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Old 07-18-2007, 04:51 AM   #1
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Lovehurts HB User
Depression, Lost love and where to go from here?

How does one get over a person that they can't have anymore?
How does one carry one when most of his marital problems where from depression and he's taken every pill on the market and has talked to every counsoler in his area and he know that 50% of his problems stems from the one he loves, But can't he can't find relief?
And then she finally gets to the point to where his obsession drives her even further away.
My life is even emptier now than what it was in a bad marriage! I thought that maybe being sinlge again would help, but it has worsened my depression.
There was a time in my life when all this freedom and alone time would have been the best thing for me, But now it's like a curse!

I still love this women and always will, Never will i not think of her! But i think i drove her away because of my depression. Now i don't think i will ever have her again and it hurst sooooo bad!

Most say that men are cold hearted and have no feelings and move on quick after a break up, well i am not like most guys... I do have feelings...

I think there has been way too much hurt in this relationship to go back, but why do i not want to move on?

Does depression worsen with age? Does one lose themselves worse later in life?
If this is what life is all about, I don't really want to live anymore!

I am sorry for the rant, but i just needed somebody to talk too!

 
Old 07-18-2007, 05:20 AM   #2
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Re: Depression, Lost love and where to go from here?

You know, the more i think about depression, I'd rather have cancer than live like this?
Can anybody relate?
To sit and live but not live has got to be the worst.

 
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Old 07-18-2007, 06:34 AM   #3
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Re: Depression, Lost love and where to go from here?

Hi,

You're not going to get over her just like that. It sounds like you are mourning the loss of your relationship, and being depressed just makes it worse. When a relationship ends, you go from spending a lot of time with someone and confiding all your secrets, and when that's gone it's like an empty hole. Even if it's a bad marriage, it's still a life change when it ends and that's stressful. It feels like something is missing, but that feeling won't last forever, although it seems like it now.

Of course it hurts when someone you care about can't handle your depression, but don't critcize yourself. You didn't ask to be depressed. Some people just can't deal with it. Try to take advantage of your freedom. Try to keep busy. And don't give up on your treatment. Are you seeing a psychiatrist?

 
Old 07-18-2007, 06:38 AM   #4
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Re: Depression, Lost love and where to go from here?

By the way, I do know what it's like to feel so horrible that you wish you could replace your depression with something else. And I know what it's like to be in love with someone who doesn't love you. I've experienced that and it's the worse. Although we are still friends I've decided not to talk to my "love" for awhile and cutting myself off has actually helped me.

 
Old 07-18-2007, 06:55 AM   #5
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Smile Re: Depression, Lost love and where to go from here?

Hello LOVEHURTS!
Of course we can relate. Who hasn't lost their mind over lost love? But both you and I know, and also everyone else on this planet, that the misery goes away after a while, PROVIDED you stop feeling guilty about yourself and what you perceive as your bad behaviour because of the depression.
Did you want to be depressed? Did you want to drive her away? I am sure NO. So why are you feeling guilty? MOVE ON.
Talking of illness and ultimately dying is no way out of the blues AND YOU KNOW IT. Get a grip on yourself.GET OUT OF THE HOUSE NOW. SMILE. JOIN A CLUB, A GYM, GIVE YOURSELF A GOAL. Take up a new hobby BUT FORGIVE yourself.
We all have our ups and downs. And right now you are DOWN. But you also know that tomorrow is another day and you will be UP, just as the sun comes out of the clouds. ALWAYS.
So, please, get out of the house, go for a walk, do something you will really enjoy. Get a pet, especially a dog, which you have to take for walks and meet other people. SMILE even if you do not feel like it.Be nice. Say HELLO to strangers. Do little things, one day at a time and reward yourself for making it one more day.
Give yourself time and you will see that you will find another soulmate who will share your problems. Hasn't it happened many times in the past? I am sure it has.
DO keep writing. We are here for you.
Did I tell you about the two ladies, in their fifties, who knew each other a long time?
One says to the other: Darling, can you tell me your name? I forgot!!
And the other after a lot of thought : How soon do you have to know?

 
Old 07-18-2007, 08:42 AM   #6
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Lovehurts HB User
Re: Depression, Lost love and where to go from here?

Quote:
Originally Posted by mycatwillow View Post
Hi,

You're not going to get over her just like that. It sounds like you are mourning the loss of your relationship, and being depressed just makes it worse. When a relationship ends, you go from spending a lot of time with someone and confiding all your secrets, and when that's gone it's like an empty hole. Even if it's a bad marriage, it's still a life change when it ends and that's stressful. It feels like something is missing, but that feeling won't last forever, although it seems like it now.

Of course it hurts when someone you care about can't handle your depression, but don't critcize yourself. You didn't ask to be depressed. Some people just can't deal with it. Try to take advantage of your freedom. Try to keep busy. And don't give up on your treatment. Are you seeing a psychiatrist?
We have been playing games for two years now and i want it to stop. She still loves me but has a lot going on in her life and can't deal with me anymore. It's sad when marriage Vows state in sickness and in health, but this disease is probably the worst in my book! Like i said, I'd rather have some other disease than depression and anxiety.

 
Old 07-18-2007, 08:45 AM   #7
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Lovehurts HB User
Re: Depression, Lost love and where to go from here?

Quote:
Originally Posted by mycatwillow View Post
By the way, I do know what it's like to feel so horrible that you wish you could replace your depression with something else. And I know what it's like to be in love with someone who doesn't love you. I've experienced that and it's the worse. Although we are still friends I've decided not to talk to my "love" for awhile and cutting myself off has actually helped me.

