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Old 05-30-2007, 07:53 PM   #1
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justlilme HB User
bad evening

I had such a bad evening that I don't even have the energy to explain or vent about it. The first thing I did when I got home was log on here and post where I know I am liked by at least a couple of people. Thanks for being here.

 
Old 05-30-2007, 10:28 PM   #2
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Piranna65 HB User
Re: bad evening

awww...hang in there. My morning started simliar to that expect I had to go to work and be annoyed and angry for the first hour or so!

Hope your night is going better.

 
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Old 05-30-2007, 10:44 PM   #3
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Brian031168 HB User
Re: bad evening

Hi, I hope you feel better. I know how it is, sometimes I have a really bad time but dont feel able to or even that I want to talk about it for whatever reason. Its just nice to have people around who know how we feel and to know they are there if we need them.

Take care

 
Old 05-30-2007, 10:58 PM   #4
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omphalos HB User
Re: bad evening

Hello justlilme,

I am sorry to hear you had such bad evening. I hope things improve for you soon. I think you are liked by more than just couple of people on this board. I noticed that you live in southern California. So do I. I just wanted to let you know that someone in southern California is thinking of you.

Take care,

omphalos

 
Old 05-31-2007, 05:53 AM   #5
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Dakota_Skye HB User
Re: bad evening

hi hon,

we've all been there at one point or another. we know how you feel!!!!
it's ok. it will get better, in time. we're here for you!!!!!!
__________________
Be kinder than necessary,
Because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle...

 
Old 05-31-2007, 06:47 AM   #6
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ChaosAD HB User
Re: bad evening

Hi justlilme, I hope you are feeling better. I totally understand and have had times where I just wanted to post but not really go into it. If you do want to talk about it later please feel free to post. Hope you are doing well!

 
Old 05-31-2007, 07:50 AM   #7
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even_sly HB User
Re: bad evening

(((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))

If you do want to talk about it, we're here, k?
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"Be content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you." ~ Lao Tzu

 
Old 05-31-2007, 09:17 AM   #8
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jujubeez725 HB User
Re: bad evening

Hey J.lilme!!!

I've had plenty of those days!
Hang in there ... things will get better.

 
Old 05-31-2007, 09:50 AM   #9
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MariaBB HB User
Re: bad evening

Is today going any better for you (I hope)

 
Old 05-31-2007, 11:01 AM   #10
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justlilme HB User
Re: bad evening

Wow!!! Thank you all so much for your responses. You all just brightened my day, especially when it's so overcast and gloomy out today.

I posted last night in the heat of the moment and now in retrospect I think that what I was upset about was so trivial. But here goes anyway. Hubby, the kids, and I went to our son's open house at his school and I was extremely uncomfortable due to a group of moms who are so catty. I was doing well mingling with other parents and playing with the kids, but I just let those moms get the best of me. They did nothing but stand in their little spot in their little group and talk (or gossip) about who knows what. They gossiped about me several months ago (loud enough so they knew I heard) at how ridiculous I was for sending my son to kindergarten this coming fall when he is still only 4yrs. It's none of my business what they say, but they have no right to say things like that about me or anyone. So when I'm around them, I can't help but feel so little.

I know that this is really an issue about my self-esteem, for if I had good self-esteem then I would deem insignificant whatever those moms had to say. I've been working on this with my therapist. Most days are good, but others are not so good like last night. I'm so glad that my daughter has learned my stronger side than my weaker side. That's all I can really hope for now, right?

Another thing that has been festering in me for a couple of days is that my dad wants to hand me over his 13yr old son because he no longer has control over him. I keep telling my dad what he needs to do to improve his parenting, but he doesn't want to take my advice. My dad needs to be more loving, compassionate, forgiving, and affectionate to his son so that he doesn't retreat into video games and neglect his school work. All I hear from my dad is what his son is doing wrong and I try to balance it out with mentioning all the good things the kid is doing. Now what? My dad is giving up and wants the boy to live with us? Out of the goodness of my heart and love for my brother, I am willing to take him in as my own. But gosh, why must I always be my parents' support? Through their marital strife, affairs, divorce, relationships, parenting, money problems, they come to me. I'm their kid and they're supposed to be the ones supporting me, not vice versa!! My daughter overheard my husband and me talking about it and she later told me that she felt really bad for her uncle having a dad who is giving up on him and how she and her brother are so lucky that me and my husband won't ever do such a thing even when they do the worst things. My dad makes me so angry sometimes.

