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Old 06-19-2007, 11:07 AM   #1
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I have nothing

I have an eating disorder. It was a problem to others, but I was fine with it. I feel fine, finally think I look good, and was still losing. I set a low weight goal and figured once I reached it I could focus on maintaining or gaining (a little), and I was almost at that weight.

Bosses and family members have taken me aside and asked me about my health. I found this annoying, but no big deal. But last week my boss said if I kept losing weight and if my job performance was affected he could force me take a leave of absence.

What?! I love my job. My identity IS job and my weekly weight goals. Now I have to gain weight or I could lose my job. I think about weight 24/7. I feel like I lost my best friend. Iím forcing myself to eat but it makes me angry. Iím going to get fat, and canít do anything about it.

I felt like I was achieving something. I enjoyed attending my eating disorder support group, but I didnít go this week. I donít belong there anymore. Iíve lost everything. I have no goals. Nothing to focus on or look forward to. When I come home from work I eat dinner, and go straight to bed. Iím depressed and I have nothing.

 
Old 06-19-2007, 11:12 AM   #2
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Re: I have nothing

Quote:
Originally Posted by MariaBB View Post
My identity IS job and my weekly weight goals. Now I have to gain weight or I could lose my job. I think about weight 24/7. I feel like I lost my best friend. Iím forcing myself to eat but it makes me angry. Iím going to get fat, and canít do anything about it.

I felt like I was achieving something. I enjoyed attending my eating disorder support group, but I didnít go this week. I donít belong there anymore. Iíve lost everything. I have no goals. Nothing to focus on or look forward to.
Maria, I am so sorry. So your identity - job and weight goals - you have to choose between them.

Why can't you go to the support group anymore? You still have an eating disorder even though you are eating. You are angry and you still have the needs to have weight goals in order to feel focused in life.

 
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Old 06-19-2007, 04:20 PM   #3
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Re: I have nothing

How do you know you have an eating disorder? Are you underweight?

I don't know something else about this, why would your boss feel that your job performance is affected by how skinny or (fat) you are or you get? That sound absurd to me.

 
Old 06-19-2007, 05:09 PM   #4
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Re: I have nothing

Not all people with an eating disorder are underweight. I suffer from anorexia and bulimia and I'm a normal weight. When you don't properly nourish your body it can affect your thinking and judgement and your ability to make sound decisions. This could have an adverse effect on her job performance. Then, there's also the physical aspect of it, dizziness, lightheadedness, passing out, etc.

Last edited by kittywitty; 06-19-2007 at 05:13 PM.

 
Old 06-19-2007, 08:40 PM   #5
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Re: I have nothing

I wasn't trying to imply that she could ONLY have an eating disorder IF she was underweight. Those were two entirely different questions, just to clear up any confusion.

 
Old 06-19-2007, 09:56 PM   #6
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Re: I have nothing

Sorry, maybe I just misunderstood your question(s). It's just that alot of people (not you personally) think that a person has to be skin and bones to have an eating disorder and nothing could be further from the truth. I can't tell you how many times people have said to me, 'You don't look like you have a eating disorder.' I think the media really provides us with a false image of what eating disorders actually look like.

Last edited by kittywitty; 06-20-2007 at 08:25 AM.

 
Old 06-20-2007, 05:11 AM   #7
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Re: I have nothing

Quote:
Originally Posted by kittywitty View Post
Not all people with an eating disorder are underweight. I suffer from anorexia and bulimia and I'm a normal weight. When you don't properly nourish your body it can affect your thinking and judgement and your ability to make sound decisions. This could have an adverse effect on her job performance. Then, there's also the physical aspect of it, dizziness, lightheadedness, passing out, etc.
i think that this is what the bosses are implying in maria's case, whatever the truth may be. this is how they see it.
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Last edited by Dakota_Skye; 06-20-2007 at 05:11 AM.

