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Old 06-06-2007, 08:02 AM   #1
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Just a little catch up

It has been a little while since I have posted with how I am doing, so I figured I would. Plus, it lets me kind of look myself at what has transpired.

As far as work is concerned, that is a lot better, especially compared to months ago. For the most part I don't feel the anxiety and such of working with the ex. We avoid each other completely most times. She seems to have some kind of anger or something in her towards me. I can just sense it. While she is not on my top 10 I don't think I normally feel the anger towards her. It is more of a 'what the hell' as far as how things ended up the way they are. That is a vast improvement from the 'what can i do to get her back' mind set I had for while. I still hate having to go to meetings with her in it, but that like other stuff has gotten better and I imagine will keep getting better till it doesn't even matter. I've also cut back on letting her into any decision I make at work such as when I come and go, where I go and what i do etc. Basically I try and just take stuff as it comes and do what I need to do no matter what.

As for the ex, not a lot to report. I have been having dreams with her in them lately. Nothing really bad, just weird that I would be dreaming about her. In most it is me asking her what the deal is and how things ended up the way they are. In 1 I remember her wanting to get back together but i don't remember why or what happened. Then the rest I just remember her in them, but nothing of what they are about. The dreams worry me a little cause it makes me wonder why she is in my mind. Other then that though I don't get that real sad feeling when I see her most of the time. It is usually just the oh it is her in my head. Every now and then when I see her with other guys and such I feel a little hurt but it is more of a thought in my head and not a controlling feeling. I let it come, rationalize it, then try and let it just flow back out. I used to think those feelings were bad and to never have them, but my therapist said they are fine as long as we don't let them control use and ruminate. So that is what I try and do. So overall I think I'm doing better, it just seems the healing process takes long when you have the see the person everyday.

In my personal life, I'm more comfortable with being alone. I went through a short lived phase where I wanted to date someone, anyone. I went out on dates and such but never clicked. I just don't think I was and may not be now ready to just back in the game and trust someone else. I spend a lot of time at home, cause well I still don't know a lot of ppl around here and to be honest the night life and such here can be kind of boring heh. At least I'm more comfortable with being alone. I go thru periods where i get depressed and down about it, but at least I'm not all anxious pacing around, worrying, and ruminating.

The therapist went well last nt. She said she thinks I have made good strides and am moving in a positive direction. She said she sees a big different in my mannerism and how I speak about the ex. She gave me some more stuff to look into and read on my free time. I love stuff like that. I'm just a very learning oriented person heh

My main things I'm trying to focus on now are my social anxiety, my obsessiveness, and my boundaries. All these are big issues with me, but I think with some work and time it shall improve. I'm going to read up on stuff, read these forums, talk with therapist and just be more self aware. My first goal is try and get out there and make some new friends, which for me can be hard. I'm so used to just having my network of friends and meeting new ppl through them as well as girls. Now I'm basically starting over and have no real network here to go off of. So it is all a new experience for me. I also like the non normal girls, so that cuts the crop down a little. I like ppl that aren't cookie cutter and are different. There is too many 'normal' people out there. I want someone that makes themselves stand out as something different heh.

For the future I have some nice things planned. This weekend I'm taking Fri and Mon off and am going camping. Then 2 weeks later I'm taking that Fri and Mon off again and traveling to Fla to visit friends and go with a friend of mine to her HS reunion. So that should be good times on both accounts. It will be good to go out and do something for once. I just hope being back in Fla doesn't make me homesick for it heh. Other then that no real plans. I usually take the days as they come and not plan a whole lot. So those 2 weekends make this a busy month for me

Last edited by ChaosAD; 06-06-2007 at 08:06 AM.

 
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Old 06-06-2007, 08:32 AM   #2
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Wink Re: Just a little catch up

Quote:
Originally Posted by ChaosAD View Post
It has been a little while since I have posted with how I am doing, so I figured I would. Plus, it lets me kind of look myself at what has transpired.

As far as work is concerned, that is a lot better, especially compared to months ago. For the most part I don't feel the anxiety and such of working with the ex. We avoid each other completely most times. She seems to have some kind of anger or something in her towards me. I can just sense it. While she is not on my top 10 I don't think I normally feel the anger towards her. It is more of a 'what the hell' as far as how things ended up the way they are. That is a vast improvement from the 'what can i do to get her back' mind set I had for while. I still hate having to go to meetings with her in it, but that like other stuff has gotten better and I imagine will keep getting better till it doesn't even matter. I've also cut back on letting her into any decision I make at work such as when I come and go, where I go and what i do etc. Basically I try and just take stuff as it comes and do what I need to do no matter what.

