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Old 06-12-2007, 11:02 PM   #1
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lostalone HB User
Don't know who to be

Hi, I just wanted to tell my little story about depression. Since I can remember I have not been happy, had self esteem, or a personality for that matter. I have just recently learned how to accept myself. I still have a lot of trouble and don't know what to do. I have trouble sleeping, eating too much or if I am stressed too little. I made a horrible mistake a few months ago, and I cannot get through it. I have dreams about what happened and they keep me up. It is hard to live with myself and I am glad I found a place that I can relate. I was taking medication, and I had an adverse reaction, so I stopped taking it. I was taking lexapro, and it seemed to work until I had a bunch of bruises pop up out of nowhere. I have a 2 year old child, and I want to be strong for her. It is hard sometimes. I feel like a loser and I don't know how to grow up. I don't know what I would do without my family. I live at home with them and I am a single mom. Life only gets harder and I can't handle it. I don't know how I am going to raise a happy child. She is very happy though, she is perfect. I am just struggling, I want to be a good influence. Sorry for rambling, I just don't know what to do with myself. Thanks for reading.

 
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Old 06-12-2007, 11:08 PM   #2
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Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Pittsburgh, PA, USA
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keyboardplaya HB User
Re: Don't know who to be

Hi Lostalone,

You don't have to answer if you are still too upset, but what is the mistake that you were talking about? And what kinds of steps, other than medication, have you been taking to get better?

I feel that, if anything, your child will be the best source of motivation for you, along with your loving family which you are very lucky to have.

 
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Old 06-12-2007, 11:30 PM   #3
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Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Dover Tennessee
Posts: 610
emeraldeyes114 HB User
Re: Don't know who to be

Lostalone,

Welcome to the boards. I hope you will grow to like the boards as much as I do. Children are so wondrous in how joyous they can be with little to really amuse them. Perhaps it is their simple view of the world or the unfettered one in which they keep. You have someone who needs you, loves, and can be a huge encouragement for so much. Have you thought about treatment options again? Perhaps there are other meds if they think you need them that would be helpful without the problems you had before. What do you do for fun? Okay I could probably bore you with questions sorry just that way sometimes.

Hugs and welcome to the boards.

Eme

 
Old 06-13-2007, 09:49 AM   #4
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: MI
Posts: 263
jujubeez725 HB User
Re: Don't know who to be

Quote:
Originally Posted by lostalone View Post
Hi, I just wanted to tell my little story about depression. Since I can remember I have not been happy, had self esteem, or a personality for that matter. I have just recently learned how to accept myself. I still have a lot of trouble and don't know what to do. I have trouble sleeping, eating too much or if I am stressed too little. I made a horrible mistake a few months ago, and I cannot get through it. I have dreams about what happened and they keep me up. It is hard to live with myself and I am glad I found a place that I can relate. I was taking medication, and I had an adverse reaction, so I stopped taking it. I was taking lexapro, and it seemed to work until I had a bunch of bruises pop up out of nowhere. I have a 2 year old child, and I want to be strong for her. It is hard sometimes. I feel like a loser and I don't know how to grow up. I don't know what I would do without my family. I live at home with them and I am a single mom. Life only gets harder and I can't handle it. I don't know how I am going to raise a happy child. She is very happy though, she is perfect. I am just struggling, I want to be a good influence. Sorry for rambling, I just don't know what to do with myself. Thanks for reading.

*Gives L.alone big cyber hug*

Welcome, hon!

 
Old 06-13-2007, 10:22 AM   #5
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 6,178
Sannah HB UserSannah HB User
Re: Don't know who to be

Lost, do you want to share more? Why do you think that you haven't been happy and do you think you know what lowered your self-esteem?

 
Old 06-14-2007, 06:34 AM   #6
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Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: New York
Posts: 1,464
Dakota_Skye HB User
Re: Don't know who to be

Life only gets harder and I can't handle it

hi lost,

it's ok. that's why we're all here. life IS hard, and even though a lot of us are going to therapy AND are on meds, life is still hard, and so we come here too, to talk about our lives and to share, and to give each other some encouragement--to make each other not feel so alone and lost!!!

about your meds--like emeraldeyes said, there are so many others out there that may be ok for you, if you think you need them to get past this impasse. besides, it really helps to talk to a specialist face-to-face, and 1-1 since you can go into more detail there. that past experience seems to haunt you pretty badly, and it interferes with your life so much that you can't move forward at all.

but lostalone--you can always come here and talk to us. if you want to open up here, people are very kind. and many people would love to help you. we help one another here, and we've become like family. so, we welcome you in our family. please come whenever you want and share.

god bless you and your little one!
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Be kinder than necessary,
Because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle...

 
Old 06-14-2007, 11:41 AM   #7
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Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 299
even_sly HB User
Re: Don't know who to be

lost ~ At times when I was so depressed that all I wanted to do was crawl into a hole and cry for hours, I'd just think of my son. That's all I did. I remembered that I'm here for him... I'm on this earth for him. He needs me. I can't go anywhere because of that.

Yes, if you could tell us what steps you've been taking... And also, yes... Please talk to us here. As much as you want. ((((((hugs)))))
__________________
"Be content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you." ~ Lao Tzu

 
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