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Old 08-04-2007, 10:05 AM   #1
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Join Date: Sep 2006
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woody31 HB User
need advice

I thought id post on here as ive nowhere else to turn to right now.Ive suffered on and off with depression since my teens and just when i think my lifes back on track it goes wrong again. im a single mum of one boy (11), he still sees his dad regularly and is on holiday right now.I have had many jobs currently working in a nursing home but before that i worked with adults with learning difficulties, but had to finish due to my depression. I tried to claim income support after finishing but due to the amount of maintenance i got £250 per month, they would not pay anything (i got the first job i could,re nursing home) just to pay the bills.It was not my ideal job and i found it hard even though is part time i found myself constantly anxious and dreading going in.However i decided to stick with it and look for something else, i was due to do a long shift today (12hrs) even though i had asked not to be given them as ive also been having pain in my left leg causing insomnia and generally worse after a long day...anyhow i didnt go in, i rung to let them know and spent the rest of the day worrying, crying and generally not knowing what the hell im doing? i need this job, i will probably have lost it now as i know ive let people down in not showing up...i have noone to talk to about this, im taking antidepressants (sertraline 100mg) and still waiting for a psychologist referral....i havent been to the dr in ages and im not sure getting a sick note is what i need...my employer is aware that im taking antidepressants but i said my absence was due to my leg...how can i explain it over the phone? they will think im completely incapable and probably quite mad... my next shift isnt for a few days but i am dreading going in, sorry so long i just needed to reach out a bit. I am feeling quite useless at the moment and do not know how im ever going to have a half decent life. any advice would be great...thanks for reading

 
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Old 08-04-2007, 07:14 PM   #2
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Puyallup, Wa. USA
Posts: 81
SOPHIABELLA HB User
Re: need advice

[B][/BDear UK mum, dont despair too much sweetie. I was the owner/boss of a business for 17 years. An employer knows when someone is just calling in to take the day off. If I were in your shoes, (because I know that waiting until the day you return to work is making you miserable and feel guilty) I would call my boss and tell him or her that you are feeling better now, and even though you are not scheduled to come in for a while, let them know that you are available in a pinch if they need you any sooner. This is always what a boss wants to hear. It makes you sound more like someone they can count on than not. Then, if you dont get a call to come in, in the mean time you can rest easy as you have done all you were physically able to do to be a good employee. I don't know how many times you have called in, but if it is only a few times, you should be okay. As far as your boss knowing that you are on anti-depressant, that shouldnt make any difference. So many people are on them these days, ie.,doctors, judges, maybe even your boss! People are not judged as they used to be. Let me know how it goes, dont worry, you are not alone! Kari ]

 
Old 08-05-2007, 06:34 AM   #3
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thaliak HB Userthaliak HB Userthaliak HB Userthaliak HB Userthaliak HB Userthaliak HB User
Re: need advice

Hi Woody!
I would heed Sophiabella's advice and call my boss to explain, as she suggests. She knows better. And an apology is always welcome if it is sincere.
I just want to let you know that we all hear loud and clear what you are saying and that we are here to offer a sympathetic shoulder to cry on , even on line...So you are doing good to write and vent.
Do not feel guilty about feeling fairly desperate at the moment. We all do, most of the time, but as you can see we survive, until of course next time and then so on and so forth. You of course are to be congratulated because, although you are not married ,you have the courage to bring up you son alone, and this is a great achievement and something entirely opposite to the label you have given yourself as " useless".
Personally I do not know a single "useless" person who is unmarried with a child, struggles to make ends meet, preserves a good relationship with the father of the child and has the courage to admit to not feeling very good and doing something about it, like taking the proper medicine and wanting to change things by waiting to see a psychologist.
So, do not put yourself down by thinking negative thoughts and giving yourself self degrating labels, which you are most probably repeating from others in the past, and which ,therefore , are not the result of your own mature judgement about yourself.
Hang in there Woody.We are all together in this Tomorrow is another day.

 
Old 08-05-2007, 08:36 AM   #4
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Join Date: Sep 2006
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woody31 HB User
Re: need advice

Thank you so much for your replies, it has helped more than you know. I know that my boss will probably think that but the trouble is i am not that sort of person who lets people down without a second thought, i spent the whole weekend almost a total recluse and feel ive let myself down again. is not the first job ive screwed up because of depression, and i feel im letting my son down again. He is the most precious thing in the world to me and he deserves so much more. His dad recently got married and have just bought a house (he indicated they were going to start their own family) and although im pleased for him i cant help feeling second best and so wish i could have that. I ended a relationship two months ago, as he was extremely posessive and was constantly accused of cheating even though i did nothing..i just feel so alone and sad thats all. I would like a different job but there is not much around at the moment so i know ill probably have to stick with it. I feel i want to be honest with my boss and tell them how bad i was feeling but then i run the risk of them thinking im not fit for work. I will go to the dr tomorrow and se if anything can be done as i dont want my life to be like this anymore.
I have a few friends but they are all in relationships and barely include me in their plans anymore.
My family dont really understand depression, and my mother has the 'get on with it ' attitude so cant talk to her about it.
Has anyone else had similar experiences would love to hear from anyone. Thanks again, this site is invaluable. woody x

 
Old 08-05-2007, 04:28 PM   #5
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Puyallup, Wa. USA
Posts: 81
SOPHIABELLA HB User
Re: need advice

Dearest Woody, I whole heartedly agree with what thalik said except the apology part. If you tell your boss you are sorry, they will think, why? She had a ligitamite reason for calling in didnt she? See what I mean. As far as you being worthless, I have to say, you are certainly NOT!! I divorced my piece of crap abusive husband and stayed single for 5 years before I started to date again. It was a wonderful time for my daughter and myself. We did everything together. I was the neighborhood mom, and always had a ton of kids in my home. My daughter and I traveled the world just her and I since she was 8 months old. To this day, she cherishes those years that she had mommy to herself. The travel was free due to my job, so I was lucky. Sometimes it was less expensive to go on vacation than it was to stay home, with all the free meals and all. None of the fact that we were tight with money ever bothered my daughter at that time, we had eachother and that is priceless. Priceless does not mean worthless!!! Value your parenthood until your child grows too old. Stop worring and give yourself a pat on the back, you are doing okay, your heart is in the right place. I think that when our children are born we are guilty from the first cry. We always think we could be a better parent one way or another. We do our best, we are moms and cannot be replaced! I know it hurts that your x has moved on and seems to have found happiness. You dont need a man to be happy, you have your child! Hang in there, we are all here for you!......take care...Kari

 
Old 08-10-2007, 02:24 AM   #6
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Puyallup, Wa. USA
Posts: 81
SOPHIABELLA HB User
Re: need advice

Dear Woody,
I have been thinking about you for the past few days, and I was wondering how you were doing? Did you talk to your boss?.....I am here if you need me okay! .....Hugs, Kari

 
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