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Old 06-11-2007, 06:09 PM   #1
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Dakota.........how are you?

Hey Dakota,
Hope you are well.....I know you still have alot going on...as I responded to you on your "question" post.....hope all is well girlfriend!!!
Well, things are for me "back to reality"........back to work today after two weeks being off. It is my grandmothers birthday today, alot of usual tension in the family and the mood is slowly getting back to "dismal".
Two of my friends loved ones passed away while I was on vacation...nice news to return to....how sad. Man....you can run from "life" but you can never escape eh?
So how are things with you? Hope things are going to work out with your insurance company.
Hope to hear from you,
Carsam

 
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Old 06-12-2007, 05:56 AM   #2
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Re: Dakota.........how are you?

hi C,

oh C, sorry girl!! hope you weren't so close with those pple--bless them!!! but it's always sad to hear things like that, even if the pple were sick or old.

on a brighter note, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOUR GRANDMA!!!! although the family mood may get you down, remember they're over there, and you're over here. how's your mom holding up???

sometimes when i come back from a vacation, in a week or two i feel like it never really even happened, you know? but, i know it did, bec. i still have the memories and the pictures, and i'm glad. but yup, the "grind" will quickly make reailty sink in--all too quickly. i found out that the easier i take it, the better i feel, and that good feeling of being away stays with me a while longer. i hope it does with you too!!--since even from your posts, and even if you're back to work, you seem much, much better than you were before; thank the Lord for that!

about me--not many changes around here. the same things with my family. my mom has become truly obsessed with my father's care. i don't know what to do anymore. my sister feels the same. we're not even talking about our probs with her anymore (like we really ever did!!!!), since we don't want to add to her baggage, you know?!! so, yeah, we go (at least i do) day by day, by day, and by the end of the week i feel soooo tired that i'm draggin' by behind around like there's no tomorrow. i put so much energy on fridays (when i have to stay in late) and esp. on saturdays.... and the weekends last so little. i have no energy for anything on sunday, my first day off. i feel like after a while, i always need to take a nap in the afternoon. by monday i feel better and then i'm able to take care of things around the apt., grocery shopping, some cleaning around, some laundry maybe, but not really everything i need.... i figure what the heck--things can always wait, you know?!!! they ain't going anywhere. my sis had the idea of planning a trip overseas, back to europe, back to "ze old country," sometime in late sept.-early oct. we've been looking at tickets and the cheapest are about $770, and we think THAT'S a deal...but we want to visit places we havent' been to before, and we gotta take that into account-lodging and food and more travel...anyway, it;s all in the planning process....

by the way, when i told her about craig and the ring, she was actually ok and sorta happy, and told me that i should go for it. that he;s a good man, and that i should hold on to him. so, that was good.

things with craig are good, thank God. i was pretty irritable for the past two, three days, bec. i was pms-ing a lot, and i had a horrible headache on sunday, ALL DAY that no matter what i took, it did not make it go away. but yesterday lo and behold, --what a relief!!! if you know what i mean. so now the hormones are at peace and they stopped moaning....

have a stupid useless mtg this morning at work, around 10...always mtgs. mtgs. mtgs...unproductive crap that doesn't get anybody anywhere... but gotta go through the motions... i really hope i don't have to participate this time, cuz i ain't got nothing to say.

got my new oxford crap card in the mail yesterday, and tried to log onto their website, and got p--d off cuz they wouldn't let me, saying i did not match the criteria in their system and that i should call tech support... maybe i'm too new or something. wanted to check out the mental health offer/plan/whatever you call it. anyway....

my dad is the same. he's been having a light fever for the past two weeks. mother's been more irritatable than usual and has been staying at the nursing home later these days. no wonder she had palpitations!!! you know, they dont' take a patient to hospital unless they get to 101 or more--fever that is. his prob is the perennial hole in his stomach from the tube..now stuff is coming out of there, from around the tube, and it seems like it's infected. lord have mercy, i don't know how the man stands it. i just don't want to even think about it anymore, not only bec it saddens me, but bec. i can't do anything about it.

