I shouldn't be depressed, I should feel lucky - Depression Message Board

louise1964 · 07-25-2007, 02:37 AM

Hi, I am 43yrs, a mum to 2 beautiful children, have a husband who loves me deeply, however I alienate anyone outside my little family circle. I have no close friends to speak of, I try to loose contact with anyone who becomes my friend and fear that I will do the same to my kids when they get friends!!!! My mum died 5 months ago at the ripe old age of 81yrs and I feel that I cannot survive without her.... She had such an influence over me, she taught me nothing but how to be paranoid about just about everything, but I still can't break free of her ways. When people try to get close to me I wonder what they want from me, I start to doubt my own abilities with everything.... I had post natal depression when my daughter was born 18months ago and think that I have never really got over it... I can't just wake up to myself, and stop worrying about everything, I can't just relax and be thankful about life.

SOPHIABELLA · 08-03-2007, 01:55 AM

Hang in there my aussie friend, time heals all wounds. Your wounds go deeper than others and I would suggest you see a therapist. They are impartial, you don't owe them your friendship, you just show up. I know it is hard, I am so depressed right now I dont even have the strength to write it all down. So, maybe it will make me feel better to reach out to someone else.
It almost sounds like you are trying to in some way hang on to some of your moms traits in honor of her. Perhaps it feels like just another thing you have to let go of, and you are not ready. You know it isnt a healthy trait, but you are holding on to whatever you can because you probably arent all that ready to let it all go, the good and the bad. But remember that YOU deserve to be happy and to have healthy relationships will all kinds of people. The grieving process takes a long long time. Dont beat yourself up for not being able to move on more quickly, it has only been 5 months sweetie! I have one of those know it all moms too. I am 44 now and it has taken me years and years of counselling to be able to love her for herself, and be able to love myself even though heaven forbid, I am not just like her! (this drives her crazy) I am grateful that she taught me how NOT to be with my daughter. Don't forget the kids are watching and learning from you too. I will check in to this thread to see if you write back, but remember like it or not, (haha) you have a friend in the USA who is sending you a hug!

Kari

Maneka5* · 09-08-2007, 12:35 PM

Hi Louise, Maneka here, just read your thread. Its hard to reach out to people when you doubt everything. . . their intentions, your ability to be honest, simply being vulnerable and human. . . its frightening. I understand. You cant reach out if you dont feel worthy of the help you might get. Do you think you dont deserve it? You are human Louise and you have lost someone very important. Let yourself grieve. Its healthy. Keep your loved ones close. If you are shutting everyone else out then so be it. They should understand. Try to be kind to yourself. Time puts things in perspective, give yourself that time. Cherish your loved ones at this most difficult time.. I hope each day it will be easier for you. I'll be thinking of you

hugs from Eire

Maneka

sophz · 12-26-2008, 12:53 AM

go easy on yourself it takes time i can understand some of what you are going thru i was like wow them 2.take care of you you are quite capable of being whatever sort of person you want just believe in you and know you can achieve anything you think you can so make it good thoughts