Just wonder do you guys think your childhood / teens could have an impact on you being depressed without you even being aware of it?
Coz it seems everyone (my GP, my counsellor, a new therapist and doctor I met today) thinks my dad passed away when I was little is a factor that is making me depressed, but to be honest, I really don't think this is the reason, but I seem to be only one who thinks this way. I am confused again.
oh, ya growing up has a lot to do with how we see things as an adult. thats when i've been told too and i believe it. i grew up not feeling loved as a kid so now i'm in my 40's and feel the same way.....that nobody cares about me. sure people tell me they care but i have a hard time believing them. i guess that is life.
Well, I have been loved and cared by a lot of ppl, apart from I dont really have a lot of friends, but all the friends I have are quality, so the number is just a number.
I have been thinking a lot lately about this, I dont actually have a lot of memory of my childhood, it's not that I had been treated badly as a kid or anything, but I just don't remember a lot. Strange, I sometimes envy those ppl who remember every single details of their childhood.
You know what, i really had to chime in here.. i am 43 yrs old had the best childhood ever..great holidays, birthdays my parents are alive and well and still married for 47 yrs. i suffer from depression. no reason why other than genetics. Absolutely no abuse as a child. my depression starated as postpartum but i do remember as a teen feeling depressed..i guess i didnt address it until i was 24 yrs old. i am on antidepressants and do ok.. My son is 21, had a great childhood,surronded by loving parents,grandparents,aunts ,uncles etc..he was the first grandchild..so you can imagine how we all adored him..anyway he too suffers from depression, he turned to drugs to help him deal with it by numbing..he is currently off drugs and on antidepressants and they seem to be helping him..he suffers from both anxiety and depression as do myself,my mom,my grandfather,great uncle and possibly more that i dont know about. so, while yes while some tragedies do cause depression.losing parents,children etc.. sometimes that is not the case. more often it is genetics and hormones..whatever the reason, it can be helped with the right kind of therapy and medication. so go from there,focus on feeling better!
Your childhood is the basis of pretty much who you are. Traits you had as a child chances are you will still have them. Depression comes pretty much in two forms. The first being situational depression - loss of a partner or parent, loss of a close friendship, etc. Pretty much reasons where you are suppose to feel upset or grieve in my opinion this is usually solved through therapy or even time the negative feelings will go away. Now the other type is chemical depression which is the lack of certain chemicals in your brain, this type does not go away on its own. It may come in cycles in severity but more than likely it will not go away onitse own and requires medication. Chemical depression does not care how you grew up if it is going to attack you it will and there is very little you can do about it. Where childhood kicks in is how you deal with the depression, I was not taught many emotions as a child beside anger and fear so I do have some difficulty on how depression impacts my life as when depression hits someones life they tend to fall back on what they know. If they were not taught the proper coping mechanisms, emotions and so forth it definately will have an impact. I ramble alot sorry
Major Depressive Disorder With Psychotic Features
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Borderline Personality Disorder
Generalized Anxiety Disorder
i agree with both jules and trg. my childhood was the most wonderful period in my life (until i was about 10-11 years old), and i have great memories of that. when i entered my teens however, that's when "stuff" started to happen. that's also when i moved from my grandparents' house to live with my parents. the older i became, and the more societal pressures i felt (i.e., school), the worse my sense of self became, my appreciation and thoughts of myself, my belief in myself, etc. now, my parents weren't very good at child rearing (i guess they didn't bother to read the book, haha), and i guess they didn't realize that i was a sensitive child to begin with. i took things very much to heart, and i internalized their criticisms, judgments and at times, pretty harsh opinions of me. there was also some comparison between my sister and i (by my parents), and it was almost clear in my head that they favored my sister over me....it may have been true, it may not, but this is how i perceived it. if they had a sense at least, that this is how i saw things, i think that as parents they should have said something and reassured me that it wasn't so, but they never did. anyway, i've always believed that having been a shy kid, coupled with the life experiences i went through when i became a teen and later an adolescent, and trying to fit in at school, then at work, and all the while thinking "i'm not good," "i'll not amount to much," "nobody'll want to be with me," "i'm not smart enough"--all of these things that my parents said to me when i was a teen/an adolescent--have influenced my already vulnerable and heightened emotional state.
so, i truly and most definitely believe there is more than one cause to depression. i believe it because my sister and i were raised in the same household, and she also got criticized to some degree (because she was too outspoken and too outgoing--my opposite), yet she didn't devlop this depressive problem and it has never taken over her life. of course she gets sad, but it doesn't rule her life!!! in my case though, this lasted ever since my late teens, and even after i started to get help in my early 20's. it's there even now, after years of taking meds and doing therapy. heredity, genetic predisposition, environmental influences, they all influence us. there sure isn't only one thing that causes clinical depression. and i am talking about clinical/severe depression here.
so, extra, sometimes we may forget what bothers us (from the past), but it doesn't mean it doesn't affect us in our daily lives, now, or that it doesn't impact the way we see the world and react to it, long after that "incident' has passed.
girl, if i managed to get over some of my hell, so will you!!!