so, now, i should go shower, and get my b--t to work.

tell me about you!!
hugs and love
D
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Old 06-12-2007, 11:50 AM   #3
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Re: Dakota.........how are you?

hey D,
how goes today? You were a busy little poster this morning girl!!!!
I am doing okay today......got alot of family drama going on and like you say I am trying to "block it out".....I think I've gotten pretty good at it and I feel much better in a sense. Because I finally realized that I was spending so much effort worrying about people who are not spending one second of their day thinking about "me". So why would I do that to myself? It's really helped. Unfortunately though something has come up now that is pretty intense....I cant even write about it, because although this board is anonymous, I'm so afraid, that you never know, someone over there could read what I write. Damn, I wish they'd let us do some private emails!!!

Anyways, you know D, all that "circumstancial negativity" we always talk about, I really believe in that now. When I was away for that week, away from my "environment", away from family, work.....I felt so relaxed and I had a chance to "feel" the way I should. That short week was very enlightening for me!!! I really think I reconnected with my husband and I know "N" loved having mommy around more than usual. So in saying that, I know that if I did distance myself from all of this, whether I do it physically or emotionally, I could be a lot better off and happier in this life. I can hear Sannah saying "Hallelujah" if she reads this because this is her "boundary" thing I think. So I'm really trying to just focus on what makes "me" happy, because in turn, when "I" am happy, so are my son and husband......you know?

Work really sucks right now....I have the same problems as you.....working for lazy people who dont have a clue what they're doing and get paid twice as much as I do. I have been in this company D for 20 years now....since I was 17 years old. Gone through several different departments, and I find after all these years I'm going through a different boss every year....people who come in here and have been here for 5 minutes and are giving ME performance evaluations...yeah, that makes sense. So tired of doing "grunt work". And also tired of being given stuff to do because they are too "lazy" to do it....and anytime something is "difficult" it is given to me to figure out because I know all the systems as I've been here so bloody long. Sigh.....need to win that lottery man!!!!!!

I'm soooo glad things are going well with Craig. This is big for you D, and I think moving forward in this part of your life, will be great for you. Not that I am the perfect poster child for how having your own "family" changes all your priorities, but it does. You will be a wonderful wife, Craig is a lucky guy!!! And I hope with all my heart, one day you will be a "momma to be".....If ever I see a post from you saying this - I dont care how anonymous this board is, you'll hear me shouting across that damn Canada/U.S Border!!!!!

What can I say about your parents? D, it is just like the situation with mine. Different actual "issues", but nonetheless, something that can really get you down. I'm trying to focus on what's "good" in my life and what I have, rather than what I'm "missing". Life is so short.....I know some of it really sucks, but I want to treasure the good parts of it when I can. So D, I know it's hard, but try to keep things in perspective. What's happening in your relationship is "good news"....no matter what else in life is going on. Your mom is going to handle her life the way she needs to, in order to get through things. That's what I tell myself now. I'm not going to fret about my mom anymore because she's an adult and she makes her choices. As long as I know I offer her support, give her space when she asks, and that I am there when she needs me, I am not taking on all these worries of hers. Because she allows herself to be consumed by everyone else's problems. I do that too, but I wont anymore, especially not by people who dont give a rats *** about mine. Your mom has alot on her plate.....at the end of the day, I think you've made alot of progress in your relationship with her. And as much as I know you, I'm sure she knows you are there for her and that you love both of them. So, just let her be....she will continue to look after your dad as long as he needs her. And D, honestly, when one day you've been with Craig and raised a family with him (and I say the same for myself)....if we're in the same position one day long in the future......we will probably handle things our own way as well, I know I would.

Anyways girl....I better go as I'm at work (not feeling too productive today workwise).....so I will check in later.....

Hugs to you!!!

