Originally Posted by Mammato2
Well I've been lurking on here for weeks and I've started to post many times. But tonight I really feel desperate and I guess I need to reach out and hope someone reaches back, even though I am reaching to a group of strangers.
A little background: I'm 35 years old, married, a working mother to two toddlers. I have a long history of depression. Medicated on and off since 1995, mostly with zoloft which I hate. I haven't been on meds in over a year.
I love my husband dearly but our marriage is a mess. We have the same fight over and over again. I convinced him to go to marriage counseling and we went to our first appointment but he refused to go back. He basically said that I have issues and when I addressed them individually then he'd consider going back to couples. He's got a lot of anxiety issues but he's gotten them pretty much under control for now at least.
I feel like my husband won't listen to me and he thinks I'm just a big old mess and he tunes me out or ridicules me or whatever. My friends are probably sick of hearing me complain. My old doctor is just an unmanageable drive for me anymore and I can't find a new one.
I've never hurt myself but I've had thoughts. I am not suicidal at all but I pick at my skin until it's bloody and scabby and I get some pleasure out of it. My husband is disgusted at my scars of course.
I have no idea how to express how desperate I feel. I'm so sad and scared and I don't know what else. I am at a loss and I don't know how I even make it through the days anymore. I'm scared of what is going to happen when I finally can't make it through anymore. I seriously think I am going to have some kind of breakdown and I just hope it doesn't happen in front of my children.
What do I do? How can I stop this? I need help getting out of this dark cave I am in.
Hello Mammato2! I haven't been on meds in over a year.
Let's start here. Why not? Did your doctor take you off the meds, or did you do it? If they make you feel "bad", or have adverse side effects, you should let your doctor know. I love my husband dearly but our marriage is a mess. We have the same fight over and over again.
You don't have to say exactly what you 2 fight about, but who brings up this issue? Does your husband keep bringing up something and you keep fighting over it? It's obviously an unresolved issue, worthy of counseling--but the husband doesn't think it warrants a trip to a counselor or therapist! He basically said that I have issues
Ah, so he doesn't have any problems? He's right and you're just a "mess"?
With that type of thinking, he definitely needs to be the first person beating down a therapist's door.
If he "tunes" you out, he's ignoring the fact there are problems in the marriage. Either he's afraid to face them, or he doesn't care. Do you think he's cheating?
Now for you: go on to see a therapist. Can you change the doctor you're currently seeing? It sounds like you're having a hard time trying to see a new one.
I know some people have counselors at their church. Do you have a church that you belong to? If so, have you tried talking to a counselor there?
It takes 2 to tango, so if your husband refuses to work things out, you will be left with no choice but to do what you have to do...
I can't see a man that professes to love his wife and see that she's going through a very hard and difficult time just sit there and ridicule and tease his wife -- I don't understand that.
He's disgusted at the scars? He's not even thinking that you need help?
He's a lousy, cold-hearted b******! Sorry, he's wrong for that!