So that's it, I guess. Today I've just been counting my blessings to keep me from dwelling on my pathetic problems. Thank you so much for all your support!!!!!

I hope everyone is having a good Thursday.

 
Old 05-31-2007, 11:29 AM   #11
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jujubeez725 HB User
Wink Re: bad evening

Quote:
Originally Posted by justlilme View Post
Wow!!! Thank you all so much for your responses. You all just brightened my day, especially when it's so overcast and gloomy out today.

I posted last night in the heat of the moment and now in retrospect I think that what I was upset about was so trivial. But here goes anyway. Hubby, the kids, and I went to our son's open house at his school and I was extremely uncomfortable due to a group of moms who are so catty. I was doing well mingling with other parents and playing with the kids, but I just let those moms get the best of me. They did nothing but stand in their little spot in their little group and talk (or gossip) about who knows what. They gossiped about me several months ago (loud enough so they knew I heard) at how ridiculous I was for sending my son to kindergarten this coming fall when he is still only 4yrs. It's none of my business what they say, but they have no right to say things like that about me or anyone. So when I'm around them, I can't help but feel so little.

I know that this is really an issue about my self-esteem, for if I had good self-esteem then I would deem insignificant whatever those moms had to say. I've been working on this with my therapist. Most days are good, but others are not so good like last night. I'm so glad that my daughter has learned my stronger side than my weaker side. That's all I can really hope for now, right?

Another thing that has been festering in me for a couple of days is that my dad wants to hand me over his 13yr old son because he no longer has control over him. I keep telling my dad what he needs to do to improve his parenting, but he doesn't want to take my advice. My dad needs to be more loving, compassionate, forgiving, and affectionate to his son so that he doesn't retreat into video games and neglect his school work. All I hear from my dad is what his son is doing wrong and I try to balance it out with mentioning all the good things the kid is doing. Now what? My dad is giving up and wants the boy to live with us? Out of the goodness of my heart and love for my brother, I am willing to take him in as my own. But gosh, why must I always be my parents' support? Through their marital strife, affairs, divorce, relationships, parenting, money problems, they come to me. I'm their kid and they're supposed to be the ones supporting me, not vice versa!! My daughter overheard my husband and me talking about it and she later told me that she felt really bad for her uncle having a dad who is giving up on him and how she and her brother are so lucky that me and my husband won't ever do such a thing even when they do the worst things. My dad makes me so angry sometimes.

So that's it, I guess. Today I've just been counting my blessings to keep me from dwelling on my pathetic problems. Thank you so much for all your support!!!!!

I hope everyone is having a good Thursday.
J.Lilme,

You've been wearing the weight of the world on your shoulders!

Now, about those catty moms....
I gotta tell you like my moms would tell me: "Now look, those females don't pay your bills; they don't give you a roof over your head; they aren't taking care of you and yours and THEY DON'T MAKE OR BREAK YOU! So why do you give a @$%* about what they say????"

Keep that in mind the next time you overhear some dumb stuff!
So what if your son is 4 and in Kindergarten! That's a good thing!
He's getting a good start on his education -- girl, FORGET THE CATS!

As for you father, he's WRONG! I do believe he needs to go to some parenting classes; I also believe he needs to quit running from his responsibility (his OWN son) and deal with his son like he's supposed to.
Your dad may be a good guy, but he has a son that needs his father.
Sounds like he's used to putting his responsibility off on someone else.

You aren't the answer to his "problem" -- his problem is that he does not want to deal with the son he created. If he keeps doing this to his son, that young man will resent him--if he doesn't already.