 
Old 06-20-2007, 05:19 AM   #8
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Re: I have nothing

Quote:
Originally Posted by rline928 View Post
I think that's pretty ridiculous. Weight and job performance are two entirely separate issues. I don't think it's really any of his business, as long as you are doing your job sufficiently. That's like telling an overweight worker "if you continue to gain weight and become fat and it affects your work, you're fired"...why would he even mention the weight part? He needs to keep business and personal issues separate. If it does start to affect your work, only then does he has a right to address that issue - and only that issue - in the sole context of job performance, without speculating or getting into what may or may not be causing it.
hi rline,
in a wonderful world, this would be true, but unfortunately, we live in a bit of a broken world nowadays, where people ARE being judged by their looks. i'm sure you've even heard of studies made where they interviewed people of average weight and overweight people, as well as people who weren't considered so "attractive" from society point's of view.... guess who did not get the jobs?? ...

i've also seen overweight people cry and be absolutely tormented because of losing their jobs due to their weight and such--since they didn't "represent" the "agency" they worked at in a "proper" manner....

it is completely disgusting what is going on in this world, but it's at times, true.

i'm sorry, maria!!!!!!!!!!! but like sannah said, i believe you can still go to the groups!!!! you still have an eating disorder, that's for sure. and you're still going to therapy.
PLEASE take care of yourself!!
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Old 06-20-2007, 07:38 AM   #9
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Re: I have nothing

Quote:
Originally Posted by MariaBB View Post
Bosses and family members have taken me aside and asked me about my health. I found this annoying, but no big deal. But last week my boss said if I kept losing weight and if my job performance was affected he could force me take a leave of absence.
Hi Maria,
Is it possible your boss is using the "job performance" as a tool(rightly or wrongly) for you to get help. According to your boss, he was going to force you to take a leave of absence, he wasn't threatening to fire you. To me, that sounds like someone who is genuinly concerned about YOU.
You know you have an eating disorder, which basically is disordered thinking, something I am extremely familiar with myself. I would encourage you to continue to seek help and therapy, and maybe you just might need to take a leave of absense in order to get back on track.
I wish you well.
Tracker

 
Old 06-20-2007, 07:47 AM   #10
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Cool Re: I have nothing

Quote:
Originally Posted by MariaBB View Post
I have an eating disorder. It was a problem to others, but I was fine with it. I feel fine, finally think I look good, and was still losing. I set a low weight goal and figured once I reached it I could focus on maintaining or gaining (a little), and I was almost at that weight.

Bosses and family members have taken me aside and asked me about my health. I found this annoying, but no big deal. But last week my boss said if I kept losing weight and if my job performance was affected he could force me take a leave of absence.

What?! I love my job. My identity IS job and my weekly weight goals. Now I have to gain weight or I could lose my job. I think about weight 24/7. I feel like I lost my best friend. I’m forcing myself to eat but it makes me angry. I’m going to get fat, and can’t do anything about it.

I felt like I was achieving something. I enjoyed attending my eating disorder support group, but I didn’t go this week. I don’t belong there anymore. I’ve lost everything. I have no goals. Nothing to focus on or look forward to. When I come home from work I eat dinner, and go straight to bed. I’m depressed and I have nothing.

Good Morning Maria!

Bosses and family members have taken me aside and asked me about my health.
Ok, b/c I was going to ask how did your boss know about your health issues? Is he/she watching your weight, too???

But last week my boss said if I kept losing weight and if my job performance was affected he could force me take a leave of absence

Now that's going a bit too far, IMO.
Does your boss make you weigh-in when you come into work?
How does he know if you're losing weight like that?

Anyway, Maria, I'd go to the support group meetings--don't skip not ONE.
It seems to me that your job is really tied to your "weight" (something I find most bizzare nowdays) so try to make progress.
Insurance companies are now trying to make people pay higher premiums if they aren't doing things to stay healthy or lose weight or whatever.

If you smoke and don't get on some kind of program to quit, they will increase your premiums.
If you're over-weight and you're not on a weight-loss plan or diet, they will increase your premiums.
If you don't tell the doctor that you do some type of exercise and try to eat right, they will increase your premiums.

You probably feel pressured to make progress, Maria. That's not right to pressure anyone to progress.
But go on to the support group. Your health is very important.

 
Old 06-20-2007, 07:59 AM   #11
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Re: I have nothing

Maria ~ HAS your job performance changed because of this? If so, then I have to say that maybe he's just "looking out for you?" I mean, if he's seeing a change in your work... He might just be suggesting the leave of absence so that you don't lose your job.

I was kind of forced into a leave of absence at a job once... It was because the boss cared. Simply put. He was like "get help so you don't lose your job. I don't want to have to fire you." So I did... And it was the best thing for me. I stayed at that job for 7 years.

I have an eating disorder too. I'm not skin and bones. I think the one thing those of us with an eating disorder have is a preoccupation with food 24/7. That's me too.

Maria ~ I feel for ya... I totally understand what you're going through. I really think though, that if there's been no issues with your work performance then it's none of your bosses' business. If there have been performance issues, then I'd take the leave... You don't want to lose your job, right?