As for the ex, not a lot to report. I have been having dreams with her in them lately. Nothing really bad, just weird that I would be dreaming about her. In most it is me asking her what the deal is and how things ended up the way they are. In 1 I remember her wanting to get back together but i don't remember why or what happened. Then the rest I just remember her in them, but nothing of what they are about. The dreams worry me a little cause it makes me wonder why she is in my mind. Other then that though I don't get that real sad feeling when I see her most of the time. It is usually just the oh it is her in my head. Every now and then when I see her with other guys and such I feel a little hurt but it is more of a thought in my head and not a controlling feeling. I let it come, rationalize it, then try and let it just flow back out. I used to think those feelings were bad and to never have them, but my therapist said they are fine as long as we don't let them control use and ruminate. So that is what I try and do. So overall I think I'm doing better, it just seems the healing process takes long when you have the see the person everyday.

In my personal life, I'm more comfortable with being alone. I went through a short lived phase where I wanted to date someone, anyone. I went out on dates and such but never clicked. I just don't think I was and may not be now ready to just back in the game and trust someone else. I spend a lot of time at home, cause well I still don't know a lot of ppl around here and to be honest the night life and such here can be kind of boring heh. At least I'm more comfortable with being alone. I go thru periods where i get depressed and down about it, but at least I'm not all anxious pacing around, worrying, and ruminating.

The therapist went well last nt. She said she thinks I have made good strides and am moving in a positive direction. She said she sees a big different in my mannerism and how I speak about the ex. She gave me some more stuff to look into and read on my free time. I love stuff like that. I'm just a very learning oriented person heh

My main things I'm trying to focus on now are my social anxiety, my obsessiveness, and my boundaries. All these are big issues with me, but I think with some work and time it shall improve. I'm going to read up on stuff, read these forums, talk with therapist and just be more self aware. My first goal is try and get out there and make some new friends, which for me can be hard. I'm so used to just having my network of friends and meeting new ppl through them as well as girls. Now I'm basically starting over and have no real network here to go off of. So it is all a new experience for me. I also like the non normal girls, so that cuts the crop down a little. I like ppl that aren't cookie cutter and are different. There is too many 'normal' people out there. I want someone that makes themselves stand out as something different heh.

For the future I have some nice things planned. This weekend I'm taking Fri and Mon off and am going camping. Then 2 weeks later I'm taking that Fri and Mon off again and traveling to Fla to visit friends and go with a friend of mine to her HS reunion. So that should be good times on both accounts. It will be good to go out and do something for once. I just hope being back in Fla doesn't make me homesick for it heh. Other then that no real plans. I usually take the days as they come and not plan a whole lot. So those 2 weekends make this a busy month for me

Hey K.os!

From the time I 1st started posting to now, you seem to have come from a mighty long way. You're writings are totally different. What progress!!

You sense the "anger" in her b/c she wants you to be begging for her back! In her eyes, you're not supposed to act like you don't care about her anymore! You're supposed to come to work in tears, clothes dirty, stinky and moth-eaten; you're supposed to have a 5 o'clock shadow and look dishelved!

She believes you're not supposed to be over her--she probably thinks you've got another girl! LOL

I'm going to start counting down to when she'll come up to you and start trying to get back with you. She's going to do it--stay away from the old Barracuda (she's got cooties) j/k !

The dreams are just merely you, in your own mind, trying to find out why she did what she did to you. You just want to know why... but it's NOT your fault. It seems to me like she's sorry now--that's why you're feeling her "anger". A lot of women are strange that way, K.os: they do YOU wrong, then get mad at YOU when THEY see that you don't care about the matter anymore.
She's tried to make you jealous by making sure you see her w/other men. Stay positive and keep going forward with what you've been doing.

Last edited by jujubeez725; 06-06-2007 at 08:34 AM.

