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Old 08-05-2007, 02:12 PM   #1
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Just turned 19...

I had a good time for it but now I feel bad. The problem: life. For a start I don't know what im going to do in life, I have no plans to go to university and my grades werent the best in school, for now I just plan on finding full time work while maybe re-taking 1 or 2 subjects in evening classes. Most of my friends are going away to university after the summer leaving me by myself in our home time, its miserable that everyone is gonna leave plus this summer hasnt been too great either, nothing much has been going on and I hoped it to be the best summer. The other problem is girls, ive turned 19 and never had a girlfriend or had sex and it feels like its going to stay that way, ever since I was 15 ive been seriously trying but it just doesnt work while other people seem to manage. I guess I am not too good looking so thats probably the main reason why as good looking guys have a good chance of girls coming up to them anyway. I just feel all pressured and stressed and I feel like my life is going to turn into failure. Anyone have any advice?

 
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Old 08-05-2007, 04:06 PM   #2
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SOPHIABELLA HB User
Re: Just turned 19...

Yes you are young, but I know that this is a VERY typical thing at your age to be worring about. Can you at least get yourself into a community college? The first 2 years of college are just an extension of highschool anyway, with no major decisions to be made for at least 2 years. Even if you took a few classes, you could put on your future resumes that you have had "some college" which is better than no college. I too have dated a lot of good looking guys, but most of them care mostly about themselves and they are spoiled by their looks. Women after a while stop looking for that "stud" and want a man that is caring and attentive. So dont worry, hang in there, the women will come, dont give up! In the mean time be constructive to make yourself feel better. It is too hard to figure out what you want to do for the rest of your life at your age. As for the future, your 20's, women look for men who will be stable and have some money. Looks wont at all matter. I hope I have helped you a little. Hang in there and take care!...

 
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Old 08-05-2007, 08:36 PM   #3
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Re: Just turned 19...

Hi Jimmy,
I'm sure you were expecting that people here would tell you, that you're too young to worry so much. It is true, you're young, but never too young to be anxious about life.
Let me ask you - do you "want" to go to university? If you do, then you should go. If you dont, then you shouldnt. I personally did not go to college or university and jobwise am doing just fine. I think college or university is great, if you have some specific career goals, but if not, and you have somthing in mind, then there is no crime in that. You do what makes you happy in life....
If you find a job, this will be a great way to make new friends. Sadly Jimmy...alot of people lose touch after highschool..its very natural as people choose different paths in life.....so be prepared to lose contact with a few people, that's just the way it goes, I've experienced that myself. In turn, you will find new friends....and those new friends will open up new doors for you.
Girls...well....relationships are a mystery for every single one of us. And everyone goes through a time where they feel awkward in that regard. Some people get over it quicker than others. I'm sure you look perfectly fine...but I know its tough in this world of "attraction".....not all of us are "wonderfully good looking"....and so you know what? That's where "you" come in. I've seen many good looking guys who either a) got less good looking by the second once they opened their mouths or b) got even better looking than they were, because they actually were really nice on top of being attractive.
Girls are no different than guys Jimmy....sure they go for looks first...but it's really after that about getting to know someone and feeling comfortable, laughing, and just being able to be yourself with that person. Sometimes Jimmy that attraction comes later then, rather than at the beginning like with most typical relationships. Dont be so hard on yourself, just take some time, and consider what you'd like to do with this life that's ahead of you....and then go after it. Once you choose something, things will start falling into place. Then you can let life "happen to you", rather than continue to worry about not fitting into it......

Best of luck, come back anytime you feel like talking.

Carsam

 
Old 08-06-2007, 07:27 AM   #4
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Re: Just turned 19...

To be honest, the only reason I would want to go to uni is to meet new cool people, girls and get involved on all the wild partys people talk about as opposed to studying. So I dont think its right for me if I think that, I feel like im missing out a bit though.

 
Old 08-06-2007, 01:07 PM   #5
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Re: Just turned 19...

I would definately say I was shy and can lack confidence/feel embaressed over things. I am very out going though, love going out and socialising with friends.

 
Old 08-06-2007, 01:17 PM   #6
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Roche87 HB User
Re: Just turned 19...

Im almost twenty...

I feel the same way though. Except maybe a bit worse at times. The past year of my life has been bad. Yeah I know what it is like. There seems to be a lot of pressure. Ive been having a rough time of it the past couple of years. Since I was sixteen. Ive been depressed for such a long while. It gets really intense for me after christmas. (Ussually, not always). I have SAD. Also generally I don't feel very good or positive. But way I know what you mean, there seems to be so much pressure on young people to do this or that.

Im also not going to college. I don't know what I want either. That can seem tough sometimes.

I've been through the worst year of my life. First year out of high school as well. Its been terrible. Haven't tried to commit suicide. Did cut myself though. Not good at all.

I don't have any friends really. Im terrible with people. Everyone seems to be moving so fast sometimes.

When February came around I really hit the wall. That is when it went from bad to worse for me. Im still trying to recover from all that. Still don't feel completly like myself.

My dad, I remember he was still going to school when I was young. Real young. Still, he was in his thirties. He makes a good living.

You shouldn't put pressure on yourself over nothing at all.

