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Old 06-16-2007, 05:13 PM   #1
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brains HB User
Living with a Depressed Wife

I've been married for 6 years. When we were dating and first married she was a wonderful person. I truly loved her. Life was perfect. She became pregant. Which she and I wanted more then anything in the whole world. During her pregancy she became very upset and angry all the time. She began to eat everything. I just tried to help and humor her. I know being pregant was rough and I knew it was only for 9 months and I could deal with it. I dont remeber alot of the time from then to now it is sad how you can block out bad times. She just became worse and worse after the baby. She went from 145lbs to 260lbs. She refused to clean, refused to workout and most of all fought about everything with me and my side of the family. I am a passive person so I would let most of it slide. Last year I really tried to get her to go to the couselor, which I had done before but this time it worked. She went and has been going since, twice a month. She is also on medication. She is alittle better. However I have lost the person I loved and married. I've just always been hoping for that person to come back.
How do I live with her like this for the rest of my life. How many years do I live with somebody that says she loves me sometimes but never shows it. She never gives to the relationship. She just depressed, when I bring stuff up she says I dont understand. I can only understand it as much as reading about it and seeing it and what it has done to my wife. I just dont know how long I can live like this. She is coming up to her one year of going to counseling and medication. I see very little difference.

My worry is also for my kid she can be so mean to him some times.

I still love her but the love is more of a love of a family member and not a wife.

Thanks for listening.

 
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Old 06-16-2007, 06:08 PM   #2
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Sannah HB UserSannah HB User
Re: Living with a Depressed Wife

Brains, I am sorry about your situation. Can you get her to start posting here?

 
Old 06-17-2007, 09:33 AM   #3
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Dakota_Skye HB User
Re: Living with a Depressed Wife

yes, i think if she starts writing and posting here, she'll get the chance to interact with people who are going through some of the same things she is!!! we are all depressed people on this site. we have depression, anxiety, and more. a lot of us are on meds, and a lot of us go to counseling too. we've done this for years, but it also helps A LOT to come here and talk to others who are in the same boat, so to speak. it has done wonders for me. people here are very, very helpful, and like family. they all encourage each other, give each other helpful ideas, and praise each other when they see others make a bit of progress here and there.

this is a wonderful board, and i believe your wife will really benefit from talking about her issues on here.

god bless!
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Old 06-17-2007, 10:13 AM   #4
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hannasnana HB User
Re: Living with a Depressed Wife

Quote:
Originally Posted by brains View Post
I've been married for 6 years. When we were dating and first married she was a wonderful person. I truly loved her. Life was perfect. She became pregant. Which she and I wanted more then anything in the whole world. During her pregancy she became very upset and angry all the time. She began to eat everything. I just tried to help and humor her. I know being pregant was rough and I knew it was only for 9 months and I could deal with it. I dont remeber alot of the time from then to now it is sad how you can block out bad times. She just became worse and worse after the baby. She went from 145lbs to 260lbs. She refused to clean, refused to workout and most of all fought about everything with me and my side of the family. I am a passive person so I would let most of it slide. Last year I really tried to get her to go to the couselor, which I had done before but this time it worked. She went and has been going since, twice a month. She is also on medication. She is alittle better. However I have lost the person I loved and married. I've just always been hoping for that person to come back.
How do I live with her like this for the rest of my life. How many years do I live with somebody that says she loves me sometimes but never shows it. She never gives to the relationship. She just depressed, when I bring stuff up she says I dont understand. I can only understand it as much as reading about it and seeing it and what it has done to my wife. I just dont know how long I can live like this. She is coming up to her one year of going to counseling and medication. I see very little difference.

My worry is also for my kid she can be so mean to him some times.

I still love her but the love is more of a love of a family member and not a wife.

Thanks for listening.
Have you gone for counceling for you? This is a difficult situation to live in year in and year out. Anger starts to build, frustration, etc. You can become co-dependant and become unhealthy yourself.
Your valuable too, your feelings and emotions are also important. But, your the only one who can take care of you.