I know she still loves me, but my depression scares her away... Yup, I'd take no legs over this stuff anyday... I can't even concentrate anymore, Sorry fo my ramblngs

I, At first cut myself off and away from her, But i feel back in and we tried to work things out, but we are back to square one, but worse off now cause she knows things about me (through therapy) that make matters worse!

 
Old 07-18-2007, 08:53 AM   #8
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Re: Depression, Lost love and where to go from here?

Quote:
Originally Posted by thaliak View Post
Hello LOVEHURTS!
Of course we can relate. Who hasn't lost their mind over lost love? But both you and I know, and also everyone else on this planet, that the misery goes away after a while, PROVIDED you stop feeling guilty about yourself and what you perceive as your bad behaviour because of the depression.
Did you want to be depressed? Did you want to drive her away? I am sure NO. So why are you feeling guilty? MOVE ON.
Talking of illness and ultimately dying is no way out of the blues AND YOU KNOW IT. Get a grip on yourself.GET OUT OF THE HOUSE NOW. SMILE. JOIN A CLUB, A GYM, GIVE YOURSELF A GOAL. Take up a new hobby BUT FORGIVE yourself.
We all have our ups and downs. And right now you are DOWN. But you also know that tomorrow is another day and you will be UP, just as the sun comes out of the clouds. ALWAYS.
So, please, get out of the house, go for a walk, do something you will really enjoy. Get a pet, especially a dog, which you have to take for walks and meet other people. SMILE even if you do not feel like it.Be nice. Say HELLO to strangers. Do little things, one day at a time and reward yourself for making it one more day.
Give yourself time and you will see that you will find another soulmate who will share your problems. Hasn't it happened many times in the past? I am sure it has.
DO keep writing. We are here for you.
Did I tell you about the two ladies, in their fifties, who knew each other a long time?
One says to the other: Darling, can you tell me your name? I forgot!!
And the other after a lot of thought : How soon do you have to know?

I think i fear moving on because: Will somebody else love me because of the way i am? Can i love somebody else? Is there really somebody out there for me?
I want to move on, But everything i do and see reminds me of her! We have kids togehter, So every time i go pick them up i see her and it hurts!

I have tried to fill my "alone" time with work and other things, but i find two things the relieve my pain are Tv (witch only works a little) and sleeping, Now if i am to move on, how do i do that by sleeping all the time...

I just feel as if everything i have ever worked for or done is LOST...

I do have a dog and the poor thing gets neglected because i never feel like doing anything, But tonight when i get home, no matter what i am going to take him for a walk and try to focus.

Thank you for listening to my rant, But why do things have to be so darn hard?

 
Old 07-18-2007, 09:43 AM   #9
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Re: Depression, Lost love and where to go from here?

Lovehurts.I can sympathize with you and I have been through pretty much the same thing.I was married and I have 3 children.I have been divorced for many years now .Ultimately it was my disorder that broke the marrige.When I was high I was very convincing and overpowering in all manner of mad flighty ideas,changing this that the other,getting frustrated and walking out.then when low I appeared so much the reverse and so needy that in the end it proved too much for her.Long and short is we split but it took me a loooong time to get used to a) letting go the idealic life of the family b)loving my kids from a distance c) being back out on the market so to speak. d) LIVING WITH MYSELF(still working on that ) Let me tell you as I'm sure you know that when kids are involved it makes everything different but kids need love ,if you got some,give it to them.

But fella,this might seem so sharp but the sooner you conecentrate on where your at now rather than what was,the sooner your gonna get through.The past is always the past and can never or should never be re invented.

Forward is hard,make your own rules now,give what you can to the children and sculpt a a new life.Slowly and don't panic.
If this seems cliched its not intentional .

What I did was to try and seperate two things. Me the father and me the person.A distant father needs to plan and work at spending time with his kids.this is a job itself.Then,as a person I have my own needs which are the business of no one but myself.They are my private affairs.



Hope thats some help

The L

 
Old 07-18-2007, 10:16 AM   #10
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mycatwillow HB User
Re: Depression, Lost love and where to go from here?

L in London, I think that is excellent advice!

 
Old 07-18-2007, 11:27 AM   #11
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Lovehurts HB User
Re: Depression, Lost love and where to go from here?

Thanks L


I am under the care of a Psych, but they really don't care...

You are right thought, I need to make some priorities and work from there! (but right now i am "high", tonight when i am alone i will be "low") So i can say a lot now, but tonight when the darkness sets in, I will struggle...

Thanks folks, Just nice to know that there maybe life out there after all!

 
Old 07-20-2007, 12:26 PM   #12
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Re: Depression, Lost love and where to go from here?

Hello again Lovehurts!
I read your last post today, two days later! Sorry!
I have sensed that you are doing better. Good. Keep trying. God bless!
Good night!

 
Old 07-20-2007, 03:53 PM   #13
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Sherri5186 HB User
Re: Depression, Lost love and where to go from here?

It will take you awhile to get over her,it has been five years
since my ex left me and I am now over him,but,will always love
the idiot.
I have an appt. to see a psychiatrist for the first time for social
anxiety and was going to mention my ex,it is sad to hear that they
do not care.I guess they just want your money? Take care.

 
Old 07-21-2007, 02:04 PM   #14
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stasi HB User
Re: Depression, Lost love and where to go from here?

London,
It has taken me 3 years to put my problems/mental status on the back burner and be a good mother. I know at first I felt like I was taking all my emotions out on my kids. Now it's like I can deal with them at the end of the day or when I can privately. Thanks for bringing that to my attention again.

 
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