Just wanted to share with someone - anyone. On Wednesday I had a breakthrough in understanding why I felt like I did about other people and the whole infertility issue (my husband and I are both infertile). I realised that when I went to people in the beginning and told them about it, I just wanted them to "mourn with those who mourn" and allow me to grieve - but instead, they would try to cheer me up, and tell me success stories to try and give me hope (nothing wrong with that in itself, but I wasn't at that stage yet), and tell me about all the wonderful treatments I could do, and how it was great that I was young ... rah rah rah.
They generally didn't recognise the loss and grief involved. And I ended up feeling like they thought I didn't have one reason to be sad about it. So over time, I stopped telling people, and then I felt emotionally disconnected and isolated from people - because they didn't understand where I was coming from, and what I was going through.
I have found it really liberating to realise that when I went to people in the beginning and told them about it, I was wanting them to allow me to grieve, and to grieve with me. And because they didn't allow me to grieve, this has led to internalised unresolved grief.
Anyway, has been good to understand this and start working through it. Therapy has been good - hard, but good.
Glad to hear you are getting the help you need to come to terms with your sense of loss. It is a loss of hopes and dreams and it is hard. You will get through this. God bless
Just wanted to share with someone - anyone. On Wednesday I had a breakthrough in understanding why I felt like I did about other people and the whole infertility issue (my husband and I are both infertile). I realised that when I went to people in the beginning and told them about it, I just wanted them to "mourn with those who mourn" and allow me to grieve - but instead, they would try to cheer me up, and tell me success stories to try and give me hope (nothing wrong with that in itself, but I wasn't at that stage yet), and tell me about all the wonderful treatments I could do, and how it was great that I was young ... rah rah rah.
They generally didn't recognise the loss and grief involved. And I ended up feeling like they thought I didn't have one reason to be sad about it. So over time, I stopped telling people, and then I felt emotionally disconnected and isolated from people - because they didn't understand where I was coming from, and what I was going through.
I have found it really liberating to realise that when I went to people in the beginning and told them about it, I was wanting them to allow me to grieve, and to grieve with me. And because they didn't allow me to grieve, this has led to internalised unresolved grief.
Anyway, has been good to understand this and start working through it. Therapy has been good - hard, but good.
It's a wonderful thing that you've recognized your situation and you're active with it!
Keep working through it.
Hey, there! I've "been there & done it". My husband & I went thru 5 1/2 yrs. of infertility. I have to say that the whole experience was very hard and it has changed me as a person. I started a support group for women & we are still friends today...years after our struggle! I think it's great that you are going to counseling--I did as well. Keep on with the good work. Look into a support group in your area---it is priceless! God Bless you & your husband! Kym.