 
Old 06-17-2007, 02:08 PM   #5
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even_sly HB User
Re: Living with a Depressed Wife

Can you maybe talk to your wife's therapist/psychiatrist? I mean, it would have to be O.K. with your wife. Would she let you? I mean, tell her you care about her and would like to know how you can help her out more. My husband did a session with my therpist a long time ago and ever since then he's been much more supportive and understanding (not that you haven't been, but my husband has always said that meeting with the people who treat me has been a good thing). Just thinking maybe the people helping her would help you understand what's going on with her better... And give you some ideas on how to help her without getting yourself down.

Also, yes... This is a good place for support... For you AND for her. If you'd like to stay here with us, just tell her to do an Internet search for mental health forums. There are many other sites she could go to. I think you need a place to vent too... And we're here to help. Hang in there, k?

Hugs ~ Sly
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Last edited by even_sly; 06-17-2007 at 02:11 PM.

 
Old 06-17-2007, 02:21 PM   #6
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galbraith37 HB User
Re: Living with a Depressed Wife

Am sorry you are going through a tough time the now.I suffer from bad depression and it got worse before and after our baby.God i treated my husband so bad i was nasty all the time and i couldn,t help myself and the thing is i love him to bits.So at the moment we just take it day by day.You should look into depression more and tried to understand it and that may help your wife.Sannah is right you should try and get her to post on here as it helps me when i need a moan and my doctor said that this posting each others problems is a great idea as we learn from each other.Good luck mate

 
Old 06-20-2007, 11:18 PM   #7
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brains HB User
Re: Living with a Depressed Wife

I have gone with her before to counseling but it just did not help me very much. It was not one on one. It was me and the couselor and my wife. It is really hard to talk in front of my wife. I am so used to playing defense talking to her. The smallest thing can make her upset. If she's upset it's bad.

As far as the message board. I am not sure. It would probably help her to post here. But if she saw what I put on my first message post. She would flip out.

Thanks for the Response
I will post more later

 
Old 06-21-2007, 08:08 AM   #8
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Join Date: Apr 2007
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jujubeez725 HB User
Re: Living with a Depressed Wife

Brains,

Seeing that she was totally different after the baby, from what you've said, perhaps she suffered from PPD (Post Partum Depression)?

Maybe she needs to go more often than 2 times a month...??? I don't know.

If you go to counseling, ask if you can have a one-on-one session, so you can speak freely -- or, see a therapist for yourself.

It's been a year, but obviously your wife needs time... she maybe depressed about all the weight-gain, too.
She's probably just taking it out on you; I don't think she means it.
You're the person that's there helping her get through this difficult time, so she winds up hurting the person that she loves.

It does happen... but that's why you also need to seek therapy for your own well-being.

 
Old 06-21-2007, 04:27 PM   #9
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Mammato2 HB User
Re: Living with a Depressed Wife

I don't know if anything I say will mean anything because I am someone else's depressed wife. I am constantly in fear that my husband is thinking similar things about me. And that fear itself often causes more anxiety and depression, which leads me to more behavior that I know upsets my husband. It's a vicious downward spiral that sometimes seems to never end. I obviously don't know if that is contributing to your wife's depression but I hope things get better for you soon.

 
Old 06-22-2007, 07:28 AM   #10
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Sannah HB UserSannah HB User
Re: Living with a Depressed Wife

Quote:
Originally Posted by brains View Post
I have gone with her before to counseling but it just did not help me very much. It was not one on one. It was me and the couselor and my wife.

It is really hard to talk in front of my wife.

I am so used to playing defense talking to her. The smallest thing can make her upset. If she's upset it's bad.
Brains, this is a problem. So you walk on eggshells with your wife. I would suggest you go to one on one counseling just for this. There is probably a whole history behind why you act this way and it would benefit you greatly to work this out with yourself. This can also cause a lot of relationship problems - this dynamic of one person walking on eggshells. It isn't healthy.

 
Old 06-22-2007, 10:03 AM   #11
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jay29 HB User
Re: Living with a Depressed Wife

HI brains.

I am sorry that you feel this way about your wife. sound really painfull for you to leave like this. BUT I want to hear from your wife's side of story too.
so that we can help both of you and your marriage.. jay

 
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