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Old 07-31-2007, 06:55 PM   #1
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What do you do when you can't stand it anymore?

I've been depressed for over a year now, and it just keeps getting worse. I already thought it was as bad as it could get months ago, but somehow it just keeps getting worse. One of my friends died, then my dog died, and then my best friend of 15 years and the last friend I had left said I wasn't worth his time anymore. I've been to several doctors, a psychologist, a psychiatrist, I've been on Zoloft, Lexapro, Effexor, amitryptaline, and a lot of other crap, nothing has helped even a tiny bit. I've tried so hard to make new friends but nobody seems to like me. I just spend every day crying and missing my friends and my dog and wishing I could just close my eyes and die. I can't stand it anymore! I really don't know how I can handle another day of this. What else can I do? Who else can I talk to? HOW CAN I MAKE IT STOP?!?!! I just feel so hopeless and worthless...I know that's a symptom of depression, but it's also the truth....

Last edited by BigBlock21; 07-31-2007 at 06:57 PM.

 
Old 07-31-2007, 07:36 PM   #2
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Re: What do you do when you can't stand it anymore?

BigBlock, I am sure that many who frequent this board can identify with your sadness.

I am sure that feeling hopeless and worthless does feel like the truth right now. Do you have someone or something that gives you any hope at all?

Carolyn

 
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Old 07-31-2007, 07:50 PM   #3
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Re: What do you do when you can't stand it anymore?

Quote:
Originally Posted by orchardlady View Post
Do you have someone or something that gives you any hope at all?
Nothing what so ever.

 
Old 07-31-2007, 10:52 PM   #4
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Roche87 HB User
Re: What do you do when you can't stand it anymore?

Don't do anything you will regret. you need something in your life, someone maybe. Ive been feeling pretty ****** myself recently.

the last thing you want to do is give up on yourself.

 
Old 07-31-2007, 11:27 PM   #5
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Re: What do you do when you can't stand it anymore?

I can relate to how you feel. I feel the same way. Hopeless and worthless. It's the dam depression. I have children and a husband who need me. That is what keeps me hanging on. Do you have family you could talk to about your feelings? I talk to my dad alot.He has been a big help. I didn't think he would be at first. I didn't think he would understand I can't control how I feel. Good luck to you. Hang in there.
Jack

 
Old 08-01-2007, 12:14 AM   #6
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thaliak HB Userthaliak HB Userthaliak HB Userthaliak HB Userthaliak HB Userthaliak HB User
Re: What do you do when you can't stand it anymore?

Hello Bigblog,
I sympathise a lot with your predicament. I know exactly how you feel.
I noted that you have been depressed for a year and yet you say you have tried everything as if you have been going for many- many years. You have even been to doctors and "psychologist and psychiatrist", WHICH IS VERY GOOD.

But you must know that being in therapy needs a lot of commitment and lot of patience. But it especially needs a long time, until you open up little by little and start identifying with the therapist and project on him your deeper, childhood, subconscious feelings before you start getting better. Am I right in assuming you have only been a few times to therapy? If I am ,this in my opinion, is the ONLY reason you have not seen an improvement.
I would say exactly the same things about medication which must be combined with therapy at the same time in order to have results. If you have been changing over every few weeks after not seeing immediate results, then this could be the reason for still feeling this awful.
You very genuinly want to get your life back. Just go back to a doctor with whom you can have a good trusting relationship so that he can help you. BELIEVE ME this is the way it has worked for me. A good relationship with the therapist has brought a lot of burried stuff out of me , opened up my eyes to what has been really causing me my depression and has empowered me to start FIGHTING BACK, while starting to liking myself a little ....AnD thus, GETTING MY LIFE BACK...
As a start,think about your childhood.
How happy were you? Did you feel loved and appreciated in your family? Did you have encouragement or abuse of any kind? Did you feel as though you did not exist or some sibling was taking all the attention? Did you feel angry for anything that was recurring in your childhood and then guilty for having the anger?. If you can even remotely relate to these feelings that means you can benefit a lot from systematic therapy. PLEASE THINK ABOUT IT CAREFULLY AS A LONG TERM GOAL WHICH STARTS WITH THE SMALLEST STEP.
Do not dispair. wE ARE HERE FOR YOU. Keep posting

 
Old 08-01-2007, 08:19 AM   #7
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minutexminute HB User
Re: What do you do when you can't stand it anymore?

