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Old 06-04-2007, 06:54 AM   #1
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Join Date: Feb 2006
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pucca_chick HB User
1 hour!!!!

i think im going to be sick. my app with the new GP is in 1 hour!!! im going to die. im sooo shaky, im going to vomit and my mind is everywhere. why is this happening to ME?!! i hate to be the stroppy' everyone is aginst me' teenager here but its how i feel. i feel myself getting angry at my old doc, i cant help feel if she just showed compassion i wouldnt be here, i wouldnt be feeling this way now. i feel more abandoned than EVER how can she pput me through this, she seen what a monumental mess i was the first time, jesus christ. its too much. im going but im scared ill lose my mind in there.what if they dont listen again, i cannot take it what if she isnt nice, what if she doesnt listen or isnt interested, what if i get put away, what if she tells my other GP, what if i have no one

I AM GOING MAD!!!

ill let you know how it goes later-i have work after so i dont know if ill have time to get on here before it.

xox
__________________
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i know
But theyre not yours, they
are my own
But theyre not yours,
they are my own
And i am never broken

 
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Old 06-04-2007, 08:43 AM   #2
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Join Date: Mar 2007
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ChaosAD HB User
Re: 1 hour!!!!

Good luck and I'm sure all will go well

Please let us know how you are afterwards.

 
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Old 06-04-2007, 10:21 AM   #3
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: MI
Posts: 263
jujubeez725 HB User
Re: 1 hour!!!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by pucca_chick View Post
i think im going to be sick. my app with the new GP is in 1 hour!!! im going to die. im sooo shaky, im going to vomit and my mind is everywhere. why is this happening to ME?!! i hate to be the stroppy' everyone is aginst me' teenager here but its how i feel. i feel myself getting angry at my old doc, i cant help feel if she just showed compassion i wouldnt be here, i wouldnt be feeling this way now. i feel more abandoned than EVER how can she pput me through this, she seen what a monumental mess i was the first time, jesus christ. its too much. im going but im scared ill lose my mind in there.what if they dont listen again, i cannot take it what if she isnt nice, what if she doesnt listen or isnt interested, what if i get put away, what if she tells my other GP, what if i have no one

I AM GOING MAD!!!

ill let you know how it goes later-i have work after so i dont know if ill have time to get on here before it.

xox

You won't lose your mind. You're not going to die due to this appt w/the new GP. You just feel that way right now; and feelings LIE!

Don't look at this in the negative -- see it in the positive.

This is a new doctor... a doctor is a person, right? People eat, sleep and go to the bathroom just like YOU do, right??
Now why is it that you're afraid, again??

You could make really good progress... think of it that way.
You could have a break-through.

You CAN be exactly what YOU want to be.
YOU can over-come this problem you have.
Your new appt. is a new beginning.

SEE IT THAT WAY.

 
Old 06-04-2007, 05:44 PM   #4
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Join Date: Feb 2006
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pucca_chick HB User
Re: 1 hour!!!!

hi. well i was in there for like 20 mins-god help the woman. she was nice, looked like 12, but was nice. well, i dont know if ive taken one step forward and two steps back-she is sending me back to my old GP on friday

i spilt it on the floor to her, began half crying like a loser. i explained, she said she would have me try another emdication, but recognised that counselling is essential. so, shes writing my GP her opinion and is going to talk to her. im scared, my old GP might be ripping it that i got this woman to tell her this-but i never made her do anything, thats impossible given my record of convincing people.

i found out what the psych said-emtionial disturnance. jesus chrst-puttin it mildly! im furious. i went through all that, being asked he same questions over and over, being poked and prodded by over bearing CPN's, to be told exactly what i already new. it doesnt take ****in freud to tell me my emotions are disturbed!!! i looked it up on the net, it says its a disorder, but im not sure, i wont go labelling myself until ive talked this over with a GP-i dont even know what this means really. and another thing, if thats what it is, part of it is an inability to judge consquences and control emotions, why did my GP not take note of this when she got so ****** about my letter-even after i went to peices and came grovelling-argh!!!!

part of me cannot wait to be back with a familiar face, but the other part feels itll be the same, she wont care and i cant take being knocked flat on my face again by her, unless theres a massive reward for going through it again, i need to get something out of it, im trying to move on yet this GP sends me back cos apparently she knows my history and me better. thats usless if she doesnt give a **** about me.

if my GP wont help again-im going back to that other one. why is there so much hassle, so much jumping back and forth, im stuck in reverse here.

so yea, that was it. im just glad i made it in, i was going to collapse on the way there, everything began to swirl and i felt so out of it, there was hot flashes and i was shaky uncontrollably. but hey i made it. well-can anyone explain what this 'emotional disturbance' means??

xox
__________________
My hands are small
i know
But theyre not yours, they
are my own
But theyre not yours,
they are my own
And i am never broken

 
Old 06-05-2007, 05:16 AM   #5
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Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: New York
Posts: 1,464
Dakota_Skye HB User
Re: 1 hour!!!!

hi pucca,

sorry that you're going back and forth like a yo-yo! at least you're trying your best!! and i applaud you for that. i'm glad you've actually gotten something from this dr. and at least now you have some idea of what's going on.

did she give you any meds?

