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Old 06-22-2007, 11:54 AM   #1
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Sorry if this is in the wrong place, probably is...

I suppose i really just want to vent.
The thing is, a while ago a family member died and i miss this person soooo much and i feel mad at myself for not saying bye to this person. I did visit the person in hospital but i didnt hug/kiss her or anything and i hate myself for this. Im bottling up everything and i feel sad and want to cry alot. Recently my parents keep saying im moody and ive noticed this too, i just dont know whats wrong with me.
Am i still just grieving?
Im worried im going to be like my mum, shes depressed and has other problems and i feel if i keep feeling the way i feel i will be depressed like my mum and i wouldnt like to be like that, i havent had the best time growing up with mymum being depressed its been horrible. Things happened when i was a kid and its not as bad now but me and my mum argue alot and for this reason ive never really spoke to her about how i feel and stuff, i think it is because i dont want to upset her and make her feel worse i hate it when she says shes sorry for everything shes ever done or said to me and says she doesnt blame me if i dont forgive her. I want to forget what evers happened im scared that i will say something bad and my mum will go back to how she was years ago.

I think i just need someone to talk to...arghh!!!!

 
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Old 06-22-2007, 12:11 PM   #2
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Re: Sorry if this is in the wrong place, probably is...

I am sorry to hear for your loss of your family member.
I hope you are OK. after you posted here... good luck!! jay

 
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Old 06-22-2007, 12:54 PM   #3
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Re: Sorry if this is in the wrong place, probably is...

Quote:
Originally Posted by MooMooCow View Post
I suppose i really just want to vent.
The thing is, a while ago a family member died and i miss this person soooo much and i feel mad at myself for not saying bye to this person. I did visit the person in hospital but i didnt hug/kiss her or anything and i hate myself for this. Im bottling up everything and i feel sad and want to cry alot. Recently my parents keep saying im moody and ive noticed this too, i just dont know whats wrong with me.
Am i still just grieving?
Im worried im going to be like my mum, shes depressed and has other problems and i feel if i keep feeling the way i feel i will be depressed like my mum and i wouldnt like to be like that, i havent had the best time growing up with mymum being depressed its been horrible. Things happened when i was a kid and its not as bad now but me and my mum argue alot and for this reason ive never really spoke to her about how i feel and stuff, i think it is because i dont want to upset her and make her feel worse i hate it when she says shes sorry for everything shes ever done or said to me and says she doesnt blame me if i dont forgive her. I want to forget what evers happened im scared that i will say something bad and my mum will go back to how she was years ago.

I think i just need someone to talk to...arghh!!!!
MMC,
Sorry for your loss.

Am i still just grieving

Yes, and it takes time.
It really doesn't go away, but with counseling (btw, are you seeing a therapist?) and time, you're more equipped to deal with it.

You have to stop bottling up your feelings and see a therapist so that you can talk these things out.
You won't necessarily become like your mother because she's depressed; it doesn't mean you have to stay that way.
You can deal with your depression with some help.

Your mother also needs to do the same. She's been depressed for so long! I hope she's willing to go to counseling.

 
Old 06-22-2007, 01:03 PM   #4
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Re: Sorry if this is in the wrong place, probably is...

Thank you for your replies.
I never really though about seeing a counsellor, I wouldn't know what to say anyway, id end up just sat in silence. I never talk about how im feeling so i would find it really hard.

Thank you again for the replies.

MooMooCow

 
Old 06-22-2007, 01:18 PM   #5
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Re: Sorry if this is in the wrong place, probably is...

moomoocow I'm sorry for your loss. Do you think it would help if you wrote a letter to this person telling them how you feel, telling them that you love them and you're sorry you didn't express it at the time, etc. The sheer act of writing the letter may help, but maybe you could even go to their grave and read the letter? I'm not sure if that's possible, but that may be something that could help you along on the healing process.

 
Old 06-22-2007, 02:35 PM   #6
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Re: Sorry if this is in the wrong place, probably is...

Quote:
Originally Posted by rosequartz View Post
moomoocow I'm sorry for your loss. Do you think it would help if you wrote a letter to this person telling them how you feel, telling them that you love them and you're sorry you didn't express it at the time, etc. The sheer act of writing the letter may help, but maybe you could even go to their grave and read the letter? I'm not sure if that's possible, but that may be something that could help you along on the healing process.
rosequartz, I don't know if it will help but I will give the writing a letter a try.
Thank you

 
Old 06-22-2007, 08:18 PM   #7
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Re: Sorry if this is in the wrong place, probably is...