Dear BigBlock -
You are not alone, although I know that is little comfort when every minute is a struggle to get through.
I also have been depressed for a very long time & I cry every day, sometimes I can't control it & it happens wherever I may be.
I have tried many meds too, and am still trying to figure out which help, which don't.
I have read here on this site that often many meds have to be tried, sometimes for extended periods of time, & if you keep with it, and get therapy, they do help to ease the depression & allow you to get back to functioning without intense emotions taking over your mind. Dont' give up, many people are going through this too, even if you don't "see" them.
We must believe that we CAN and WILL get better!
Debra

 
Old 08-01-2007, 12:43 PM   #8
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Re: What do you do when you can't stand it anymore?

Quote:
Originally Posted by BigBlock21 View Post
I've been on Zoloft, Lexapro, Effexor, amitryptaline, and a lot of other crap, nothing has helped even a tiny bit. ..
How many others have you been on? If it's only a couple more, then you've barely scratched the surface. There are many others. Try your best to be patient until one works. I'm on my 13th and my doctor said there are still several others I haven't tried.

 
Old 08-01-2007, 07:05 PM   #9
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Re: What do you do when you can't stand it anymore?

Quote:
Originally Posted by BigBlock21 View Post
I've been to several doctors, a psychologist, a psychiatrist, I've been on Zoloft, Lexapro, Effexor, amitryptaline, and a lot of other crap, nothing has helped even a tiny bit.
Big, what was it about these meds that caused you to stop taking them. In one year that is a lot of meds to try and abandon. Did you feel they simply didn't help at all? Were you expecting them to stop the crying and anxiety? When you say "several doctors", how many was that and why did you change from one to the other?

I have been dealing with depression since I was a small child. It has been my plague for decades now. So, I can empathize with your frustrations...I have been there and done that...in spades, as they say.

My life journey began badly and the misery continues to compound...I also frequent the PTSD board!!

The reason I asked about a focus in your life: I have four grandchildren. They are my focus in life. They are the single reason I am grounded to planet earth. If not for them, I would probably be out-of-here long long ago. The simple thought of what it would be like for their parents to have to explain to them why I have left planet earth for good...I can't even begin to imagine where their simple, small minds would lay blame. For some forcus is a pet dog or cat. For some it is a material item of interest or a hobby. Please look around your life. Surely there is something you can use as a focal point.

As Roche87 said, Don't do anything you will regret. To add to that, please keep in mind that, as Debra said, You are not alone...this board is here to listen and reply...agree with us or not...we are here. I tend to be a realist in my replies, but it is how I am...sorry!

 
Old 08-02-2007, 08:35 AM   #10
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Breezes HB User
Re: What do you do when you can't stand it anymore?

In my experience support is a must. Family, support groups, and group therapy are places to look. It is a lot easier to fight this, make changes, and take risk when there are people who care.

I would give a lot of thought to everything that thaliak said about therapy.

 
Old 08-07-2007, 07:43 PM   #11
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Re: What do you do when you can't stand it anymore?

Quote:
Originally Posted by JACKFLASH View Post
Do you have family you could talk to about your feelings?
No, I don't. That's mostly why I feel so bad. I have absolutely nobody to talk to, nobody to see, nobody to do anything with, nothing.


Quote:
Originally Posted by orchardlady View Post
Big, what was it about these meds that caused you to stop taking them. In one year that is a lot of meds to try and abandon. Did you feel they simply didn't help at all? Were you expecting them to stop the crying and anxiety? When you say "several doctors", how many was that and why did you change from one to the other?
I know they didn't work at all. They had zero effect, good or bad. No side effects either. It was like I was taking nothing at all, and still is. I'm on effexor now and they do absolutely nothing for me. The reason I have used so many different meds is because that's what my doctor wanted to do, tried each one for a couple months and he was (and still is) puzzled as to why they don't work. I don't expect them to make me feel perfect, but yeah, I do expect them to help with the crying and anxiety. If not that then what else are they for? I've been to three docotors because the first was an idiot, and then the second one moved.


Quote:
Originally Posted by orchardlady View Post
The reason I asked about a focus in your life: I have four grandchildren. They are my focus in life. They are the single reason I am grounded to planet earth. If not for them, I would probably be out-of-here long long ago. The simple thought of what it would be like for their parents to have to explain to them why I have left planet earth for good...I can't even begin to imagine where their simple, small minds would lay blame. For some forcus is a pet dog or cat. For some it is a material item of interest or a hobby. Please look around your life. Surely there is something you can use as a focal point.
My focus has always been my friends and my dog. Now my best friend is dead, my other best friend hates me and I don't know why, and my dog is dead. I miss them all SO much every day I can hardly move. For more than half my life, my dog was always there, no matter where I went. Whenever I felt like this he knew it, and would always come over and try to play with me. It's been 7 months now since I lost him and it still hurts more and more every day. My best friend was the closest thing I ever had to a brother, for 15 years we did everything together. Then right after my dog died he said "you're not worth my time anymore" for absolutely no reason and hasn't talked to me since. I think about him every day too and it just hurts more and more all the time. I know no matter what those things can never change, and honestly, I don't know how I can live without them.

