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Old 06-22-2007, 07:57 PM   #1
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Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Phoenix AZ
Posts: 1,340
lilc HB User

I'm delighted to report that I've succeeded, for a couple of weeks now, in NOT calling or e-mailing family, friends, business associates, nor have I posted to ANY board how I am FEELING! Nor have I expressed how I FEEL to anyone in person. I actually had several days there in the midst of the past 2 weeks where I pretty much didn't FEEL! How wonderful. [Let me just say, I am in NO WAY recommending this approach to dealing with depression. It is physically painful, and I'm pretty sure it is self-destructive.]

But tonight some feelings have nearly overwhelmed me, so I'm here. If I don't just close my browser, if you are seeing this, you know that I'm still not tough enough to "shut it down". I keep remembering that movie starring Jessica Lange, about Francis Farmer. Was she happy after the lobotomy? Was she at least comfortable?

I think I'll post this. Not sure if I want help/support, or if I want to issue myself a challenge.

And I certainly don't expect that any of you will have a clue what I'm talking about. I may be completely insane! For the record, I'm not feeling inclined to do any of the following: hurt (kill) myself, hurt or kill others, send incriminating evidence of corruption (that I have) to any news publication...OK, I'm lying through tightly-clenched teeth about that last one...

What happened to my world???

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Old 06-23-2007, 04:54 AM   #2
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 6,176
Sannah HB UserSannah HB User
Re: Hey!

Lilc, how are you today? Why do you want to isolate yourself?

Old 06-26-2007, 07:54 PM   #3
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Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Phoenix AZ
Posts: 1,340
lilc HB User
Re: Hey!

Sannah, I'm ready. I wrote the letter.

I am Saved. But tonight I asked God, WHY DID YOU MAKE ME???

This is so absurb. How can one endure this PAIN???

Honestly, I don't know where I can go...

Old 06-26-2007, 08:03 PM   #4
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Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado, USA
Posts: 13
krissaean HB User
Re: Hey!

Hi Lilc, Im sorry your going through such a hard time right now. I dont think by not shutting your browser down before posting it means your not tough enough. I think we all need the ability to feel we connect with someone, with anyone and that were not totally alone in this life and that even if its painful, its a good thing to open up to others and let them try to help or just be there to listen. I hope your feeling better soon. Take care!


Old 06-27-2007, 10:11 AM   #5
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 6,176
Sannah HB UserSannah HB User
Re: Hey!

Lilc, you are talking in "code"! What is going on?

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