Hang in there... ((((((((hugs))))))) ~ Sly
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Old 06-20-2007, 01:01 PM   #12
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Re: I have nothing

Yes, but I think in Maria's case, she is very underweight, am I correct?

I suffered from an eating disorder, and, Maria, let me tell you, you reach your goal weight, you just want to go lower, and lower and lower still. Well, my goal weight was 110 lb., then 100 lb., then 90 lb., then 80 lb., and at 80 lb, I STILL thought I was fat and needed to keep losing weight when that was the fartherest thing from the truth.

If your bosses are taking you side and beginning to question your ability to physically & menatlly do the work because of your weight loss, I think at some level, they have a point. When my weight got below 100 lb, I still functioned, but it was only just. My thinking was seriously screwed up. I was sleeping 1-2 hours a night--if I was lucky. I was tired, dizzy, weak, and my heart hurt all the time.

Your bosses may be concerned about liability issues, about you having a heart attack and dying right there at work. They are probably imagining that scenario and thinking, "What if that happens and I do nothing to prevent it?" Then, it is probably their butt on the line as well.

An eating disorder is not an identity. I think I've said that to you before. You have to look into yourself and find another identity. Focus on your work, that's good or your life outside of work, but don't let the eating disorder consume you & become your identity because it's not a friend, it's a false identity and it makes you lead a very empty, shallow life. Looking back on that time in my life, I hate the person that I was then. All I cared about was my ED. I would scream at my sister if she invited a friend over and I couldn't do my afternoon long workouts. It tore apart my relationships. My best friend quit calling me to do anything because I was such a chore to hang out with. My mom just cried every time she saw me, and my dad yelled at me. I had nothing and no one but the ED, and I thought it was my friend, but it nearly killed me in the end. Don't fool yourself thinking you will "maintain" at a certain weight because you won't. The ED will just make you want to lose more and more and more weight, and you'll never be happy no matter how much weight you lose.

Last edited by livinTX; 06-20-2007 at 01:04 PM.

 
Old 06-21-2007, 06:43 AM   #13
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Re: I have nothing

Quote:
Originally Posted by rline928 View Post
Yeah, actually I take back my original post, I kinda agree with the last poster.

rline,

I don't take back my post, but I do agree w/the poster before you!

I hadn't thought about the situation from the point of view of the company thinking that a person could sue them if something should happen on the job. That's a good point.

 
Old 06-22-2007, 07:15 AM   #14
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Re: I have nothing

Sorry for the delay, I've been depressed and hadn't been to this site all week. My boss noticed because I've lost a lot of weight. My Body Mass Index was 15.7. Anything below 18.5 is considered underweight. I've been eating more so I don't get in trouble at work, but I it makes me feel angry and depressed. I realize that my boss said what he did out of concern. There is the possibility that I could pass out at work, or make a colossal mistake because my head isn't all there.

I skipped the support meeting because I feel like I don't belong any more. I suddenly have to give up the eating disorder or I could lose my job. There's no transitioning into normal eating, it's cold turkey, and it sucks.

I'm having a hard time filling my head with thoughts that aren't related to weight. Last weekend I was horribly depressed. This week I've been a little better, but only because I've been busy at work and haven't had much time to think about it. But another weekend is coming and I'll have time with food and my thoughts. I hate this. I no longer have control over anything. All I can do is try to eat and try not to cry.

I'm supposed to go to a friend's birthday party tonight. I'm really dreading it. There will be food and happy people there. I just want to go home and go to bed.

Last edited by MariaBB; 06-22-2007 at 07:23 AM.

 
Old 06-22-2007, 07:22 AM   #15
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Re: I have nothing

Quote:
Originally Posted by MariaBB View Post
I've been eating more so I don't get in trouble at work, but I it makes me feel angry and depressed.

I suddenly have to give up the eating disorder or I could lose my job. There's no transitioning into normal eating, it's cold turkey, and it sucks.

I'm having a hard time filling my head with thoughts that aren't related to weight. I no longer have control over anything.
Maria, you can still go to that support group. You don't have to give it up, thus, give up the label of having an eating disorder for your job. I don't think that you can get over this disorder cold turkey. It will be gradual.

Of course this is about control, feeling that you have control over your life, and this controlled eating gives you just that. Are you feeling angry because someone else has more control now, your boss, by making you give up the one control over your life that you had? (and then the repressed anger is causing more depression?). Maria, is the contol that you need just control over your feelings?

 
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