Carsam

 
Old 06-12-2007, 07:29 PM   #4
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Re: Dakota.........how are you?

hey C,

i like what you said here: I think I've gotten pretty good at it and I feel much better in a sense. Because I finally realized that I was spending so much effort worrying about people who are not spending one second of their day thinking about "me". So why would I do that to myself? It's really helped -- because for once you're feeling a bit better. now, I'M seeing an improvement in YOU... not only you seeing some in me. and i think it's awesome!!!!

you know D, all that "circumstancial negativity" we always talk about, I really believe in that now. When I was away for that week, away from my "environment", away from family, work.....I felt so relaxed and I had a chance to "feel" the way I should. That short week was very enlightening for me!!! I really think I reconnected with my husband and I know "N" loved having mommy around more than usual

What can I say about your parents? D, it is just like the situation with mine. Different actual "issues", but nonetheless, something that can really get you down. I'm trying to focus on what's "good" in my life and what I have, rather than what I'm "missing".

i've always known about our circumstances being huge influences on our wellbeing--mental and physical. i think they're THE biggest stressors in our lives. if it weren't for so much "negativity" around us, we'd be much better, especially in re. to our mental health, you know? at least i would... but in a way you would too, cuz i know you suffer too whenever s.thing doesn't go rigth with your family, even extended family. and i know about the jobs too. how unfair they can be. how "little" pple act like such "big" pple and you feel like rolling up your eyes at the idiocy of it all....

but i really must say that you sound a million times better than before you left for that vacation, girl!! i know i said it before, but i gotta say it again. something's rubbed off on you...maybe off of those mountains or s.thing? i hope it's going to last, whatever it is!!!

thank you sooo much for being happy for me and craig. you made me laugh out loud (LOL) when you wrote, I dont care how anonymous this board is, you'll hear me shouting across that damn Canada/U.S Border!!!!!

about my parents, C. well, that's a bit difficult to let aside for the moment, b/c my father really isn't doing very well. today my mother told me that the specialist was there to look at the tube, and the hole around it has gotten larger, and it's been leaking puss or something. the gastroenterologist (i think that's what he is), said that my dad had a sort of an abcess inside his belly, where the tube was, but it appears to have "broken" a few days ago, although it was still leaking some blood and stuff (I"M sorry to gross you out). he also told my mom that she should be very careful with taking care of the tube b/c my father would not be able to stand another endoscopy or putting in another tube again!!! he actually said he may not make it this time, because he's taking so little nutrition as it is (just enough for respiratory and metabolic purposes, like i said before), and he's very weak. so he put him on antibiotics again, for ten days. when mother gave my dad the phone to speak with me a bit this evening, i could barely hear him, but he did say 'i love you." i feel like hell you know?!! i know i should be happy b/c of the relationship, and i am and i'm trying to be, and i'm trying to look for positives as much as i can, but C, i'm really, really begining to think that now, since it's going on 8 years for my dad.... i don't even want to think anymore. at least not right now. and i'm pretty ok with my mother these days, C. we haven't had anything major going on..or anything at all for that matter.

anyway, i don't want to go on and on with this, bec. i don't like it too much. so i'm going to stop here for now.

but honestly, i truly am glad for you. it makes such a difference knowing that change is possible, and that you've done it!!! doesn't it? i knew you could do it!!! and i think sannah knew it too. and you better think about a sib for little N, and soon too!
hugs and love!!
D
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Old 06-12-2007, 07:57 PM   #5
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Re: Dakota.........how are you?

hey chickie...
we are online at the same time.....
yeah, I am doing better at the "big picture"......I still have to get a grip though and "not sweat the small stuff" as the book says.
Today I got home, and as you read earlier, was feeling pretty positive about things. One call to my uncle and grandma and one conversation with my mom and down went that "veil" you were talking about recently. Because you know what? If it was all "rubbish" they were going on about, I could fluff it off, but it's not. It's real honest to goodness intense crap, and like you said about your dad, difficult to set aside. But D, I'm trying to concentrate at least the same amount of my energy on what's good in my life, as opposed to what's not. So I figure if I do 50/50...I'll be better? As long as it's not ALL dark, then I can look forward to things. God you're so right....we'd all be so much better off without all this negative crap!