About seeing a therapist/counsellor. You mentioned being worried that you would have nothing to say. A good therapist/counsellor will keep the dialoge going and advance at a level you feel comfortable with. Grief really differs from person to person in how quickly they deal with the emotions. Don't rush it just take your time and deal with everything in a healthy and safe manner

take care
trg247
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Old 06-23-2007, 06:03 AM   #8
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Re: Sorry if this is in the wrong place, probably is...

Quote:
Originally Posted by MooMooCow View Post
Im bottling up everything and i feel sad and want to cry alot.

i havent had the best time growing up with mymum being depressed its been horrible. Things happened when i was a kid and its not as bad now but me and my mum argue alot and for this reason ive never really spoke to her about how i feel and stuff,

i think it is because i dont want to upset her and make her feel worse

i hate it when she says shes sorry for everything shes ever done or said to me and says she doesnt blame me if i dont forgive her.

I want to forget what evers happened

im scared that i will say something bad and my mum will go back to how she was years ago.
Hi MooMoo, if you bottle up your feelings of grief and do not talk about them how will these feelings of grief leave you? Please consider talking with a therapist and/or talking here.

You say that your mum has changed and that she has apoligized. This is HUGE girl! For her to get to this point I doubt that she would go back. I doubt that you could say anything that would send her back to where she was. You didn't cause her depression. Children only suffer from it (when their parents have it). Why do you hate it when she apoligizes for what she has done?

 
Old 06-23-2007, 09:17 AM   #9
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Re: Sorry if this is in the wrong place, probably is...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sannah View Post
Hi MooMoo, if you bottle up your feelings of grief and do not talk about them how will these feelings of grief leave you? Please consider talking with a therapist and/or talking here.

You say that your mum has changed and that she has apoligized. This is HUGE girl! For her to get to this point I doubt that she would go back. I doubt that you could say anything that would send her back to where she was. You didn't cause her depression. Children only suffer from it (when their parents have it). Why do you hate it when she apoligizes for what she has done?
Hi Sannah, thanks for the reply.
I can't help bottling up my feelings, i never speak to anyone and i find it hard to just open up and talk about things.
My mum has been depressed for as long as i can remember, there was a point when it was so bad things were weird and I would like to forget about those times so when she says sorry it brings back those memories and makes me feel unhappy as then all i think about is what things used to be like. I do love my mum to bits but as shes been depressed for so long ive never had the chance to do things with her, she doesnt go out much and when i was younger all i remember is doing things with my dad. So i dont think ive really got on with my mum, we argue all the time.
I can't explain what i mean, so sorry if im not making much sense.

Last edited by MooMooCow; 06-23-2007 at 09:19 AM.

 
Old 06-25-2007, 04:28 PM   #10
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Re: Sorry if this is in the wrong place, probably is...

MooMoo, what do you and your mom argue about?

 
Old 06-26-2007, 10:00 AM   #11
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Re: Sorry if this is in the wrong place, probably is...

Anything. Everything seems to be my fault. Something happens and im the one to blame. Its like shes constantly in a mood and takes it out on me, has a go at me for little things like shutting a door.
I feel alot happier when I am not at home, but when I go home I feel down. And now, im easily irritated. I don't want these arguments any more, they have been part of my life too long and seem like they will continue to go on for as long as i live at home anyway. I don't think me and my mum will ever get along. I feel so alone when it comes to having someone to talk to, I would like it to be where I could tell my mum anything, but it never has been like that and it never will.

 
Old 06-26-2007, 01:24 PM   #12
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Re: Sorry if this is in the wrong place, probably is...

MooMoo, have you ever tried to talk to your mum about how she blames you for everything and how the arguments upset you? It seems if she has apoligized to you for what she has done that she would be open to talking to you about these problems between the two of you?

 
Old 06-26-2007, 01:38 PM   #13
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Re: Sorry if this is in the wrong place, probably is...

Hi Sannah, my mum has appologised for things shes said and done from when i was younger and how things were really bad. Its effected me more than I have realised, im scared she will go back to that point.
Ive tried to talk to her, once we argued so much and things were said but to be honest it sort of didn't help.
There are days when we don't argue but then theres days when we argue the whole day, like today. Started over something so little.
I don't know what to do any more.

 
Old 06-26-2007, 01:46 PM   #14
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Re: Sorry if this is in the wrong place, probably is...

What did the argument start over today?

 
Old 06-26-2007, 01:53 PM   #15
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Re: Sorry if this is in the wrong place, probably is...

My fault, I dropped a glass and it smashed. It happens.

 
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