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who would want?....

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Old 05-29-2007, 09:00 PM   #1
planet jenn
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who would want?....

i want to date and have been looking on different dating sites but i can't shake off the feeling ...who would want someone who is mentally ill? i want to be with someone, to grow old and talk and do stuff with. i want the love and cuddling on the couch or sit together in front of a campfire. honestly, who would want someone who is mentally ill?

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Old 05-29-2007, 10:05 PM   #2
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Re: who would want?....

There are plenty of people out there who understand the mentaly ill and have no problems with it. There is also your fellow mental ill people who are in the same boat that you are. Don't let your illness hold you back we all know with the right meds and therapy we are as sane as the next guy. I really do not your story so it is pretty hard to be specific but hopefully you will see the dating world is definately not closed to you.

take care
Major Depressive Disorder With Psychotic Features
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Borderline Personality Disorder
Generalized Anxiety Disorder

Current Meds

Old 05-29-2007, 11:15 PM   #3
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Pillbox HB User
Re: who would want?....

Don't worry you will find somebody. As for me on the other hand I don't think I ever will hehe. Just because your mentally ill doesn't mean someone doesn't want you. Look at the brighter side of things it could always be worse

Old 05-30-2007, 08:00 AM   #4
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Re: who would want?....


I dont know all your story and how bad your situation is but I am definitely sure that there is more to you than just being ill and someone will see past that for sure. It is just you believing in that and holding in there. Someone will love you for who you are as a person - not the illness. You would not say that to somebody who had any other illness - they wont love because I have x or y etc.

Physical or mental illness (it is just an illness not the person) and that is what the right person for you will see - you, the person.

So dont worry the time will come.

Warm wishes xx

Old 05-30-2007, 08:23 AM   #5
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Survivor3 HB User
Re: who would want?....

Check out the web. There is a dating site specifically for the mentally ill.

Old 05-30-2007, 08:42 AM   #6
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Re: who would want?....

I did date online. I never told any of the men I went out with that I had mental health issues until I had met a man I enjoyed hanging out with and we had been dating about a month. I knew it would be a long-term relationship. In fact, it still is--I'm now married to that man and we have a baby on the way. It's been 5 years since I first met him, and while there were some tough times, never once did I feel he would leave me and he does try to understand my issues when they come up. In fact, my relationship with my husband helped to encourage me to get off meds (not saying everyone should do this) but I had been in a stable place for a long time and really no longer needed meds but I was afraid to stop them and see what would happen. Actually, I felt a lot better off meds without having to deal with the side effects since I no longer really needed them and could control my depression just through diet and exercise.

There are people out there who are willing to invest in a relationship with a person who has mental health issues. You just have to look hard enough to find that special someone. Definitely, it's not something you reveal before going out or on a first date, it would predjudice the person (I doubt even my husband would have gone out with me if I had written in my online profile--history of mental health issues--major depression, anxiety, anorexia & eating disorders). But when you get to a point in the relationship where you feel you can trust the person and you desire it to be a long-term relationship, you can have a serious talk about your issues and where you stand in your treatment/recovery.

Last edited by livinTX; 05-30-2007 at 08:43 AM.

Old 05-30-2007, 09:15 AM   #7
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Re: who would want?....

Jen, you are more than a mental illness. I was very anxious when my husband met me. He saw who else I was besides someone who was anxious (he did have a calming effect on me, though!).

Old 05-30-2007, 09:31 AM   #8
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stressedteacher HB User
Re: who would want?....

My psychologist says that Depression is not a mental illness. It is the lacking of certain brain chemicals.

She defines mental illness by psychosis, and other personaility disorders.

Just wanted to put this out there

Old 05-30-2007, 09:38 AM   #9
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Re: who would want?....

You know what? Everyone has "something..." Some chronic condition, illness, issue, etc. What's different about being mentally ill? I guess people can't "see" it so they assume it's nothing and that we're all "crazy."

But really, I don't think people with a mental illness are any different than people who have high blood pressure, diabetes, etc. I mean, they have to take meds to feel good. And so does a mentally ill person.