 
Old 06-06-2007, 08:46 AM   #3
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Re: Just a little catch up

Thanks Juju. Can't honestly say I think she has any thoughts of wanting me back heh. Then again girls can be a strange breed Either way I don't really care anymore. I went through trying to make every perfect for her, she then dumped on me. This repeated till I just got tired and laid in on the line and that is when we had the explosion. Since then I've been working on myself. So to be honest I haven't even really thought anything that has to do with getting back with her. I've already learned that lesson in past with an ex heh. That time just got dragged into 6 months of ups and downs on both of our parts. Now we look back on it and laugh, but back then it sucked.

As for her hanging out with all the new ppl and such, I guess it could be that. Sort of showing me look I got new friends/special friends. At first it bothered me, but now I find myself just thinking how odd it is and in one case how bad it looks to me for her cause one of the guys is married. All I know is if my SO acted the way he does around her, even if it was 'innocent' I would be more then annoyed. Oh well, it her thing lol.

I find I go through periods anymore. I'll go hrs or days of feeling really good then slip back into a sort of sad/depressed state for a little bit then repeat. Nothing that debilitates me though. I look at it as a improvement over the time when if I felt even ok for 1 min I thought it was a victory. Plus, the anxious is gone for most part. I think that was worse then the sadness cause it was usually very sudden and very hard hitting. It made me sick and made every minute seem like weeks.

I owe a lot to these boards and especially Sannah. They showed me that I'm not the only one to ever deal with stuff. She also would step in and let me know when I would be ruminating or obsessing. I need that little slap back into reality. Hell I still need that from time to time heh. the best thing though is that I'm able to just talk and get stuff off my mind. That helps more then ppl imagine.

 
Old 06-06-2007, 09:37 AM   #4
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Re: Just a little catch up

Quote:
Originally Posted by ChaosAD View Post
Thanks Juju. Can't honestly say I think she has any thoughts of wanting me back heh. Then again girls can be a strange breed Either way I don't really care anymore. I went through trying to make every perfect for her, she then dumped on me. This repeated till I just got tired and laid in on the line and that is when we had the explosion. Since then I've been working on myself. So to be honest I haven't even really thought anything that has to do with getting back with her. I've already learned that lesson in past with an ex heh. That time just got dragged into 6 months of ups and downs on both of our parts. Now we look back on it and laugh, but back then it sucked.

As for her hanging out with all the new ppl and such, I guess it could be that. Sort of showing me look I got new friends/special friends. At first it bothered me, but now I find myself just thinking how odd it is and in one case how bad it looks to me for her cause one of the guys is married. All I know is if my SO acted the way he does around her, even if it was 'innocent' I would be more then annoyed. Oh well, it her thing lol.

I find I go through periods anymore. I'll go hrs or days of feeling really good then slip back into a sort of sad/depressed state for a little bit then repeat. Nothing that debilitates me though. I look at it as a improvement over the time when if I felt even ok for 1 min I thought it was a victory. Plus, the anxious is gone for most part. I think that was worse then the sadness cause it was usually very sudden and very hard hitting. It made me sick and made every minute seem like weeks.

I owe a lot to these boards and especially Sannah. They showed me that I'm not the only one to ever deal with stuff. She also would step in and let me know when I would be ruminating or obsessing. I need that little slap back into reality. Hell I still need that from time to time heh. the best thing though is that I'm able to just talk and get stuff off my mind. That helps more then ppl imagine.
Then again girls can be a strange breed

Some certainly can be That girl needs to be on somebody's couch, getting
some therapy herself! Running around w/the hare and the hound at the job... I don't get that at all!

I'm glad you've gotten through the worst of it.

I'm sayin, Sannah is a doctor--I think she's pretty modest about it, though
(where are you, Sannah?) j/k
It's good to be able to get these thing out of your system... and have other that can chime in w/good, sound advice--such as Dr. Sannah! LOL

 
Old 06-06-2007, 11:03 AM   #5
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Re: Just a little catch up

Hey K.os ~ It's amazing what time can do, eh? I mean... With time, you've been able to let go of a lot related to your ex. I think that's great. And I can TELL you have in the short time I've "known" you here.

And yes, I agree... Having to see your ex daily makes it tougher to let go. I mean, you're constantly reminded. That you've been able to come as far as you have already says a lot. You're doing really well.

I hear ya on the boards helping a lot. This is a great place to unload... You meet people with the same stuff going on, etc. So keep sharing... You're helping us out by doing it too.

