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Old 05-30-2007, 04:24 AM   #1
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And the mindless clutter my path

Most of you don't even know who you are!
I follow you home, you are the ones ahead of me, the ones driving like you have nothing better to do but stare out your window and dream of the good things in life. All that's on your mind is Dinner, then maybe a little Tv or yard work, then off to bed! You are in my way, you are NOT thinking of what the driver behind you is thinking cause you are too stupid to care! I see you in the store, you wander the aisle aimlessly not thinking of the anxious soul behind you who does NOT want to be there in the store with you. You have no clue what real life is about (or as I see it) You live in a fanstasy world, everything is fine! Not me! I see life for what it truly is... Pain, loss, Loniness, cold and never ending! For you, I wish for one day you could see life through my eyes, See how things are not as they seem to you! But this will never happen, because you are simple, You are free! That's just not me!

For me, Life is a succession of never ending days of fear and pain inside my head... I wish I did NOT see the dark side of life. I wish i could be blind like you. I wish that time was something i cherished. But that's not me! I dwell on fear and uncertainty. My days are filled with Thoughts of a never ending pattern and these thoughts are not good thoughts. As you think and see the world, I think and see the world differently through empty eyes and cold heart...

I wish you luck and am happy that you see life the way you do, but please, don't smile at me, Don't look at me and don't think of me, For you do not belong in my mind!

Steve

 
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Old 05-30-2007, 08:39 AM   #2
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Re: And the mindless clutter my path

How do you know what other people are thinking. Are you a mind reader? Just cause someone might smile at you doesn't mean they don't know pain. Maybe if you didn't dwell so much on yourself you might see there are other people out there suffering also. Maybe even more than you. Have you tried meds or counseling? Your anger is not healthy and IF you want to feel better you might try either or both of those things. God bless

 
Old 05-30-2007, 09:06 AM   #3
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Re: And the mindless clutter my path

Steve, you just posted on the depression board. People here do not live in Disney Land! People here know pain! You sound jealous that others might have easier lives? Well, I know my life was tough until I turned it around. Fear, someone told me once that I was motivated by fear and they were exactly correct. Steve, have you never experienced security? Well, if you haven't you can learn how to build a secure life which will end the anxiety. Are you still in therapy?

 
Old 05-30-2007, 09:19 AM   #4
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Re: And the mindless clutter my path

Wow, sorry... Didn't think i was projecting anger towards anybody... This was really just a thought i had and was wondering if anybody else felt this way... It seems that "We" (depressed and anxious) look at life differently than most and this was my view!

Jealous No... Angry yes... Security? Not for a long time!

 
Old 05-30-2007, 09:28 AM   #5
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Re: And the mindless clutter my path

Steve, then I would suggest working toward feeling more secure.

 
Old 05-30-2007, 09:39 AM   #6
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Re: And the mindless clutter my path

Steve, I have to laugh. I read your post this morning before anyone responded and I wasn't sure how to read it. My first reaction was that I could relate in the sense that people are so oblivious to others because they are so self-centered and engrossed in their own lives without giving a hoot about their fellow humans. But then, I saw that you might have intended the message towards us here on the board because maybe perhaps we haven't given you the support or understanding you may have needed. But now I am sure how I can respond.

I get how you feel. I sometimes get jealous of people who live semi-charmed lives where they had good childhoods, still married parents, a chance to go to college, and everything that I didn't have but feel I should've gotten. I hear people complain about the most trivial things when here I sit wishing for my health, which is something no one should take for granted.

I understand how you feel, my friend. I know you are going through a rough time with your ex and your depression. It's okay to feel angry, jealous, etc. Let yourself feel those emotions so that you can peel away the layers to get to the core of your anger. Your ex is willing to go to therapy to get your relationship to a civilized state. I think there is much hope for the two of you to healthily raise your children with much love.


 
Old 05-30-2007, 10:20 AM   #7
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Re: And the mindless clutter my path

Woah... I was thinking you were angry too, Steve! I'm glad you came back and said what you did... Clarified, that is.

