Getting more depressed, and not knowing what to do
Hi. I am so ready to give up, but I know that I can't. For two years now, it sems that all I am is sick. First, I had a period that lasted for 6 months straight. I go to the GYN, and he tels me I have PCOS. I get diagnosed with diabetes, hypothyroidism, asthma, my gallbladder had to get removed in April, and then I got kidney stones. Now I am in pain, and they are saying it is something wrong with my back. I have been on Darvocet, Percocet, Vicodin, Vicoprofen, Morphine, and Tylenol 4 (which is what I am on now). I am still in a lot of pain. going crazy. About a month ago I was put on Cymbalta for depression. Two weeks later, they put me on Elavil instead, because it was cheaper, and would help with my migraines. Two days after that, I had to get brought in to the ER by ambulance due to passing out. I was taken off of it a few days later when I went to the Mayo Clinic. the Elavil dropped my bllod pressure and my blood sugar, and I was extremely dehydrated. So, when I got home from Mayo, I started getting extremely depressed again. After that I called the doctor at Mayo back, and he told me to get back on the Elavil. What to do? It isn't helping, and I am not going back to Mayo until the 27th of August, due to having to be scheduled for multiple appointments. I am having to see a GYN (for PCOS and possible endometriosis), a neurologist (for migraines), a physical medicine doctor (for my back), a psychiatrist (for depression), and a dietician. I am going crazy, trying to get out of pain, and a lot of times, I just want to give up. Any advice? My parents aren't supporting me emotionally or financially at this time. I am living at home, but am leaving here as soon as I am finished with Mayo, as that is the best opportunity that I have for getting taken care of, and finding out what is wrong.
I am under so much stress. Having a job that due to my physical condition won't allow me to work more than 9 hours a week, yet having to pay my medical bill son my own (although I do have insurance I am still $10,000 in debt) I can't work that little bit, but halfway through my shift I end up crying from pain. I am a prep cook right now, which actually means the person who cleans up behind everyone else. My job is to clean out the refrigerators, wash the bottoms out, sweep and mop, and clean the grills. That is pretty much all I do. I was bussing tables, but the owner decided he wanted to be able to keep an eye on me, after I started passing out and such. I just don't understand what is going on. And then, I have to take a semester off o fcollege next semester. That is hitting me pretty hard, as I am a junior, and the only place I have ever felt that I had stability and people who cared was when I was there. I go to a Christian college, and the support there is amazing, but as I am pretty much failing classes due to my health, and always missing classes for doctors appointments and such, I had to take a semester off. I will be turning 21 next Wednesday. The only thing that is good right now, is that I didn't have to have the two surgeries to remove my kidney stones this week and next (one side at a time). I am full of stones, but the doctor said that they are not what is causing the pain. I have no idea what is. That is part of the depression. Having not known what is causing the pain, and doctors all arguing over what is, and my urologist said that he wanted to do teh surgeries just to prove the pain management specialist wrong. Ummm...I am not the human guinea pig, just so you know!! I feel kind of hopeless.
Sorry for the long post, and me just venting, but I am just so overwhelmed with life, and where I am headed. Please help!!
Re: Getting more depressed, and not knowing what to do
Thanks Carolyn! Thanks for the reassurance. I am just so fed up with all that is going on, and having to wait almost another month before I have any answers. I know they want me back on Cymbalta for the depression. I have a question. If the depression is pretty much just stemming from all of the physical things, and it isn't a chemical imbalance in the brain, than are teh pills really going to help? I am going to have to ask teh psychiatrist when I see him/her in a few weeks. I am tired of feeling like this!!
Re: Getting more depressed, and not knowing what to do
Have you talked to your doctor about the depression contributing to some of your pain and discomfort. Depression can, and usually does cause physical pain as well.