(((((hugs))))) ~ Sly
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Old 06-06-2007, 12:48 PM   #6
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Re: Just a little catch up

Chaos, you have made sssoooo much improvement. You will be able to go anywhere with your mind that you want to take it (and remember we both have our thinking in Capricorn!). Thanks for acknowledging my help! It was my pleasure to listen and share what I have learned so that someone else can make sense of their head too.

JuJu, Dr. Sannah is too funny!

 
Old 06-07-2007, 06:05 AM   #7
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Re: Just a little catch up

Ok, now I'm starting to wonder. Yet again I had another dream about the ex. Don't remember much of it but I remember at the end we got back together. This is like the 5th or 6th straight nt that I have had a dream of some sort with her in it. What could this mean? It worries me a little cause it makes me think she is more on my mind then I think. Cause aren't dreams your subconscious and a lot of times will reflect what you truly think?

I can't say I think about getting back with her or anything. So I'm not sure where this is coming from, but it does worry me. I don't want to get stuck in a rut or anything and get the focus back on her. Maybe this weekend is just what I need, to get away for a few days, especially from the office.

 
Old 06-07-2007, 06:49 AM   #8
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Re: Just a little catch up

While she is not on my top 10 I don't think I normally feel the anger towards her. It is more of a 'what the hell' as far as how things ended up the way they are. That is a vast improvement from the 'what can i do to get her back' mind set I had for while.

In my personal life, I'm more comfortable with being alone. I just don't think I was and may not be now ready to just back in the game and trust someone else. At least I'm more comfortable with being alone. I go thru periods where i get depressed and down about it, but at least I'm not all anxious pacing around, worrying, and ruminating.

The therapist went well last nt. She said she thinks I have made good strides and am moving in a positive direction. She said she sees a big different in my mannerism and how I speak about the ex. She gave me some more stuff to look into and read on my free time. I love stuff like that. I'm just a very learning oriented person heh

hi chaos,

what you've written up there IS definitely a HUGE improvement from when you first came to the board. you're doing it, and you're doing it right!!! you've got a lot of support from the board (and like you mentioned from sannah, who worked with you the most, and from your therapist). if we on here see an improvement too, then it is for real.

the dreams are still there bec.--well, because you're still alone, and you're still in search of people to spend time with--you're a very social person from what i gathered. and, i know this saying is as old as the hills, but it is so true...time does truly make things better. you've realized that you don't need to let someone make you feel like crap. for what? YOU take control of yourself; you've realized that it's not up to anyone to make us happy. oh, how true that is, chaos.

all in all, you are doing extremely well, and in such a short period of time too. keep up with your therapy appts. and keep on talking on here, and you can make even more 'strides.'

you go, boy!!!
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Last edited by Dakota_Skye; 06-07-2007 at 06:51 AM.

 
Old 06-07-2007, 07:13 AM   #9
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Re: Just a little catch up

Thanks Dakota_Skye. I'm just worried she is creeping back in my mind, but I guess I can't expect to have it all go away like a switch. Our run in a while back probably kicked the 'getting over her' into high gear, but it didn't completely make it go away. Like anyone else I guess I just wish I could wake up one day and have it all go away. I need to focus on the fact like you and others have said that I have improved vast amounts and continue too. Things like the dreams and even missing her are going to happen. It isn't a bad sign, just a natural thing.

It's weird, I am a very sociable person, yet on the same hand aren't. If I'm in the situation I can be great, it is getting into those situations I suck at. I'm bad on my own finding people and things to do. I'm like that funny friend ppl bring to parties and such. Once there I can be the life of the party, it is just going that is the hard part. Sometimes I'll having something I can do and my mind will think of excuses why I shouldn't. So it is a ongoing battle. I would say it is a social anxiety based on my bad self esteem. I worry too much what others think and of course thinking bad about myself doesn't help it.

I'm so looking forward to this weekend though. The office is going to some lunch today, but I'm going to skip it so i can leave early and get home. I really need to clean and get some laundry done so that way when i return I won't have to do anything. I hate returning to chores and a dirty house heh.

 
Old 06-07-2007, 08:32 AM   #10
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Re: Just a little catch up

Chaos, your ex could just represent something for you in your dreams.

