It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Depression Message Board
Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 06-03-2007, 02:46 AM   #1
Newbie
(male)
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 3
Vray29 HB User
Living in the past?

Not sure whether this is in the right section but i was wondering whether anyone else lives in constant regret of their past, whats happened in the past. I cant stop thinking about all the bad things that ive been through, instead of remembering the good things and how ive done things well i always find my self pondering about all the bad things or bad experiences?
I guess this leaves me feeling pretty low in general and not fantastically confident in life and the outlook.
Anyone any thoughts?

 
Old 06-03-2007, 02:56 AM   #2
Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Kent
Posts: 83
Toffee1 HB User
Re: Living in the past?

Hi Vray,

I can relate to that fully - I have been for a long time very down and hard on myself - beating myself up emotionally over the mistakes I have made, the bad choices I have made - always looking at the negatives cant see the positives and the good I have done - even down to the really small things. I look at myself as a bad person for this and judge myself by my very hard standards - different standards than for other people - I have the belief that I must be perfect.

You are probably not to the same extent as me but all I can see are past mishaps and can not as yet look to the future so much so that I am letting it spoil and ruin the present day - I am down, sad and depressed and not living for the moment and enjoying it.

I am now taking steps to have counselling to change this way of thinking and I have found exercises on the internet and in books that help me to change a negative into a positive and replace all these past memories with positive ones.

Warm wishes x x

 
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 06-03-2007, 03:32 AM   #3
Newbie
(male)
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 3
Vray29 HB User
Re: Living in the past?

Thanks Toffee for the reply good luck in your counselling, i can certainly relate to some of the things you have said, for me its like an esteem thing im just not thinking much of myself at the moment. Its definately mental and i must try to find a way to remember the good times, i hear music helps in that way. Certainly helps to know its not just me that thinks like this!

 
Old 06-03-2007, 12:19 PM   #4
Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Florida
Posts: 84
Trish17 HB User
Re: Living in the past?

Toffee and VRay,

I don't know what you're religious views are, but I have gone through the same. I lost my son to drugs and my daughter has a child out of wedlock. I blame their problems on my screwed up life as their mother. I was insecure as a young adult, and married a very hot tempered man. I withdrew from the world.

Looking back on things makes me very sad, because so many things could have been avoided if I had sought help. I now have to see it this way:

My son has been removed from the awful, depressing life he was in, and his death has led him to unbelievable joy with God. That gives me joy.

My granddaughter is a joy for me. Her birth filled a hole in our hearts. My daughter is going through struggles, but I see each day as one more she has survived. We hit such rock bottom, the only way to look was up.

I can't let the past hold me from being strong and helping my daughter and granddaughter through today. It's only through God that I have the strength to hold them. It was a topic we discussed at church this morning. When we dwell in our depressing pasts it takes any possible joy out of today. I can't express the relief it gives me to know I can lean on God, and feel the relief He gives.

I know it may sound silly or offensive to anyone who doesn't believe in God, but there is no other way for me to survive. When I get depressed, miss my son or worry about my daughter, I have to remember to ask God to give me the strength to step out of depression right now.

I took paxil for about 2 years, and I'm not denying that anti-depressants help tremendously. If anyone who reads this is on anti-depressants, I think it's a good thing that you sought help. But it takes God to help me still see some joy in life. A support group at my church opened my eyes to many other people's problems, and helped me deal with many of my own.

God and prayer are the best relief for me. I will say a prayer right now for both of you.

Trish

 
Old 06-03-2007, 08:56 PM   #5
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: New York
Posts: 1,464
Dakota_Skye HB User
Re: Living in the past?

hi trish,

as long as we're alive, we WILL have problems. maybe it's God's way of drawing us closer to Him, since nowadays religion is no longer part of the "mainstream" so to speak, and i completely understand you when you say that others would think or believe one is "weird" for speaking about God and for believing in Him.

i wasn't always a believer. but, my years of depression changed my view of the world and the universe, and of people. i found that in my deepest and darkest, and saddest moments, when there was no one by me, when loneliness pervaded my life, when i cried in the dark while rocking back and forth, thinking the blackness and heaviness in my chest would never go away--only God was there. i found that no matter how i was, what i said, what i did, what i didn't do, how i looked, He never judged me; there were no conditiones on His love for me. people can only take so much, and we can hold onto people and their help only to an extent. but we are all limited in what we can offer to others. i know that. people may try with all their hearts to help us, but they have their own problems and they may get frustrated after a while.... sometimes they grow tired of us and leave us, and we find ourselves all alone (again). well, God/the higher power/whatever you want to call it, never gets frustrated, or annoyed, or impatient. i found that He's always there when others aren't. i found that He is indeed my stronghold when the winds of life are just too strong for me to handle, and i'm not ashamed to say it.

but yes, most of the time i keep my view about God to myself, since others may not understand what i'm saying, or worse, they may think i'm really "crazy." it's really unfortunate. people choose to say that help must come from inside you, and if you believe in yourself, go to therapy, take your meds, you'll get better. what they don't understand, i'm afraid, is that God is just that. He is in the therapy, he is in the meds, he is in our deepest core; He is us. he is the force that brought us into existence. he is not some old man with a white beard sitting on a throne.

anyway, i'm glad to see someone post something different around here, at least once in a while. and i'm glad you're coping with your losses trish, and that you've found relief!!

blessing to you my dear!
__________________
Be kinder than necessary,
Because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle...