Re: Getting more depressed, and not knowing what to do
I haven't. the doctors at Mayo said that since my pain started before the depression, it is most likely from something wrong with my back. I have a feeling that the pain is somewhat bringing on teh depression, that and the fact that my homelife isn't the greatest. When the pain started, I was in school, but then I came home. Not getting any better. Last night was rough. Had a really bad dizzy spell, and my doctor from Mayo told me to go to ER. My mom refused to take me. He told me to call an ambulance. That would have made her worse. Still have a splitting headache. Going to drive to the doctors office down the road, and hope that they can do SOMETHING! I don't even know at this point what to do. I just want all of the problems to end!!
Re: Getting more depressed, and not knowing what to do
Hello Bananarama,
I thought there aren't people around anymore who can really put up with that much! You must really be special. My heart goes out to you.
Apart from doctors and medicines which play a major role in our health there is one other major source of help and healing...
Have you tried praying my friend?I only dare ask you this because you have already mentioned that you go to a Christian College. And I only dare speak of this because I cannot keep for myself a treasure which I have found...or which actually has found me...
I have found that at times of extreme emotional and physical pain, when there is absolutley no one to understand me, let alone help me, I just go down on my knees in front of His icon and just scream at Him and DEMAND His help. And I cry and wimper and wail and howl and do all the things that one does when one is feeling absolutely abondoned and desperate and HELPLESS.
And you know what? I feel better. It is not just a matter of releasing tension... It is a MATTER of FEELING BETTER BECAUSE OF FEELING HIS PRESENCE. As if He is there, with me. Which He is, because He is God, but it is more like feeling His arms around me, feeling like a little kid in His arms. And I feel calm and in less pain and more in control. But most of all I regain HOPE.
You do not have to know Him or believe in Him in order to start a relationship with Him. You only have to approach Him trustingly like a little baby approaches someone whom he would like to get to know better. And have faith that he will come to you and you will absolutely know He has come to you.... Please believe me. He has found me before I found Him and all I have to do is just turn my attention to Him before He takes care of me. ...like a true Father does to his child..AND ALL HE WANTS FROM ME IS TO BELIEVE IN IN HIM and TRUST IN HIM.
After all why wouldn't He CARE FOR ME? He has created me and he has shed His blood for me, so that I can freely find Him... And He loves me. AND YOU and EVERY SINGLE PERSON THAT HAS EVER LIVED OR IS GOING TO LIVE on this planet.
Please do not dispair my darling. Just ask Him for His help and have faith that HE WILL GIVE IT to you. He has done to me and will do to everyone who approaches Him.
Hang in here. We care for you ...GOD BLESS YOU
Re: Getting more depressed, and not knowing what to do
Thank you so much!! Yes, I have gone to God with so many prayers! It does help, feeling His persence in my life. He is so amazing, and has blessed me with so much, and i know that suffering is for a reason, which is one reason that I keep pressing on. So many times I have almost given up, but then I think of Christ, and all He went thorugh, and what I am going thorugh is nothing compared to that. I just have to have faith that He is going to keep me. Thank you so much for reminding me once again of the love of God, and His healing nature.
I am so glad to have found another true Christian friend. I am thankful for you. Thanks!!
God Bless,
Daisy
Re: Getting more depressed, and not knowing what to do
My eyes misted over with your reply Daisy!
That is why, while you are suffering so much, you are still hanging on. You have found the Answer and the Way yourself.
I am very proud of you.
God be with you always.
ps.
I must confess that when I felt the urge to talk about Him, I felt hesitant because this is not a forum to force ones ideas on anyone, nor am I this kind of person, but my heart went out to you, and I sort of blurt it out!!!!. Now we both know why....!
Re: Getting more depressed, and not knowing what to do
Thanks! I appreciate it. You are such a sweetheart. I am glad that you reminded me of the One who is always there, because sometimes it is oh so easy to forget, and now I have a reminder that He is always near. I appreciate that. That is the best medicine for depression, but sometimes I just need reminders. Thanks!
Getting more depressed, and not knowing what to do 
My heart goes out to you.