I hear ya on this. There's something about a struggle that makes a person stronger... There is.

I for one, am blessed to be able to go through what I've gone through. I would never want to take it back. Through my "struggles," I can say I "get it." I GET what the whole point is. It's all a learning process... A journey.

Some go through depression as part of their journey... And learn a lot from it.
Others? They don't care so much. We're just more aware... And I'd rather be that way then only thinking about when the next good TV show is on.

So... Being aware of feelings and the world around you can be a pain... But in my opinion, it's a blessing... Take care ~ Sly
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Old 05-30-2007, 12:59 PM   #8
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Re: And the mindless clutter my path

Glad you replied. I guess I just see it differently. I am glad there are people out there who are happy. I am doing my best to be one of them. Sure beats the depression. Just taking one day at a time. Keep checking my feelings to see if they are valid or not and still able to care about what's on tv tonight. God bless

 
Old 05-30-2007, 06:10 PM   #9
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messy HB User
Re: And the mindless clutter my path

it's intriguing how differently individuals interpret things isn't it! Funnily enough, on first reading this post, I automatically saw it as someone in pain that was merely shouting out to the non suffering, non understanding people amongst us, the ones that put us down. I found it to be a post of empathy for fellow sufferers- with strong, cuttingly sarcastic words intended for those who don't and never will understand, but I could be so wrong!

Everything really is in the eye of the beholder, it's better in my opinion if people could keep their mind at least open - like a parachute!

 
Old 05-30-2007, 06:17 PM   #10
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Re: And the mindless clutter my path

I took it the exact same way as you when I read it. The OP is obviously in alot of pain, and I can sympathize. I can remember feeling the same way towards the 'happy' people many, many times in my life.

 
Old 05-30-2007, 07:07 PM   #11
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Re: And the mindless clutter my path

i interpreted it the same way as you, kittywitty, and messy!!
if we've been in such pain, we know how it is to feel it, and to talk about it.

it's ok, steve!!
hang in there. we've been through it too!!!!
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Old 05-30-2007, 09:43 PM   #12
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Re: And the mindless clutter my path

Steve, Reading your post brought tears to my eyes because I know that feeling all to well. You have friends here who know what pain and sadness and anger mean on a very real level.

Hope you're feeling better very soon!!

 
Old 05-31-2007, 03:57 AM   #13
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Re: And the mindless clutter my path

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sannah View Post
Steve, then I would suggest working toward feeling more secure.

Sannah, how does one go about this?

 
Old 05-31-2007, 04:25 AM   #14
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Re: And the mindless clutter my path

I guess i should say i am sorry for coming out like i did! In my frale state of mind, I sometimes don't even remember posting things like this till i go back and look! It's amazing how bad this disease can get with age and it seems that the older i get the worse it goes! Even my Ex Jen can tell you this, she has seen it first hand and i have to say that i am very proud of her for sticking with me this whole time!

I think it was Sannah who asked if i was still in therapy? I am not. Time and money won't allow me (which is a shame, but what does one do?)

I want to thank you all for being kind with me, but i supose as messed up as i am , This won't be the first time i baffle you... lol...

Thanks People

 
Old 05-31-2007, 09:30 AM   #15
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Re: And the mindless clutter my path

Steve1

You don't have to apologize. You're letting out some hurts there.

There are ppl living happy lives--without so much as a care in the world.
(I don't know anybody like that, but I'm sure there some that exist.)

I know ppl that are happy--but they're also going through some very tough and trying times. They're trying to work past some deep hurt and at the same time, they have to do it with a smile on their face. They have children that depend on them; they have jobs and other issues to deal with.

But they press through wanting to just give up and give in to make things work.
They also reach out a helping hand to those in need.

Sometimes, if you look for other that are going through a similar situation as yourself, you'll get a boost by just knowing you've paid more attention to someone else's needs than you're own.

I'm not saying neglect yourself; I'm saying do what you can to improve someone else's life, and the same will be done for you.

You never know how or who will be the one to do so in return.

Look up and be positive!

Last edited by jujubeez725; 05-31-2007 at 09:35 AM.

 
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