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Justine955 06-21-2007 04:28 AM

Brothers died
 
I have always been quite a depressed person, but a couple of months ago my wonderful younger brother was killed by an idiot in a van on his motorbike. This was absolutely devastating for my family as we are such a close family. i did have a lot of support from my usually tepremental boyfriend which helped a lot but recently my dad has bough me and my boyfriend a place to live in september when i go to uni, which im already nervous about leaving my family. i though the one and only good thing that came out of my brothers death is the fact that my boyfriend had stopped being so horrible and realised theres more important things to stress about. But recently he's started being totally unreasonable and horrible to me again and i just feel as though every time something starts to go right, it all just goes terribly wrong again but worse. i cant split up with him as he's the only person who makes me feel happy again and i really love him and he loves me, he just gets so wound up sometimes. Sometimes he doesn't seem to care though, however upset i am. I just cant cope with my family falling apart and the stress of moving away from them with someone who can be utterly foul to me. But i have no choice, i just wish he could be more considerate and less touchy as its making me wish i was dead. What should i do, how can i make him respect me and be nice to me again?

stick2013 06-21-2007 04:50 AM

Re: Brothers died
 
You can't MAKE your boyfriend, or anyone be nice to you. It's a lack of self respect for themselves, that they lash out at others. Your problem will only get worse with him. I would suggest that you get out of this relationship before it goes much further. No one needs to take abuse from anyone.

I am sorry about your brother. Sometimes cruel and sad things happen that we have a hard time dealing with.....

Sid

bonnie381 06-21-2007 04:51 AM

Re: Brothers died
 
i really think that you are still very much grieving your brother,anyone who has not gone through that kind of grief does not have an empathy with someonewho has.
i think you know yourself that your relationship is not going anywhere with him,you may well not want to be on your own so anything is better than nothing.Take time to re-evaluate your life and ask your self what you really want. you have to have a really understanding partner when you suffer from depression, i know, my partner is fully supportive of mine. hope you find your way, whatever you choose xx

Trackerk 06-21-2007 08:04 AM

Re: Brothers died
 
"It is better to be alone, than to be ill accompanied"....
I needed the repeat that quote over and over again when I went through my divorce.
You are the only person that can make yourself happy. There is no time line or clock for grief, and I suspect your boyfriend believes there is...obviously any empathy he was showing you was temporary and now his true colours are showing through again.
It takes courage to make a decision to do what is good and right for you, even if it hurts...the hurt will eventually go away and your strength will shine through.
My sincere condolences for your loss.
Tracker

jujubeez725 06-21-2007 08:52 AM

Re: Brothers died
 
[QUOTE=Justine955;3057133]I have always been quite a depressed person, but a couple of months ago my wonderful younger brother was killed by an idiot in a van on his motorbike. This was absolutely devastating for my family as we are such a close family. i did have a lot of support from my usually tepremental boyfriend which helped a lot but recently my dad has bough me and my boyfriend a place to live in september when i go to uni, which im already nervous about leaving my family. i though the one and only good thing that came out of my brothers death is the fact that my boyfriend had stopped being so horrible and realised theres more important things to stress about. But recently he's started being totally unreasonable and horrible to me again and i just feel as though every time something starts to go right, it all just goes terribly wrong again but worse. i cant split up with him as he's the only person who makes me feel happy again and i really love him and he loves me, he just gets so wound up sometimes. Sometimes he doesn't seem to care though, however upset i am. I just cant cope with my family falling apart and the stress of moving away from them with someone who can be utterly foul to me. But i have no choice, i just wish he could be more considerate and less touchy as its making me wish i was dead. What should i do, how can i make him respect me and be nice to me again?[/QUOTE]

I agree w/Stick, Bonne and Trackerck.

First and above all, you need to be able to continue to grieve the loss of your brother.
You do NOT need to be around anyone that is abusive, non-supportive, selfish, and non-caring. That is what you absolutely DON'T need.

Furthermore, don't move anywhere with your current boyfriend. You need to move AWAY from him.

[B]But i have no choice, i just wish he could be more considerate and less touchy as its making me wish i was dead. What shoud i do, how can i make him respect me and be nice to me again?[/B]

You have a choice -- leave him. You can't do anything to make him more "considerate and less touchy". He's being that way for whatever reason and there's no ONE THING you can do about it. You also can not make him respect you or be nice to you.

Work through your grief. He does NOT understand what you're going through and he can NOT understand it unless he has gone through it or goes through it himself; and you don't want anyone to have to endure that feeling.

You need to separate yourself from him because he only makes things worse.

mary09 06-21-2007 04:07 PM

Re: Brothers died
 
Hi Justine..
I wanted to say I agree with everyone who posted before me. But Justine...I do also think you know something's not right with your relationship or you wouldnt have come here about it. You love him....but because you still think he will change. How people handle crisis is very enlightening. He may have been supportive when your brother died....but then went back to being disrespectful to you. This tells me this will be a pattern and I actually think you are lucky right now to be given this warning before you go further in the relationship. I am not saying he does not care about you....but if he loved you he would not treat you the way he does. He needs to respect you.....and you need to respect yourself. If you dont, he wont. It's just my opinion for whatever it's worth....but life can throw you alot of curveballs. You've suffered a terrible loss with your brother...but sadly life doesnt just stop there. There will be other turmoils to go through...and you need someone by your side who will be strong for you. And in the same respect, life can give you lots of joy...and you want to share it with someone who truly appreciates and respects you.
Best of luck....

Carsam

violaroses 06-22-2007 10:09 AM

Re: Brothers died
 
oh i hope you come back and read what others have posted for you, give us an update. (((())))))))))))))(((((((((((((()))))) i am so sorry for your loss, it is very hard, and your confused, please check in with us. please relize you will have nothing but heartache if you continue to let him treat you like this. please tell him he needs to get help for his behavior issues or this is the last straw, i will pray for you that he will listen, and get help and treat you with respect like every person deserves.


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