does anyone ever wish that they could curl up in a ball and block out the wourld? this is how i've been feeling lately. i'm so tired of all the hassles of life. its one problem after another, and nobody ever seems to be happy no matter what you do. i think i need to talk to my shrink soon, i think that my meds need some changing.
i think that part of my problem is that i expect the meds to do all the work. after all, if i could make myself feel better don't you think i would? i don't think that anyone likes being depressed. anyway this is why i just want to block everything out.
does anyone ever wish they didn't have any feelings? i often do, but this is a bit scary, because sometimes if you wish for something it may come true. i've heard that some meds make you lose your emotions, so i better tread lightly, i'm not really sure that i mean this. although sometimes it woiuld be better not to feel anything at all rather then lay there and cry.
yes, i sure had those feelings and i still do from time to time. it's when i get very tired and overwhelmed... many times i thought i'd rather be like mr. spock on star treck--no feelings, just thoughts. i'd want that much more over the depressive nightmare. just know you're definitely not alone!
Be kinder than necessary,
Because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle...
Oh Harmony, I so understand what you are talking about! Sometimes it just seems easier to not exist, than to exist and have to deal with the things that life throws our way.
I'm sorry you are having such a hard time right now. I really don't have any words of encouragement, or advice,(Sorry!) but I just wanted to say that I DO understand. Hope things start looking better for you soon. Take care.
thank you so much for responding Dakota_skye and NVD. it means alot that someone has taken the time to respond so quickly. i don't wish these feelings to anyone, but yet it somehow makes me feel better that i'm not alone. and NVD, there's no need to say your sorry. just your answering this post has helped
Hi harmony. I used to feel that way. I would sleep to block out the yucky feelings. Maybe you need to see a therapist. Your feelings may have a valid reason from your past, or it may simply be because of medical depression. Find out the real root of why you're feeling so down. If it's not due to emotional issues, then maybe you're simply on the wrong medication.
the reason that i mention making others happy is that my sister and i had a big fight over the stupidest thing and it was all because i tried to make her happy. i just don't get it. i dont' know if anyone wants to hear it but here is what happened.
my husband and i and her and her husband go out every saturday night for dinner. this particular night we really didn't want to go to the restaurant that she had her heart set on but because that was where she wanted to go we agreed without much of a fuss. the food was ordered and she was having the salad bar. our food came and she went to get her salad. we finished eating and she said oh i had planned on getting another salad. we told her to go that we weren't in a hurry to leave. knowing that she was going to feel uncomfortable eating alone i said to my husband that maybe we should order desert. my sister was almost at the salad bar which wasn't far away, when she started to turn' around to come back to sit down. both guys saw her and at the same time told her to go get her salad. we never did get desert, and she never ate her salad because something was said and my husband, just teasing her said, that's ok we're just going to stare at her eat.
well that was it she was ready to leave and on the way to the car my husband was trying to appologize and sh e wouldn't hear it and was being nasty. i defended him and now we're not talking.
i just feel really bad because i should have never mentioned desert because none of this would have ever happened. i was only trying to make her more comfortable. no matter what i do it always seems to be the wrong thing.
i sit here and i cry and just feel miserable. i don't know what to do anymore. i mean, i know what i should do but don't have any desire to. how do i go about getting the desire back? i just want to run away from everything and everyone. but i wouldn't have anywhere to go and i would still have other problems anyway so what is the point.
Hey Harmony, sorry that this upset you and that it had to happen. I will just say that boundaries are helpful so that you can keep from internalizing your sister's feelings. She has a right to her feelings and they don't have to become your feelings. It isn't your job to make her happy either.
hi Sannah, thanks for your post. your right there has to be bounderies and i don't feel that they should even be discussed. your family and friends for that matter should automaticly know where to draw the line. anyway i haven't been thinking about it much lately and therefore am feeling better. i've been keeping myself busy doing other things. there are times that i feel that i should call her because i don't think that she will ever call me, and i hate that our friendship is going to stop here. if she would only call me then we could talk and end this. i've come to the conclusion that i'm not going to worry about it, i'm going to leave the ball in her court. please let me know what you think. there are times that i'm not sure if this is the course that i should take and would like to have someones input.
thanks Sannah for your thoughts on the matter, especially the part about what ann landers would say. i should have thought of it myself. i used to read it all the time although its been a long time now. i called my sister today and told her that i didn't want to end our friendship this way, i didn't want to live the rest of my life without speaking to her. she felt the same way and was really glad that i called. we're supposed to get together some time next week to dicuss this further so that something like this won't happen again. i feel so much better now that i have called her although now i'm nervous about meeting with her. i don't want another confrontation. i know that i'm going to get the shakes really bad just before talking to her and probably all the way through. i just get really nervous and stressed out.
i don't know if anyone ever feels this way but every time that i do something that is a bit stressful like calling my sister ( because i didn't know how she was going to react ) i get really shakey all over. my heart pounds so hard that i think that i'm going to have a heart attack. my hand feel really shakey although by looking at them they only shake a little. my voice also is shakey. this will last a least five to ten minutes before it goes away. does anyone else ever feel this way and if they do what does it mean?
even your nickname here says much about you, my friend. you don't like confrontations, you're sensitive, you hate petty disputes and disagreements. so you get a bit anxious when you need to deal with people who can "take" more of this sort of thing; maybe your sis is one of those people. i know my sister is. she can definitely take it and can defend herself tooth 'n nail so well that i've often told her to "hold up" and talk to me like i'm a normal person, not like i'm in some court of law or something.
don't you worry, harmony. your sis is most likely going to react better and nicer than you expect. she already was nice to you on the phone and said she wanted to patch things up between you guys! that's good, harmony! that's a good sign. so don't build it up in your head more than it is, because it will probably be something you can handle very well. after all you're sisters, for cryin' out loud! right?
much luck to you, but like i said, i don't even think you need it--but luck anyway..
Be kinder than necessary,
Because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle...
thanks alot you guys, what you said makes alot of sense but it sounds easier said then done. anyway it really doesn't matter because i'm just going to have to deal with it. i am not going to be enemies with my sister for life just because i'm a bit scared. i won't let that get the best of me, anyway i did make the first move, i suppose that says something for me. doesn't it? ok i'm just trying to butter myself up now. i'm sure i'll get through it, it'll just be nerve racking in the mean time.
i guess that i'm feeling a bit better about this today. not so depressed, thank god.
Harmony, oh do I know that feeling! I actually did a thread on the PTSD board here "Confrontation reaction, strong emotions with......" (or something like that). I actually figured this reaction out with myself with this thread. What I figured out for myself is that your past feelings are coming back when you are confronting someone or get in a situation that reminds you of a past situation. Whenever I would need to confront someone I would push ahead, shaking and everything and just do it. During and after I would be doing self talk, "calm down", "it's okay", "this situation doesn't really warrant this much reaction here". With this self talk I actually decreased this reaction everytime little by little until it disappeared.
What will also help you with your sister is putting up that boundary. Her feelings are hers and you should try to not let her feelings affect you so much.
I am so glad that you took Ann Lander's advice! Keep us posted.