But honestly Dakota, I've said this before, but I have to do it again. YOU have helped me with something I have struggled with my entire life!!!!! And that is that you have given me that insight as to what my mom goes through with her depression, and how I should not fret about it so much and give her space, and just let her be, when she asks me to. Rather than take it all on myself, and think if I just "buy the right gift" or "say the right thing", it will make things better for her. You dont know what this has done for me. Honest to God, it's been like being able to "breathe" again. Do you remember when we met on here? That weekend, I thought I was going to jump out of my skin. But thanks to you (and Sannah)...I dont think I'll get to that point again.....I love you both so much for that! No friends in my life have ever been so kind. I guess I just needed to say that again!!!
Anyways, enough of this mush eh? It's worse than a bloody soap opera, I could win an award here!!! (I'm just kidding, you know I meant every word).

Of course I am happy for you and Craig....girl, if I could, I'd be out there shoppin' for an engagement pressie!!!!!!! You think I am joking about jumping up and down on the Peace Bridge in a big yellow suit eh? LOL

So right now, I am frantically trying to clean up my house, because my mother is coming here to watch "N' tomorrow. (and let me tell you, my mom may as well be one of those ladies from that show "how clean is your house?".) - all she needs is a bun in her hair!!! And of course, while I'm sweating, hubby is in the basement watching a movie, the loser!!!!! I've been working all day too man!! Lots of people on the board tonight and I'd much rather be sitting here reading and posting, but I'm checking in, in between cleaning......sigh......

All right, I'm off for now....maybe we'll chat again tonight....if you're gone, I'll talk to ya tomorrow!!!

Love, Carsam

 
Old 06-12-2007, 10:06 PM   #6
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Re: Dakota.........how are you?

you know s.thing, C? i love you too, girl!!! and you've taught me much also!! thanks for all your encouragements!!
it's good to feel good! indeed!!
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Old 06-12-2007, 10:45 PM   #7
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Re: Dakota.........how are you?

Awww........thanks D. Now that's a nice way to end the day.
Sweet Dreams!!!

Carsam

 
Old 06-13-2007, 05:58 AM   #8
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Re: Dakota.........how are you?

(and let me tell you, my mom may as well be one of those ladies from that show "how clean is your house?".) - all she needs is a bun in her hair!!!

hi dear C,

i forgot to mention last night: i love watching that show sometimes--whenever i happen to catch it. i can't believe some people's homes can be so absolutely and horrifyingly dirty. i mean DIRTY!!!! i'm begining to think they're "planting" that dirt in there, just to capture viewers' attention! i mean, it's not only dustiness or messiness, it's stuck on dirt, dead bugs, weird things under beds ....talk about reality tv.....

well, i hope N will do ok today. i'm sure your mom will take good care of him, no matter what she says...the mouth says one thing, but the heart says another. i think i've gotten a sense of her by now.

anyway, just wanted to pop in a bit and say that to ya this am.

it's going to rain here today it's so overcast and gloomy....

next time you clean, put a broom/dustcloth/vacuum cleaner in front of, or near hubby and say, "by___ o'clock, i'll be back, and i'm sure this will be sparkling"--with a big nice smile on your face. lol ....who knows if anything may happen.... it made me smile a little bit last night when you said you were all sweating and he was relaxing and "watching tv...the loser"....LOL....sorry, didn't mean to laugh AT you, but it was funny the way you wrote it. i'm sorry though, after having worked all day too!! sucks!! but he should definitely help too, since you and N aren't the only ones to "mess up" the place, for crying out loud... 50-50, no? maybe i'm too naive at this juncture, i don't know.

hope you're having a productive day today,
love and hugs,
D
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Old 06-13-2007, 07:42 AM   #9
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Re: Dakota.........how are you?