 
Old 06-04-2007, 12:37 AM   #6
Inactive
(female)
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Dover Tennessee
Posts: 610
emeraldeyes114 HB User
Re: Living in the past?

Normally I post mostly in the Bipolar board rather then here but once in a while I check in. I know for me mostly at night when everyone is asleep and I am alone here. I tend to let my thoughts stray to things better left alone. Night tends to be the depressed time for me and daytime is the manic flip of it. At night I notice things in darker way much easier and it has been this way for a long time. I do hold myself also in a different group then others and expect more out of them then I would someone else. I have tried various ways to bury the past and to heal the old wounds part of which is remembering I can't change those things only learn from them.

Faith can be a blessing and for many it is. To know that something out there believes in us when we don't, loves us even if it feels no one else ever could, and is willing to hear the good, the bad, and the ugly. When others might run in the other direction. To know that this pain I feel is leading me to somewhere and that in helping others in some way I at the same time help myself. They say so many things are important and I am sure that many of them are but wisdom and courage are at the top of my list. I have aged not gracefully per say but I have gained far better insight into humanity with being Bipolar that I might not have otherwise seen. To each curse there too is a blessing in some way that we don't always see or know.

Eme

 
Old 06-04-2007, 09:47 AM   #7
Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Kent
Posts: 83
Toffee1 HB User
Re: Living in the past?

Hi Trish,

I really envy people who believe and find such comfort in it. I, myself which I could believe I think in some ways I would be a lot more contented but unfortunately I dont but thank you for your prayers.

 
Old 06-04-2007, 10:22 AM   #8
Senior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: MI
Posts: 263
jujubeez725 HB User
Cool Re: Living in the past?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Vray29 View Post
Not sure whether this is in the right section but i was wondering whether anyone else lives in constant regret of their past, whats happened in the past. I cant stop thinking about all the bad things that ive been through, instead of remembering the good things and how ive done things well i always find my self pondering about all the bad things or bad experiences?
I guess this leaves me feeling pretty low in general and not fantastically confident in life and the outlook.
Anyone any thoughts?
GUILT is a monster.

What you've described here is guilt -- plain and simple.

For guilt, there is forgiveness.
ALL of us, at one time or another, have done something(s) we regret.
But you can't live in the guilt, b/c you can't live your life if you're swimming in a sea of regret -- you'll drown.

You have to learn to forgive YOURSELF so that you can live your best life now.
You also have to know that you hurt those you love b/c they have to watch you wallow in guilt and regret and there's nothing they can do.

If you don't do it for yourself, do it for those you love and that love you.
REMEMBER:

For guilt,
ForGIVE!

Last edited by jujubeez725; 06-04-2007 at 10:23 AM.

 
Closed Thread

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
Quarter life Crises--Cant figure out what job to do, 26 yrs old living with parents! Mr.G Depression 6 10-07-2008 12:03 AM
My sister moves back after 2 yrs living on her own patteecake Relationship Health 1 08-10-2008 05:06 PM
anxiety when living on your own allhonest Anxiety 6 03-05-2008 10:56 AM
I hate living with this anger, i dont no how to but i no i have to! tizzy76 Anger Management 35 02-16-2008 08:18 AM
living with fibro, from an old pro bluelakelady Fibromyalgia 60 08-17-2007 06:51 PM




Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Join Our Newsletter

Stay healthy through tips curated by our health experts.

Whoops,

There was a problem adding your email Try again

Thank You

Your email has been added








TOP THANKED CONTRIBUTORS



flamesabers (78), Phoenix (43), keenobserver (20), katlin09 (13), Diverdan8 (11), WhistleDixie (10), cuddles1 (9), neveragain444 (9), rosequartz (9), blessed824 (9)

Site Wide Totals

teteri66 (1164), MSJayhawk (997), Apollo123 (898), Titchou (832), janewhite1 (823), Gabriel (758), ladybud (745), sammy64 (666), midwest1 (665), BlueSkies14 (610)



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 09:25 PM.



Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.comô
Terms of Use © 1998-2014 HealthBoards.comô All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!