I'm sorry if maybe I shouldnt have started this thread....I wont push it any further if it makes you uncomfortable, okay?
I read through your messages...and I hear the pain you are going through. I can not begin to imagine it, but I can hear it. I am so very sorry about this woman....who has obviously hurt you.
I wish so much that you could get proper help T with these meds....that you could have a doctor that could properly treat you for this. I asked you before if you would be able to get to T.O for a doctor, I'm not sure if you responded. Is that a possibility? Someone in the medical profession has to listen, you are going through so much.
I have to say when I read your posts, and I know I dont know you very well....but your pain sounds very intense the way you describe it. But you know what? As intense as it is, it does not compare to the love you have for your son. Because that jumps out at me as the biggest thing when I think about you, not your health issues. I can only imagine the pain you're in, with the nightmares, the razor, the voices.....so T, for you to put that "on hold" for the times you visit with your son....tells me that love is stronger, stronger than these pains. When you're with him, you can manage. I know it's all pent up inside, but you still do it. That means there's hope I think to say that if you had a damn good doctor, and were on the right meds, maybe you could get this under control. Geez, you deserve some damn peace in your life. And truly.....when it comes to your son....my god, as an adult, if he ever knew what his father went through in life when he was a child, just to be there for him, and to ensure he had his daddy, my goodness T, you can not get a greater love than that. I know you have these issues, that hopefully one day will find an answer for, but you have one of the greatest loves for your child I've ever seen.
I just wanted to say that......there is more than just your pain....remember that "you" are in there, fighting through it, that part that wants to be there for your son, that is "you"....and you deserve better than this. Please keep posting here, you need someone to talk to.....as much as any of us do, okay?
I'm sorry if I said anything to upset you....but I'm sure anyone here that reads your posts regularly would say the same thing! You are a good man T!!!! You deserve better than this!!!