where do I go from here? - Depression Message Board

Kansas15 · 07-16-2007, 08:38 PM

My husband of 10 years has decided he wants a divorce. We are going to therapy but not together and he has moved out. Now he is being mean and hateful. I don't want a divorce but he does. I don't know how to start getting over him...how to move on. I cry all the time. We had been seeing eachother occasionally and talking on the phone, he lives 2 hours away now, but he has decided he doesn't want to do that anymore. He says he will continue to see the therapist....He says he wants a divorce but hasn't filed because he isn't ready for it to be final. What do I do? I still love him very much but I know it's over...how do I move on??????

positivity17 · 07-16-2007, 11:20 PM

I'm sorry you're going thru this situation right now. I can't tell you how to move on, I only know that one day it will just happen, and I hope it comes soon!! A 10 year relationship is a pretty huge deal, this will take some time to get over, allow yourself to mourn the loss of your husband. Let your therapy help you get thru this tough time and BE GOOD TO YOURSELF!!

emeraldeyes114 · 07-17-2007, 12:22 AM

I agree the ending of a marriage is very similar to a death. It is not something that gets better in an hour or even a day especially when you are not even sure what happened to end it. Allow yourself to feel the pain and the loss and grieve for what has happened. Take it one day at a time and it will get better over time. Right now there is sort of a limbo going because the papers haven't been filed yet so it sort of hangs there.

I know you are not ready for the divorce and letting go is the hardest thing we have to do in life. Hang on to the memories and the love you all had for those things are important. Try to find what you want in life and what will make you happy. Maybe think of the future though it is hard now it won't be forever as something that is going to be really good.

((((Hugs))))I wish I had better advice then that. I know it is not the cure all you might want. Just hang in there and I hope you will write when you can on how you are doing.

Deb

mycatwillow · 07-17-2007, 05:03 AM

I have a friend who's going through a very nasty divorce. They had a great marriage and then all of a sudden everything went sour. She filed and it took him a very long time to respond. She's very depressed about the whole thing and I keep telling her that of course she's feeling the way she feels, and at least it's finally happening, which means it will be over that much sooner. I agree with the advice that you need to mourn and that it will get better over time. Try to look after yourself the best you can, and don't blame yourself either. You can't control what he does.