 
Old 06-07-2007, 08:39 AM   #11
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Re: Just a little catch up

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sannah View Post
Chaos, you have made sssoooo much improvement. You will be able to go anywhere with your mind that you want to take it (and remember we both have our thinking in Capricorn!). Thanks for acknowledging my help! It was my pleasure to listen and share what I have learned so that someone else can make sense of their head too.

JuJu, Dr. Sannah is too funny!

Dr. Sannah is too funny!

That's b/c you know I'm right!
See, THE DOCTOR IS IN!!!!!

 
Old 06-07-2007, 08:41 AM   #12
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Re: Just a little catch up

Ya, I'm leaning towards she represents my lonely feeling. I'm feeling like I'm getting old and want kids and marriage and all that good stuff and time is ticking. So I'm guessing that since she was the last relationship, she is the one that appears in the dreams. It's weird, I don't have a attraction to her really anymore, but she can still get to me once and a while and I still feel hurt occasionally. Even her voice just makes me cringe. The dreams just kind of freak me out cause she is in them and she is the last person I want to think about now-a-days.

The whole office here went to lunch and I'm sure me not going will be looked at as because she is there. When in reality I am here working because I am taking a 4 day weekend this weekend and again at the end of the month. So that is a lot of time off work and I want to be able to show that I get my work done. Plus, they don't know about the 4 day weekend at end of the month, was planning on laying that on them when I return after this weekend. I just now noticed though my boss will be out that Monday. So I'm sure there will be a stink about the 2 of us gone.

 
Old 06-07-2007, 08:47 AM   #13
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Re: Just a little catch up

Quote:
Originally Posted by ChaosAD View Post
Ya, I'm leaning towards she represents my lonely feeling. I'm feeling like I'm getting old and want kids and marriage and all that good stuff and time is ticking. So I'm guessing that since she was the last relationship, she is the one that appears in the dreams. It's weird, I don't have a attraction to her really anymore, but she can still get to me once and a while and I still feel hurt occasionally. Even her voice just makes me cringe. The dreams just kind of freak me out cause she is in them and she is the last person I want to think about now-a-days.

The whole office here went to lunch and I'm sure me not going will be looked at as because she is there. When in reality I am here working because I am taking a 4 day weekend this weekend and again at the end of the month. So that is a lot of time off work and I want to be able to show that I get my work done. Plus, they don't know about the 4 day weekend at end of the month, was planning on laying that on them when I return after this weekend. I just now noticed though my boss will be out that Monday. So I'm sure there will be a stink about the 2 of us gone.
Hi K.os

Now how old are you? If you're, like, 85 I can see you talking about you're "getting old and want kids and marriage".

You're still young; marriage and kids are within reach!

It's not over.
I wouldn't bank on the dreams w/Miss-Cooties-are-Catchin'.
Don't worry about that. You'll meet the Mrs. soon enough and when you 2 are ready for marriage and kids, that's what you'll do.

I wouldn't worry or concern myself at all about people thinking you're not at lunch w/the rest of them b/c of Cootiegirl. So what?!

You hold on to your 4-day weekend. You know why you're there!
You can just enjoy those days off you have coming and don't worry about the rest.

 
Old 06-07-2007, 09:02 AM   #14
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Re: Just a little catch up

Hehe, I'm only 30. Yes I know it is young, but to me it feels old. Especially when at 20 I thought I would at least be married by 30 if not having a kid. I would always say 'but when I am 30'. Here I am at thirty and it hasn't happened. The feeling is probably strengthened by the fact I just went thru a break up.

Calling her Cootiegirl....that is awesome. I will try and remember that when she gets to me and it will make me laugh

As for what ppl here @work think, ironically I was just thinking about that a few moments ago. I was worried that I would be looked at as the poor kid that got dumped and then who knows what else she says about me. Then I started thinking, what does it really matter. I only hang out with 1 person from here so their opinions shouldn't matter to me. All that matters is how I feel. It is a hard thing to get used to especially since I always used to let ppl get to me and worried about what they thought. I'm trying though heh

 
Old 06-07-2007, 09:22 AM   #15
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Re: Just a little catch up

See, now you're learning!

It doesn't matter how you THINK they might view you; just keep being you and doing what you do.

LOL --- it's better to laugh and shake somethings off than to have a "relapse" on your progress!

So when you need that laugh ... whip out that Cootiegirl card. It's worth a chuckle or two.

 
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