Things probably aren't as bad as they may seem for you.

I really need to take this advice myself now too.

Take care.

 
Old 08-06-2007, 03:11 PM   #7
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Re: Just turned 19...

I like going to clubs and bars, I guess I just get nervy with people I don't know well enough yet, especially attractive girls that I first meet, worried that they will not find my looks attractive and such and such. I was sorta the outcast in school, never had a whole lotta friends although ive got a lot more friends who I know out of school nowadays. I guess im used to being made fun of and put down that I worry that the person/s are going to be the same I guess. I guess the lack of confidence would be due to past experiences like that.

 
Old 08-06-2007, 05:56 PM   #8
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Re: Just turned 19...

Quote:
Originally Posted by carsam View Post
Hi Jimmy,
I've seen many good looking guys who either a) got less good looking by the second once they opened their mouths or b) got even better looking than they were, because they actually were really nice on top of being attractive.
Carsam
Carsam, I hear you!!!

Jimmy, if you need to take some time to figure out what to do, that's ok. After high school I had a hard time figuring it out but went to university anyway. I tried university twice and quit both times because I decided I didn't like what I was doing. I also went to business school. It took me 20 years to pay off all those student loans.

Try not to worry so hard about what girls think. A lot of them are probably having a hard time finding themselves, just like you. It's a difficult age and to expect to make a problem free transition from teenager to adult is unrealistic. You have lots of time, there's no hurry!

 
Old 08-07-2007, 06:49 AM   #9
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Re: Just turned 19...

I don't know why they didnt like me, I guess because I didnt have their good looking ''jock look'' or something. I dont know, they just didnt like me...

 
Old 08-07-2007, 08:30 PM   #10
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Roche87 HB User
Re: Just turned 19...

yeah, I know when Ive talked to girls I really don't know what the f they is going with them really.

I don't get really.

 
Old 08-08-2007, 11:20 AM   #11
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Re: Just turned 19...

You know I was thinking, maybe your problem is all related with social anxiety. That is what I am diagnosed with, of coarse that all fits with depression too.

anti-depressants can help with that too(though from experience I don't know how much).

I don't know if you really need medication.

I know I need it. For depression though. My mind could go to **** if I don't take my zoloft. Its been helping me a lot recently. Since my big fall back in February.

The doctor's tell me it is supposed to help with social anxiety though I would question how good it is in that area.

 
Old 08-08-2007, 04:34 PM   #12
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Re: Just turned 19...

I think my main problem is I worry too much, but I can't help it at this stage. I feel like im missing out not going to uni and stuck in the same town with everyone else leaving, its just a really hard time for me right now because I really don't know what to do. I really hope things just fall into place...

 
Old 08-08-2007, 05:26 PM   #13
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Re: Just turned 19...

Like Ive been saying I can really relate to you. Though I don't know if you've been as low as Ive been. I don't want to prattle on over myself. This is about you after all.

I can understand that, that is very common among a lot of people in our age group.

I mean naturally, its not the easiest transition, I mean you've been going to school each day(aside from, Summer, holidays, weekends and the odd sick or snow day type thing).

Its a big transition.

My dad like I already said, he was like 34 when he got all settled away(job wise) in life.

Im just wondering do you get any pressure from family/friends maybe?

Like Ive been saying, I don't think you need medication for it. Don't know because Im not you. I don't know if things are that bad.

Its like you've been thrown out of an airplane and can't find the rip cord for your parachute. Almost. The airplane being much, much smaller then the world around you. Its like you've been thrown into the world. You don't know what to do. You panic now and then.

 
Old 08-20-2007, 07:30 AM   #14
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Re: Just turned 19...

Yeah Roche I understand what your saying. Its like summers nearly over, I still dont know what I want to do, I didnt do really well in high school either. I did 3 years on a music course and at least passed that, but I dont know if I want to do a higher course in that because music is such a risky business to get into as you will probably know. I really feel pressured at my friends who are a year younger than me are already moving out of their houses to go to university and things and I am still sat at home were I feel most comftable. I feel worried that I havent had a girlfriend yet at 19 and it seems its going to stay that way because it just doesnt seem to work... I probably could do with a nice girl, one who would understand and care about me, I ain't just out to get ''laid''. As the summer comes near to a close I feel anxiety and just feel like a loser...

Last edited by jimmyeth; 08-20-2007 at 07:38 AM.

 
Old 08-20-2007, 11:10 PM   #15
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Re: Just turned 19...

I know what you mean, Ive just turned 20 a few days ago.

My sister who is 17 has had her drivers license for at least a year(Well roughly).

I haven't even gotten my permit yet. Im going for it, or planning to this week.

I felt like total sh-t over all this too.

Well, yeah, it seems like everyone else is moving so bloody fast and your just standing still.

Im like in the same sort of point in my life that you are virtually.

I can relate but its not like I can solve all of this either. I mean, hey Im still trying to figure it all out myself.

Maybe things aren't quite as hard as you think. Maybe you just have everything built up in your head. Same for me. And the longer you don't take action the harder it gets. And something like that last sentence, Huge anxiety.

The longer you haven't done something makes it seem harder then it is.

Like your trying to move some mountain.

 
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