee.
Be kinder than necessary,
Because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle...
Dont worry. I dont know if it is just my impression and may be I have read to much into it - maybe he thinks I dont want anybody to know and he thinks it maybe easier for me that way. I dont think he means anything by it - he probably thinks he is doing it for the best.
I think it is more my hang up about being accepted by his friends than his - Yesterday we talked and I was saying silly things like they probably think I am not good enough for you and he said he didnt care what anybody else thinks he just wants me to be ok.
We dont see them too much anyway because they live a bit further away. Thanks for all your support.