So Dakota, what you were saying in your first post on this thread - you were being more upset with me because you didn't think that I was very much like you? Like I was this person coming here saying "do this, try that" and you thought that I was promoting something that didn't apply to you? Dakota, I still want to spank every one of you who say "it's genetic, I can't do anything about this" and one day I am going to show you that you can work your way out of this.

hi sannah,
i'm going to be very late for work today, but i don't even feel like going in. i'm soooo tired of one person there in particular. remember that nurse i talked to you about a long time ago. the relatively new one, who's still on probation, and who thinks she's the cat's meaw?!! the one who before a mtg. when while she was still standing up at the table, with many pple around, said that i didn't have my papers in on time--actually that i didn't send my papers in at all when i was supposed to--for those damn drs. to read about the clients' montly progress...(essentially, that i wasn't doing my job), and who made me feel like s--t....well, i don't know what it is about it, because even though i defended myself as best as i could (bec. the super was right there and gave me that look that said "stop it" and i couldn't really go on), she is still bothering me; not directly now, but indirectly. although she did mention the other day that "they're still not getting your papers, you know, lucky i saw your fax on the table and attached it to my nursing notes, otherwise, they wouldn't have brought it with them to the dr's...."

anyway, this woman has some REAL faults of her own...i mean our clinical director is making her CALL her whenever she (the nurse) gets at the site where she is supposed to be on a daily basis.... she's also making her call her if she's going out to lunch. apparently they don't trust her. ok?????? one day our clinical dir. was out for the day, and wouldn't you know it?!! our excellent nurse who has the best intentions and is the cat's meaw, stayed at work for about 1 and 1/2 hours, then went out for about 2 - 3 hours, and came back with a very nice looking hair-do.... i couldn't believe my eyes. i didn't even say anything. i'm so sick and tired of this woman who actually DOES NOT do her job, yet she tells ME i'm not doing mine!!!! i mean who the hell is she anyway??? she is NOT my boss!!! she's on equal footing with me!!!!! we're supposed to be part of the same damn clinical team--if there is a team anymore, cuz it sure doesn't feel like it. actually, it really doesn't...and now that i think about it, it really isn't anymore. there's no more communication going on...it's nil.

but anyway, that first experience i had with this woman (and we had a mtg yesterday too)--i just can't seem to shake off... whenever i see her, it reminds me of before, and i just simply don't like her. i had NO PROBLEMS whatsoever with anyone else there, with other nurses, or with other people, except with her, and with another younger woman who considers herself a "princess" and with whom i swear i didn't exhange any negative words with, yet this one never even says "hi" to me sometimes.... and it's not just how she is, bec. she's more than talkative with others and such... i know you can't have everybody like you, and i mostly don't care about this one, but this nurse woman is getting the best outta me and i hate her. god, that's such a strong word. i found myself, and still do, so damn sad this morning, just thinking that i'll be seeing her again today. can you believe this? now, why am i giving this woman power over me, when I KNOW for a fact, SHE is the one who's not to be trusted and who's a total witch???

gotta go now...God, i hope and pray it will be a good day, at least tolerable, if nothing else.

oh, and about my post with you...sannah, i didn't know you were as sensitive as you are. you just seemed so strong and so put-together, and that you'd get through anything and everything, like a superwoman...i'm such an idiot here.... i just thought you thought it would be so easy, you know...that's all; i didn't think it would not apply to me. i just thought that ive been doing what you said for so damn long, and it didn't help. hell, even with meds it doesn't. i'm sorry!!!!!!!
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Last edited by Dakota_Skye; 06-13-2007 at 07:45 AM.

 
Old 06-13-2007, 09:44 AM   #10
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Re: Dakota.........how are you?

Carsam, Hallelujah!

 
Old 06-13-2007, 09:53 AM   #11
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Re: Dakota.........how are you?

Dearest Dakota, these women are pushing some buttons of yours. Which buttons are they? What situations in your past does this remind you of? I would totally ignore what the bossy one has to say. When you start to defend yourself against her this really means that you are valuing what she is saying and her opinion. Everyone else in the room has eyes and ears and they know who is right and who is wrong. I have heard of this before - people who don't do their job and then they tell everyone else that they don't do theirs. I have no idea what is going on in their heads but one day I would love for someone to explain it to me.