 
Old 08-07-2007, 08:23 PM   #12
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Re: What do you do when you can't stand it anymore?

BigBlock,

I know your pain. I have been depressed off and on most of my life however it became severe over the past 3 years after I lost my best friend. It seemed like things went down hill from there. One loss after another, one stress after another, etc. I got to that point where I wanted to sleep and not wake up. I followed through twice and ended up as an in-patient and out-patient November 2006 through February 2007. I am still under psychiatric care and see my therapist on a regular basis. Like you, it seems like none of these medications work. I have been on so many; I can't even remember all of them. I was even on Effexor, up to 350 mgs. It worked for 2 years but then I guess my body reached a tolerance and it stopped working. I was then diagnosed with Bi-polar 2 and currently on Ativan (for anxiety), Paxil, and Lemictal. I have been depressed for so long, I am not even sure what "feel good" means. They way I cope is stay busy so I won't think about everything that is painful in my life. I have a job, I clean my apartment, go shopping or out walking, play scrabble on the computer and keep in touch with my family members via the telephone. I do have a daughter and a 2 year old granddaughter. If it wasn't for my granddaughter, I don't think I could continue on. Don't give up, but be sure to see a therapist. I was told in out-patient that the meds are a small part of the healing process. It is a combination of talk therapy along with the meds. Keep a journal and write your feelings in it each day to get it out of your system and on paper. I know you miss your dog, my puppy died last year and I got another dog now. There are a lot of dogs that need a good home as well as your care. I can't give you the magic answer but I can only make suggestions. Do whatever it takes to stay busy so that you won't dwell on your pain. God bless.

Last edited by Happy Days; 08-07-2007 at 08:25 PM.

 
Old 08-07-2007, 08:35 PM   #13
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Survivor3 HB User
Re: What do you do when you can't stand it anymore?

Quote:
Originally Posted by BigBlock21 View Post
I've been depressed for over a year now, and it just keeps getting worse. I already thought it was as bad as it could get months ago, but somehow it just keeps getting worse. One of my friends died, then my dog died, and then my best friend of 15 years and the last friend I had left said I wasn't worth his time anymore. I've been to several doctors, a psychologist, a psychiatrist, I've been on Zoloft, Lexapro, Effexor, amitryptaline, and a lot of other crap, nothing has helped even a tiny bit. I've tried so hard to make new friends but nobody seems to like me. I just spend every day crying and missing my friends and my dog and wishing I could just close my eyes and die. I can't stand it anymore! I really don't know how I can handle another day of this. What else can I do? Who else can I talk to? HOW CAN I MAKE IT STOP?!?!! I just feel so hopeless and worthless...I know that's a symptom of depression, but it's also the truth....
You have to understand why making friends is so hard.

 
Old 08-08-2007, 10:53 AM   #14
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Re: What do you do when you can't stand it anymore?

Quote:
Originally Posted by BigBlock21 View Post
I know no matter what those things can never change, and honestly, I don't know how I can live without them.
Never say never, you are in a depressed place right now. That depression comes across in your demeanor when you are around people. They can feel it too. Sadly depression and people don't mix well.

Effexor...I take 300 mg daily to keep up with my depression...it has to be increased slowly.

Please hang in there...okay,
Carolyn

Last edited by orchardlady; 08-08-2007 at 11:16 AM.

 
Old 08-08-2007, 01:31 PM   #15
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Re: What do you do when you can't stand it anymore?

BigBlock21: I know what complete despair feels like though I've never lost a best friend by death and I've never really had a dog. You sound like you're in a bad place so try to hang in there with trying the various medications and hopefully you will hit upon one that works. I know this is very, very frustrating because I have gone thru the process myself. I recently started taking cymbalta and wellbutrin and feel the best I have in the longest time. Seriously, I felt like giving up and began to plan how to kill myself, instead of going thru with it I hospitalised myself -- at the advice and urging of 2 dr's, my sister & a friend. I got the help I needed and my hope came back, about six medications later here I am. Therapy is so important as the others suggested in their posts, finding the right person is really important because you have to be able to have trust. Keep in close contact with your dr's and if you feel suicidal go to the nearest emergency room.


Also, thank you all for your posts, it really helped me a great deal b/c I'm not too far from where BB21 is. Getting support from others is amazing!

Last edited by positivity17; 08-08-2007 at 01:33 PM. Reason: spelling

 
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