You have a lot of parents that don't act like adults; but that's because they never "grew up" or matured into adults. The kids show more maturity and then the parents want to load all their responsibilities on the mature kids they have.

It's up to you if you want to take your brother in... that's really sorry on behalf of your dad. Make sure you discuss this life-changing issue with your husband and kids, b/c that's not going to be easy. It may be helpful to your brother, though, to know he has family that loves him like that... but will your husband and kids have the room and space they've become accustomed to? Will they be ok with the adjustments? Work it out!

 
Old 05-31-2007, 11:58 AM   #12
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Sannah HB UserSannah HB User
Re: bad evening

Lilme, I like you a lot! Why do you value the opinion of these women? Once you make the decision not to value their opinions they will no longer bother you. I also see a small and weak you cowering in front of these women. Take back your power Lilme! Actually, your screen name says it all!

I am sorry that you have weak parents too who looked towards you to be the parent! Maybe this is why you feel weak because you didn't get the support that you needed from them. When parents aren't in charge, children feel afraid because if the parent wants the child to be in charge this is very scary and the child cannot gain a sense of security. Children grow up feeling secure when they have a loving parent who takes control and makes the child feel safe and secure because they are taking care of everything.

 
Old 05-31-2007, 08:17 PM   #13
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justlilme HB User
Re: bad evening

Thanks Jujubeez. Tonight when my husband comes home we'll discuss the logistics of taking my brother in. My dad will always be the way he is. Let's hope he's just having one of his tantrums of giving up rather than being dead serious that he doesn't want his son anymore.

If Sannah isn't a doctor, then I say she's a psychic. Everyone in agreement say ay! lol

Yes, I grew up feeling so insecure because I have always been different from the other kids. My cousins always picked on me and my classmates thought I was weird. I had to become very quiet and nontalkative so that I would seem normal and so that other kids would play with me. So all my life I've felt that no one likes me. I would've been okay if my parents offered me stability at home, but they didn't. Instead, I was there for them. So when I get into situations where someone obviously doesn't take to me for one reason or another, I get overwhelmed with feelings of rejection and I lose control of my emotions. But I'm feeling better today.

Thank you all so much for listening!

 
Old 05-31-2007, 08:41 PM   #14
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Dakota_Skye HB User
Re: bad evening

hi lilme,

about those women (cats, as you refer to them), and your dad and his child, i wanted to post something very, very similar to juju's post, but she said it excellently!!!!!! and i just want to say that i agree with her 100%!!!!!!!!!!!

like juju said, If he keeps doing this to his son, that young man will resent him--if he doesn't already. it may very well be true. i would just add that you can continue to be there for him--for the 13-year old child-- and give him praise and tell him about the good things he is doing and be a good figure in his life. you're kind, generous, know about how it is to feel left out, etc. he can learn good things from you. but ultimately, it is his father who must be the responsible one here. i don't know if you taking him in will do this boy much good in the long term in terms of his relationship with his dad. do you see what i mean. it will be excellent now!!!! that's for sure. but what about down the road? when the boy grows up? he'll be 15, 16, 17 in the blink of an eye, and that's when the rebellion starts. please understand that i'm not trying to dissuade you from doing anything your heart tells you to do. i'm trying to look at things from a perspective here, esp. from the 13-year old, soon-to-be 15-16 year old boy and his relationship with his dad.

i wish you peace and comfort, lilme!!

by the way, juju made me smile this evening when she said "forget the cats!"

go juju!!! and thanks for the smile!!
__________________
Be kinder than necessary,
Because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle...

 
Old 05-31-2007, 09:34 PM   #15
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justlilme HB User
Re: bad evening

You know, Dakota, you're right! I can take my half-brother in and give him a home, but I won't be solving any problems by doing so. Ultimately, my dad will still have a problem with his son and only he will be able to fix it. The poor child already resents his mother for leaving him. I guess I'll just have to give my dad the same tough love he gave me when I was growing up: don't save him, just let him fix his own problem.

Juju, fyi that was what I called my little girl when she was a baby because I was addicted to the candy. Now it's shortened to Jooj.

 
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