Again, please stop being sorry. I think what was going on is that you have been HEARING me talk about all of this stuff but you haven't been applying it to your life in a very detailed way. I got better by focusing on the minute details of my life and making changes there. Sure, you can listen to a concept and understand it but you have to live it and analyze every tiny aspect of your life and feelings and make the changes there. I think of it as a take home exam (and I loved take home exams because I hate to memorize) you take the concepts and you have to apply them and flesh them out with deep understanding and analysis.

 
Old 06-13-2007, 05:49 PM   #12
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Re: Dakota.........how are you?

why am i reacting to this woman so much anyway? because i'm asking myself, why am i being criticized for something that i RARELY overlook (since i really put heart and soul in whatever i have to do in my job), and i'm thinking who the hell is SHE to tell me that i'm not doing my job properly!!!?? and the fact that she was new, and the "princess" nodded her head in agreement until her damn head was about to fall off...almost made me want to hit them both right in the middle of their foreheads. i got so angry at that moment, sannah, that i wanted to physically put my hands around her and throw that fast-talking, boastful (about her kids going to medical school), constant-smirk-on-her-face, slightly overweight (no disrespect to overweight people!!!--just to this one!), lying, gossipy, mothe' f-er, witch to the ground. now, you know i rarely get this feeling, and i'm NOT that way at all. my heart was beating loud in my chest and i felt a rush of blood coming to my face. i was ready to fight. and the fact that the other witch (boss) stopped me, made me want to strangle her too. so, i could NOT really defend myself and my reputation properly. it just wasn't fair. i felt like crying, ok?!!!!

you asked me what sit. in the past this may remind me of... the only ones i can think of is when i was criticized by my mom, and once when i was actually criticized and judged in front of the whole damn class by an english teacher, of all people. i don't remember much about the english teacher episode (think i repressed it really well), but i do know that i wanted to disappear into the floor, through the floorboards, and that she was extremely nasty to me for some reason. i swear to God i don't remember what she said or why, but i remember the feelings. it was in high school, and after that i isolated myself even more. see, with that witch of an english teacher and with my mother, i've never felt that my behavior warranted any such sort of harsh treatment, sannah. i was a quiet child/teen. i never rebelled. i never did drugs, drank, or went to hang out at clubs. i studied the best i could. i always went to class. i didn't even have a bf till i was in my middle 20's!! i missed out on so much during my teen years (and now i really regret it--but i was very, very shy). the criticisms and belittling only served to make me withdraw even more from everyone outside, and within myself. i spent time reading poetry and prose and drawing. i know my mom made me cry many, many -- countless times because of her put downs. but i told you sannah, i don't hate my mom anymore; for real, i don't!!!! but i guess you're right. the way i was made to feel a long time ago (weak, ineffectual--no matter what i may have said or did--unworthy, unheard, like i didn't matter, like what i did/do doesn't mean sh-t), it's still there somewhere inside, and it just needs a damn trigger to come out. and this woman was/is a trigger. but now that i really feel some strength to actually defend myself, i CAN'T freakin' do it, bec. it's NOT PROFESSIONAL!!!!!

i'm really tired of people, sannah.
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Old 06-13-2007, 06:08 PM   #13
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Re: Dakota.........how are you?

Wow Dakota! ((((Hugs))) I don't have anything to say, other than sorry. I'm sorry you are having such a hard time!
(((Hugs))) again.
Amber

 
Old 06-13-2007, 07:42 PM   #14
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Re: Dakota.........how are you?

Dakota, I just want to say I totally understand how you feel, you are not the only who wantsto kill the people you work with. I am sure you know my story with my lovely team. I really wish I had a gun and shoot them all. One of them was so nice to me yesterday down the phone, do you know why? Coz she was after some very important advice that I was the only person in the entire building who would be able to give. Instead of telling her my turth feeling and advice, I just told her the standard answers that anybody in the company would give, you knwo those official answers, she believed what I said was from my heart, and I felt kind of excited, coz she was acting like a fool...

