I think we all have "stuff" like this. Things we do to make ourselves feel better, yet they are "destructive." But it's only a quick fix... You feel good for a little while and then the self-hatred feelings come back. The only real "fix" is to just love yourself... unconditionally.
For me, I make myself vomit. It's awful. I don't do it every day, but I get it in my head that I'm "fat" and that's what does it. It's really a self-hatred thing, though. I know that. I'm trying really hard to stop.
I think you just have to remember that you are a wonderful, beautiful person... You ARE. Not because someone says you are, but just because you ARE.
You don't need these women to make you feel good about you... That's why you're being with them, right?
Talk to your therapist about this. (I'm sure you are.) They'll help you work through it. It just takes time.
I don't know if any of that helped... I hope so.
Hang in there and let us know how you're doing. ((((((hugs))))) ~ Sly