about emotional disturbance, it's a really broad term, i believe. but i think some of the patterns you've been showing, even here on the web, point to it. for ex. these may include a short attention span or inability to concentrate; self-injury (this is your main thing, right?) and also fighting with others--i remember you fought with your brother, you couldn't contain your feelings (being impulsive); poor coping skills and then crying because you can't cope with life and daily things; lots of anxiety (you always said you felt anxious and you were trembling); and problems in learning/problems with school--i guess because of the short attention span and inability to concentrate/ impulsivity (this was another thing that you just could NOT manage for the life of you). there's also another symptom that you've been feeling and have been talking a lot about here, and that is part of this "emotinonal disturbance" thing, and that is a feeling of sadness and depression that never really goes away no matter what you do (and again, this is what you've been feeling for a long time now, right?).

so, your cry for help pucca was real. i'm sorry that it took so long for someone to hear you. but you know what? at least SOMEONE heard you now. AND there is help out there. there truly is!!!! it reminds me a bit of ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder) combined with depression, combined with a lack of skills on how to cope with everyday stressess.

and counselling is the BEST treatment for this!! didn't we tell you that Keira is the best thing to have happened to you??? she guided you along so well and you finally, finally found some light in that tunnel that you were wobbling about unable to see your way?? you should continue with her, cuz i think she could definitely get you to see the light even more, girl!!!
i also think (probably sannah may not agree with me-- ) that a tiny dose of a med. to stabilize your brain..to make you able to concentrate enough, so that you can get even MORE out of the sessions you attend would do wonders for you.!!!!

i think this is great news. AND, if the old GP doesn't take you back, forget it. go back to this one. this one seems much, much better from my point of view.

Good going, girl!!!!!!
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Old 06-05-2007, 06:37 AM   #6
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pucca_chick HB User
Re: 1 hour!!!!

hey dakota thanks-i needed that little bit of uplifting well hell yea-its too broad a term for my liking, i feel fobbed off, they dont have an answer so lets just give her 'emotionally distrubed'. god it sounds like im a psychopath or something.

i realise it makes sense, i really do, but i looked it up and to me its depression worded differently, with severe learning probelms-which would make sense as they suggested getting tested for ADD-but my GP was right about one thing maybe, that this is all connected. i just feel like im floating, and it pissess me off that i had to go chasing people to be told what was actually wrong, they were just going to let me hang here with no answer only i got on their backs. how can they get me to spill it out and then juust leave me in silence and confusion.i cannot belive i had to go to another GP who id only first met and she was able to tell me the outcome better than anyone. its all well and good they know whats wrong, i dont, they must be so pleased they think they figured something out

about the meds-i agree(sorry sannah), i couldnt do this without keira, and i believe she is 80% of why im here, the other part is pure instinct and logic to stay alive. but i just feel im watching therapy from afar, i cant focus on it, i cant get into it enough and i have NO energy to put into it what i need. im trying my best but when my physical body cannot take the stress anymore, no amount of talking can fix that-the resources just are not there for me to move forward really anymore, im burnt out. i beleive if i just had a small dose of something(the GP ryhmed off these big long words to me) i feel itd do wonders for my motivation. i just feel its worth a try, ive had a lot of crap so i feel im up to a little dose of meds you know, and if it doesnt work i know ive tried again.

this doc was very nice, seemed to be more in the habit of sitting back and letting me do the talking, my other one seemed bent on correcting everything to way i should be saying it-despite how i really feel. but i cannot deny she was a godsend to me with the state i was in, one thing ill give her is if she hadnt have begun as a caring person i wouldnt have kept this up, she did help me to open up and get used to making steps like going to assessments and handling these things.

i miss my old doc, a familiar face just and when im down being able to write to her. on friday i want nothing more than for her to realise or be brought back to earth by this docs opinion, i feel she cant see the wood for the trees right now

but if not, as keira says, i have a bit of hope-this other doc. im prepared to work with her if need be. but theres something about her manner that makes me not feel the need to attatch myself to her, she isnt as talkative but listens, my other doc seemed very 'sociable' or something, always asking questions, which is good to, but i get attatched then also. maybe if my old doc isnt up to it, this new one is the right balance for me to work with and have a good boundary.

thanks for your help-sannah-what do you think??

xox
__________________
My hands are small
i know
But theyre not yours, they
are my own
But theyre not yours,
they are my own
And i am never broken

 
Old 06-05-2007, 06:48 AM   #7
Senior Veteran
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 6,178
Sannah HB UserSannah HB User
Re: 1 hour!!!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by pucca_chick View Post
i spilt it on the floor to her, began half crying like a loser.
Kerry, you did it! Because you cried you are not a loser! You should have seen me everytime that I went back to counseling. I always cried the whole session, releasing all the pain and I NEVER thought I was a loser!

I agree with Dakota, emotional disturbance is a general term. To me it means that you do not have control over your emotions and that they distress you greatly. With Kiera you can learn to understand your emotions, get them under control so that you are no longer distressed.

 
Old 06-06-2007, 06:38 AM   #8
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Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: New York
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Dakota_Skye HB User
Re: 1 hour!!!!

hey pucca,

like sannah said, i also had sessions in therapy where i spent the entire time crying, i mean really crying my eyes out....sometimes because i realized something, sometimes because i just felt bad, and sometimes just because of the tremendous sadness and emptiness i felt.

crying in NO WAY makes you a loser!!! i believe crying is actually good for you!!!!!

it's ok, pucca!! you'll do just fine. go along with your feelings, girl!!!
__________________
Be kinder than necessary,
Because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle...

 
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