When I met my husband, I didn't really know I had any mental health concerns. We've been together almost 18 years. He's accepted me the way I am. Sure, it hasn't been easy sometimes. He's had to watch me sit and cry for hours on end, be off work for months, etc. But, he's stood by me the whole time. I'm blessed.

You'll find someone! You will. Don't get "hung up" in the "mental illness" label. You're a wonderful person... Just the way you are!! Remember that... And you'll attract someone who sees that.

(((((((Hugs)))))) to you! ~ Sly
"Be content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you." ~ Lao Tzu

Old 05-30-2007, 07:09 PM   #10
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Re: who would want?....

i'm pretty much like jen...thinking along the same lines... because experience hasn't proven much different. but it's good to know there's some hope out there.

thanks all of you!!!
Be kinder than necessary,
Because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle...

Old 05-30-2007, 09:58 PM   #11
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Re: who would want?....

My poor husband is the most patient person I know. I can be hateful sometimes when I'm really depressed (which happens when I go off my meds for too long). It's those times when he tells me "it's not you, honey.. it's the depression talking." He makes me a little nuts when he thinks hugging me will somehow make it all go away, like if he just HUGS me enough he can hug the bad thoughts away. It's all very sweet, and I know most women would kill to have a partner like that. But when I say I get hateful, I mean I get HATEFUL. When I'm feeling bad, I don't want to be touched, looked at, talked to, questioned, or engaged in any fashion. It's very hard on a relationship, but despite my best efforts to drive my chubby hubby away, he loves me enough to stay and endure what I dish out. God bless that man!! =)

My point is this... My husband knew about my depression long before he asked me to marry him. He knew what he was getting into. The most important thing is to NOT hide it. Be open about your life and how you handle it. You never know what kind of blessings are around the corner. If you're open about your illness, you'll have nothing to hide later on. And believe me, if I found a caring and generous person to spend my life with, you can, too! No doubt about it!!!

Never give up hope!!!

Old 05-31-2007, 02:54 AM   #12
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Therag HB User
Re: who would want?....

I know that feeling, and I wonder why anyone would want to be friends with me too. After all people want to be with happy uplifting people.

I think finding someone with similar problems is the best thing to do, only they can understand what you are going through.

Old 05-31-2007, 04:48 AM   #13
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Re: who would want?....

When I'm feeling bad, I don't want to be touched, looked at, talked to, questioned, or engaged in any fashion--bailey

i get the exact same way at times! but this is why things haven't really worked in my favor, you know?! it's incredible how most of the men i've been with (except for the very first one) don't seem to see the "stick" in their own eye, yet try to pluck it out of mine all the damn time. and if they can't, well. then they're off, sooner or's just--anyway....

throughout the years, i've regretted not sticking with that first guy who actually wanted to marry me. but, i was looking for more, more experience, more "living life," and it didn't even enter my mind that i would still be alone now. i was about 24-25 then (yeah, late bloomer), but now, i'm 36 and single, and it does NOT look like i'll be together--i mean really together with someone, anytime soon. hope is a good thing, but hoping till one's 50 to start a family? well....

yes, it would probably best to find someone with the same issues. but it's not easy to do.
Be kinder than necessary,
Because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle...

Old 05-31-2007, 04:49 AM   #14
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Re: who would want?....

Thats what I thought for a while that my wonderful husband would only want to be with happy people but he doesnt he wants to be with me. And nobody can be happy all the time - some people are just better at hiding it than others.

I think like me some people are hung up with the idea that you have to be happy all the time for people to like you but this isnt true. (Please correct me if I am wrong).

But my husband sees me for the person I am and he wants me because I am that person. When somebody loves you and cares for you, (when they truly do) they are there for good times and bad times. My mum said something to me this week that I believe is true - I am going through the bad times at the moment and he will be there for me because he loves me but through our lives together it will balance out and there will be bad times when I will have to be there for him. It is give and take.

I also think that it is not always a good idea to get with somebody who has the same kind of problems than you - I dont always think that can be a healthy relationship and that you both can give each other the support you need. If you are both suffering you cant look after the other person. Its like two people on drugs getting together it just cant work.

All the best everybody and just hang on in there because the right person is there.

Last edited by Toffee1; 05-31-2007 at 04:50 AM.

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