Anyway, I dont know what else to say to say that can make you feel better, coz I am in the same situation, just try let it go, maybe... or make a cardboard cut out of that woman and hit her, punch her, kick her, cut her and shoot her etc. I think this is what I am going to do over the summer to mine's.

Last edited by ExTra111; 06-13-2007 at 08:29 PM.

 
Old 06-13-2007, 08:05 PM   #15
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mary09 HB Usermary09 HB Usermary09 HB User
Re: Dakota.........how are you?

[QUOTE=Dakota_Skye;3042956] sannah. i was a quiet child/teen. i never rebelled. i never did drugs, drank, or went to hang out at clubs. i studied the best i could. i always went to class. i didn't even have a bf till i was in my middle 20's!! i missed out on so much during my teen years (and now i really regret it--but i was very, very shy).

Dakota - man, are you talking about you or are you talking about ME? This describes my teenage years perfectly, including the bf part!!! WOW!
You know...I say so many times, that there are people I work with that I would tell to go straight to hell if I didnt work with them, because you're right, it's unprofessional. It's sad how people are allowed to treat each other in the name of "work".
Of all the bosses I had in my many years at my company, when I was pregnant with "N" I got a new guy. Up until then, I was always accustomed to "women"...and they were all very detail oriented, anal, by the book sort of
people. I'm okay with that, as I'm that sort myself at work, so I tend to get along quite well with them. Then out of nowhere I get this guy who wont follow any processes, never responds to my emails or voicemails....and to top it off, is shlepping all his work onto me!!!!! He even told me not to tell our director that he was doing this. What kind of position was that to put me in? 3 months before I was to go on maternity leave.....I applied for another job in my department, just to get away from him because he caused me so much anxiety. I would go home and snap at my husband, not to mention my hormones were all over the place at the time as I was pregnant. My VP wouldnt let me change jobs since I was so close to maternity leave, and promised me that when I came back, he would switch my manager.
Anyways, the day before I left, he gave me my performance review. For the first time in 11 years, I got a really bad review. Told me things that were ridiculous, I am not a team player, I need to take initiative, I need to learn to handle stress better. I told him, I only get stressed out because you dont give me any direction!!! Anyways, I left in tears and as I went off for a years maternity leave, I never even said goodbye to him. Before I went, I wrote a very detailed letter to my VP, and slipped it under his door before I left, explaining everything.
I was so very upset....but I went on my maternity leave and obviously having a baby made me put this aside. While on maternity leave, my VP left to go to another department and I freaked out!!! Oh my god, he wasnt going to be there to ensure I didnt work for this guy again! And of course, I had to go back to him. I had sooooooo much anxiety before I went back. But you know what? I thought long and hard about it, and I said, to hell with him, I am never going to allow this man to make me feel like this again. Besides, if I saw him in the street, I would spit on him. And plus, I'll probably still be in this company long after he's gone. So I went back, shook his hand, and pretended we'd never met before. I believe he also made an effort, and although it was incredibly awkward at first, we ended up if you can believe it, getting along really really well. Ironically he was fired last year and even more ironically I cried when it happened. So I am by no means saying this woman could change and become a nice person, but I know you, and you work your butt off. Dont let her get away with this. You dont have to be rude D, to get your point across. You can find ways to prove her wrong when she makes these allegations about you. She's an idiot, and hopefully she will not stay in your company along time. I'm sure if you see this woman for what she is, then so do your coworkers and at the same time, they know your work ethics. She is the one who is making herself look like an idiot. Have you ever heard the saying "give someone enough rope and they will hang themself"...this is for her!!!
Ignore her completely, speak up for yourself if she says something untrue...the best way to get to her is to be calm and expose her lies. And if it helps, get a doll that looks like her and stick pins in it from time to time.
(ok, I'm joking here, just trying to make you smile)

Hugs,
Carsam

 
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