I just want to scream right about now! My son is still nursing, but usually does okay with the bottle as well. He goes through his days where he won't have anything to do with the bottle, and vice-versa, but most days, he's content with either/or. Usually, it really doesn't matter to me, and I really don't mind nursing him. In fact, sometimes it's all I can do to just sit down for a moment, take a break, and enjoy being his mom for a few minutes.
The last three days, which have already been incredibly difficult in every aspect, he's refused the bottle, and now all of a sudden, screams like he's being beat if I'm more than about a foot away from him. I'm sure he's just feeling my stress and anxiety, and probably realizing that his dad and sister haven't been around, but geeze...he's driving me nuts! I'm feeling SO touched out...that I just don't want anyone touching me, and now my little man is quite litterally attached to me, non-stop. Last night, I had had enough, and wasn't going to give in, but then the people from the next hotel room complained of his crying, so of course, I had to stop him, and give in, and nurse him and hold him, even though the thought of being touched again made my skin crawl. That sounds horrible, I know. I love him more than life itself, but geeze...I'm needing a break from being attached. Is that okay?? I'm finding that I'm starting to resent him, because he is requiring so much attention, and then my daughters are requiring attention, and my husband feels he isn't getting enough attention. And the list goes on. I just want a damn break!
Is there someone there who could take the little one off of your hands for awhile? You don't say how old he his. Your husband needs to understand that at this time he needs come after the kids. Also don't put your needs last all the time. Take a walk. Let your son cry for awhile. Let the neighbors complain. I know it isn't easy but you have to put your foot down and insist on help. Hope someone can give you better ideas. God bless
Thanks Marian,
My son is 9 months old, and I am far away from home with only my 5 year old, and him, for my daughters medical care. We are currently staying at a hotel, and there is no one to take him. My husband is back home with our 2 year old. My husband does understand that his needs must come after the kids...but it seems that the kids needs are never ending. I can understand why he is feeling this way. I feel it too, BUT, I also feel that I am stretched as thin as I could possibly be stretched. Sigh.
hi there NVD,
i've been reading your thread with sannah and despite all the crap you've been through and are facing right now (God bless you, girl!!!!), i still think that you are one of the strongest women i have seen or "met" in my life. i don't know if i were able to hold on, and do as much as you have done until now. you are unbelievable! since i don't have anything to help you with, i'll say a prayer that God will watch over you and your all your little ones, as well as your husband, and give you all much strength and perseverance to go on, so that your path will (at least one day) become much lighter and easier to tread. with admiration, dakota
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Be kinder than necessary,
Because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle...
hi NVD, gee it sounds like your going through a really rough time. what do you do after the kids are asleep at night? it seems like a good idea to take a little time for yourself. i know that your probably exhausted by then, but how about a nice warm bubble bath with some soothing music? it may help to relax you a bit before turning in. also i don't know how well your sleeping, but if your not sleeping well this may help. and if your more relaxed then maybe things won't feel so bad.
i know it's really easy for me to sit here and say all of this, but i've had three young children all very close in age and was strecthed real thin many times. i wanted to pull my hair out. but somehow i managed to get through it and you will to. just hang in there and every once in a while take a deep breath and count to ten.
hi there NVD,
i've been reading your thread with sannah and despite all the crap you've been through and are facing right now (God bless you, girl!!!!), i still think that you are one of the strongest women i have seen or "met" in my life. i don't know if i were able to hold on, and do as much as you have done until now. you are unbelievable! since i don't have anything to help you with, i'll say a prayer that God will watch over you and your all your little ones, as well as your husband, and give you all much strength and perseverance to go on, so that your path will (at least one day) become much lighter and easier to tread. with admiration, dakota
Hi Dakota,
Thank you so much for your kind words. I do appreciate them. I wish I felt or seen the strength that you see. I just don't feel it, and haven't felt it for the last few weeks. I don't feel strong, but weak, and overwhelmed, and irritable, and emotional, and cranky, and exhausted, and......! But your words give me a hope that maybe I'm just not looking deep enough. Thank you for the prayers, they are felt, and so, so appreciated. Thank you, thank you!
Harmony,
Thank you for the reply. Up until these last few days, a warm bath was part of my nightly ritual. Sometimes two or three before bedtime, just trying to unwind. Sometimes I also try drinking a decaffinated lavendar/chammomile tea, but neither seem to do any good. I'm not much of a sleeper these days, my typical night consists of 2-4 hours of broken sleep.
Now though, it's like my son has a built in radar, and as soon as I walk out of the room, will wake from a deep sleep and won't calm back down until he's nursed some, and he knows I'm next to him. I know I'm being trained, but I'm not in a position to be kicked out of the hotel, because I'm letting my kid cry it out. He's had a hard time with all the traveling, sitting in hospitals and doctors offices for hours on end, being away from my husband and other daughter, etc...but his reaction to the stress is bringing my blood to a boil...How do you make an infant to understand that if you don't get just a few minutes to regroup that you're really going to lose it?!
NVD, yeh, I think that you are right, your son is feeling insecure because of the new environment and that a few people are missing now from your family. It seems that he wants comfort from you and you aren't able to give it (and I can understand this!) and it just makes him all the more insecure and clingy. Sounds like a vicious circle right now. I wish I could be there for you right now. Give you a break from your kids, and an adult to talk to.....
It is hard dealing with a child with medical problems and being so far from home. How long will you be in this situation? Can husband start taking more care of the little one so he is not so dependent on you? Can he take him out for awhile so you can get a break? It must be hard for the little one to be in this strange place and he must feel anxious. Remember that this is a temporary situation and you won't be there forever. God bless
Thank you Sannah. It seems that life is full of vicious cycles these days, doesn't it?? It would be nice to have an adult to talk to again, in person. An adult who may understand some of what's going on, and even if they don't, won't be judgemental.
Marian,
Yes, it is very difficult dealing with a child with medical situations...let alone two. My husband is about 12 hours away, back at home, with our two year old, who is also dealing with some medical conditions, completely different from our five year old. He's taking her to all her appointments, and tests there. Not sure how much longer we will be here...we've been gone from home for 12 days now.
Thanks again for the support, and understanding.
Amber