Be kinder than necessary,
Because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle...
You guys are all right on the nose regarding depression. It can be circumstantial, physiological, or circumstances influencing a physiological predisposition.
Thanks, Jules, for sharing your story. It helps me feel better and quiets my thoughts on how defective I feel. I was just talking to an old friend with whom I haven't spoken in years and I told her about being on medication. She asked me what is so wrong in my life that I am so depressed. I told her that it really is a chemical imbalance that runs in my family, but she didn't get it. I started to feel down about meds again, but I stopped myself because I knew better.
Dakota, very funny about the parenting book! I guess your parents' nurse forgot to give them the manual after you were born because I got it and my kids are perfect! lol Dakota, I like you just the way you are: sometimes quiet and not posting, sometimes opening up and sharing yourself with others. Nice to know someone who's like me.
Of course I think that it is almost all about environment and development and that genetics determines which symptoms you are going to get (depression vs. anxiety, etc.) or how well you can withstand or fall victim to an environment.
Trg, no one could come out of your upbringing unscathed, no one!
Dakota, if you would have stayed with your grandparents and grew up with them your entire life you wouldn't be on the depression board right now. Maybe because your sister fought back she didn't internalize things the way that you did. Sounds like you just took it and she fought it. IMO, this would make a huge difference in if you get depression or not. If you fight you are empowered and don't feel weak.
Jules, development is more than appearances. Each person has to get exactly what they need to develop "perfectly". If a parent does not read their child well and respond in kind (and there are plenty of reasons why a parent can't read their child well - I have one daughter who is nothing like me and I have a hard time understanding her most of the time. She is very close to her dad. He can understand her much more easily than I can.)
nnajust lilme, im glad you got what i was saying...i dont even tell friends anymore about depression...unless you've been there you dont understand...they would say to me "what do you have to be depressed about? you have a great husband beautiful kids a nice house. whats your problem" it would make me so frustrated..
sannah, im sorry but i cant understand what you are saying to me about appearances.
Jules, what I meant is that you are telling me that everything was great in your family, "appearances". If you were anxious/depressed there was something that you didn't get growing up. Anxiety is from not feeling secure.
i'm sorry sannah if this is not right, and i don't mean to respond FOR you, but my interpretation is that what you meant by "appearances" in jules' case is that although she had a wonderful childhood and great experiences as a kid, it does not mean that everything was completely and totally great in her parents' rearing of her. i think that is what you mean. if not, sorry for my misrepresentation.
in regard to myself, i don't think that i would not have been on this board had i stayed with my grandparents, sannah. there were other stresses there, in country-life, esp. during the communist era. i don't think that i would've been able to go to university or to make something of myself either, even if i had excellent grades. there were usually only a few openings available in school/univ. on a given year, and many students were not accepted though they were very intelligent. however, if their parents had money and paid the univ. directors, deans, etc., then these students had better chances at entering. so, i don't really agree with you on this point.
Be kinder than necessary,
Because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle...
I would like to say that my childhood has a lot to do with my depression but i can,t say to my parents as i do not want to upset them.But it is always playing in the back of my mind that is there fault.
hey-this is a tough one. i still remain convinced that my past is not the sole reason i am like this. the psychs tell me different. i was sexcually abused and bullied, my school was a hell hole and ive never been confident in mysel, im the bad child out of two and i constantly argue. now, i know your going to tell me-of course thats were your depression comes from. BUT, there are times when my moods just come, i have no control the positive thoughts i try to think do not even dent it-im at the mercy of the feelings. and they are nothing to even do with my past, its just a feeling of utter hopelesness and despair, but im not thinking of my past at all. i realise it could affect me without me realising, but still, i maintain that its just to fishy to beleive everything is related to my past. my family have a history of depression , mental illness and alchoholism(outside my imediate family), i believe myself to be predispositioned to it, i maybe cannot withstand what others may be able to, and am weak when it comes to dealing with things.
well-thats my opinion.
My hands are small
But theyre not yours, they
are my own
But theyre not yours,
they are my own
And i am never broken
sannah, are you serious? fear of flying,fear of dying any kind of fears can cause anxiety. going to a doctor causes some people anxiety. speaking in front of a group cause some people anxiety. i could go on and on. maybe we are on 2 different pages.
All of these fears of different things are based on insecurity. If you feel secure in your being you have fewer fears. Secure people are not as fearful. I am taking down to the very basic level.
Pucca, it is not your "past" that is affecting you today it is your development that is affecting you today. Your past affected your development and now your development is affecting you now. Your development is your thoughts, feelings, problems solving skills, coping skills, etc.
Galbraith, you settle your past in your own mind not with your parents. I don't know anyone who convinced their parents that they affected them.