SO here i am again feeling like no body cares about me. i email people and they say "write anytime" so i write anytime only to get ........................................ ......hummm.......this much back after i've poured out my heart to them. so i'm thinking whats the use. who cares anyways. i mean if they REALLY cared they would write me for once don't ya think?? well, i don't know. guess i'm down today. i wish this would STOP.......why does there have to be something called depression anyways. why do we have to have this constant battle with our emotions and feelings.
right now i'm feeling in the way. sorry to take up space. just wanted to vent some. *sigh*
how many times did i ask myself that same question: why does there have to be such a thing as depression? why do some people have to suffer to the point of wanting to end it all, and others go on about their daily lives taking it all in stride and seeming as if they don't even know what the word means. i mean, taking it all for granted. i don't know.
about your friends. mokie, maybe they don't know what to write to you after you pour out your heart to them. even some people on this board have said that sometimes they cannot answer other people's qustions or posts b/c they don't know what to say, they can't identify with the problem, they have no idea about a certain med, etc. you know, it's hard when WE don't fully understand it ourselves, let alone someone else, someone from the outside looking in. but i get what you're trying to say. i still think though that this forum here is one of the best places to come to when you want to be understood and listened to and accepted for who you are.
we are here for you, girl!!!!
Be kinder than necessary,
Because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle...
Hey Mokie. I'm going through the same thing with a friend. I feel she doesn't care after a 16yr relationship.
If I recall correctly, is it you who has two friends that also have depression but still don't understand what you're going through? Or do you have friends who tell you to call and email anytime but they never email you back; they say that they care and are there for you, but are busy when you call? Geez, forgive me, it's been 3mos since I've talked to you.
We're all here for you on the board. I wish all of us here on the board could meet in person because the friendships I have here are more genuine than any friends I have in person. Hang in there Mokie and maybe new friends will come into your life who actually truly care. Try to accept your current friends for what they are and try not to expect more so you won't be disappointed. Then come here on the board to us who really care.
of course i'm looking for someone to love me. what wrong with that? and i dont' love myself .
Mokie, what is wrong with this? Because you keep getting disappointed and because you have to love yourself first. You have tried this route for years without the results that you want. I am just trying to push you to see a different way.
I completely agree with Sannah. Mokie, you are the ONLY person who you can control completely. I mean, not to be humorous, but you could have a crush on yourself if you wanted. It's not a matter of finding reasons to love yourself, but realizing that you have the option. You don't have to dress nicely, or make your bed, or excel in everything you do in order to impress yourself. You're you, and you have the freedom to look past any of your shortcomings, introduce yourself to your ego for the first time, and just respect who you are.
For a long time I didn't understand what people were saying when they said that you have to love you first before you can love anyone else. I figured how could I love the person I am? For me it translated into how could anyone else love me either? Being loved is a human need even if a few swear they don't truly need it. So I will try and explain what i got or learned about loving myself before others deal. I use to say that I would be happy if I had a special someone in my life. I based my happiness on someone else. THe problem came that even when I had that someone I was never happy and was always looking to the next person who might have whatever was missing. The problem was what was missing was inside of me. That i had to find my own sense of happiness based on things I do or enjoy and not on someone else. I think love is the same way. How can you base an existence on a person when what truly is valued is inside of you? I hope this makes some form of sense I seem to have lost what I meant versus what is written. So hopefully it is clearer then i think it is. It is like with friends I had a best friend for many years and loved her dearly. It was just recently that I saw the truth I hadn't wanted to see before then. The truth that we were not best friends at all and a lot of really painful stuff. It made me value the friends that are the definition of it that much more. If you know your best buds aren't there for you or can't be for whatever reason then find friends who are. You know here we are here for you as much as we can be. We read, and support each other without ever asking for anything in return. We don't care if you got two heads, purple skin, and a tail. It is the person on the inside we have come to know and respond to.
So take heart if you can in what I and the others said. You are worth the love you deserve starting with you loving you.
I thought what you wrote made complete sense.....and was really well said!
P.S. you do only have one head though right?
Thank you Carsam sometimes the Bipolar gets in the way a bit and I get sort of lost in what i mean versus say. lol Sometimes I do have two heads as a matter of fact and before you think I jumped into the cuckoo's nest my puppy likes to lay on the back of the couch and lay his next to my neck. He then does seem a little attached and won't move for hours. I kept getting asked when I am planning on removing said tumor. lol I don't know yet on that one.
Do you know what Mokie, I felt exactly the same this morning, but I did take my pill in the end, for the sake of it. I am getting really tired of all these; taking pills, goging to different doctors, seeing people... you are not the only one, if it makes you any better.