Willow, Just wanted to let you know that your post was a great comfort to me!! Especially since the first couple of days here in Florida were really uncomfortable. I felt down, low energy, my sister was looking at me wondering if I was having a good time, then I felt pressured. Depression seems to run the show. A couple of days later I'm feeling much better and greatly relieved because my sis & bro-in-law have been showing me all around. I feel like I can now breathe.
I'm wondering if anyone else has had difficulty while vacationing. I don't have much experience with this past time because usually I would use all of my vacation time for sick time and end up going nowhere.
Last edited by positivity17; 08-08-2007 at 12:34 PM.
Reason: another thought!
Re: Mycatwillow & anyone else that wants to chat!!!!
Glad I could help. When you're not used to being away and you're out of your routine do you feel out of sorts? I do, although not as bad as you might think. Not having a routine to fall back on is difficult, but usually I have no problem going away, although most of my trips haven't been major in that most times I'm with other friends. It may be different if I left the continent or went somewhere really exotic where the culture is really different.
Re: Mycatwillow & anyone else that wants to chat!!!!
Pos, I have trouble with vacation! Every year I waste my earned vacation time (it doesn't roll over and we're not paid for unused time). If I spend too much time off from work I get really depressed and feel useless. Sometimes I have to go out of state for work, and I usually take a few extra days to explore. In these cases my husband comes with me and we make it a mini vacation. These trips are OK, but before them I get really anxious and depressed. Being thrown off my routine upsets me. I had to go to Miami last year alone for work. I wouldn't have made it without my Ativan!
Re: Mycatwillow & anyone else that wants to chat!!!!
Quote:
Originally Posted by mycatwillow
Glad I could help. When you're not used to being away and you're out of your routine do you feel out of sorts?
Extremely so, in fact, since I arrived at my sister's my whole schedule is off and I definitely need a routine which is something that I really live by on the normal day to day. My sis laughed at me when I told her that my bedtime is between 11 & 12 -- (with the exception of my manic times like right now where the hour is near 3am). But for me it goes a little deeper, when I'm not in my own surroundings I don't feel grounded, it's very uncomfortable to me. I take comfort in the small things like my orange blanket, watering my plants, using a certain oversized mug for my tea, having all of my clothes and necessities at hand, sitting on my porch and looking at my sunflowers grow, hearing the drunks talking loudly in the street at night (I do live in an Irish enclave!), having people ring my doorbell...etc. I'm afraid that I'm getting too set in my ways, that can't be a good thing but I thrive on familiarity.
Do you ever feel awkward with your friends while on vacation?
Re: Mycatwillow & anyone else that wants to chat!!!!
Quote:
Originally Posted by MariaBB
Pos, I have trouble with vacation! .....but before them I get really anxious and depressed.
Do you know what causes you to get anxious and depressed, is it the up and coming change in scenery?? BTW, it's nice to know that I'm not alone on this one. My biggest problem with traveling is getting my *** on the plane even though once I do it I'm fine. But beforehand I'm always full of excruciating fear, I've missed flights and mini-vacations over the years b/c of this!!
Re: Mycatwillow & anyone else that wants to chat!!!!
My problem is that I feel sort of worthless and purpose-less without my job. (I live a sad life, I know!) When I'm not working I tend to feel like I have no reason to be alive. I go for a couple of days, but give me a whole week and I'm lost! As far as the traveling goes, I just get really nervous and a bit angry that my routine is thrown off. I feel so comfortable in my "safety zone" that anything outside of it feels like a threat.
Re: Mycatwillow & anyone else that wants to chat!!!!
Positivity, it's the small things, that's it exactly. Even with something as simple as having a shower and doing my hair, it makes me anxious because all my things aren't in the right place and I have to search through my bags for a brush or hairspray, etc. I feel so unorganized.
I do sometimes feel awkward with friends while on vacation, depending on the circumstances. If I'm visiting a friend and I'm staying with them I feel like I'm being a nuisance. And if I'm travelling with a friend I might if I go a long time without having any time to myself. At the end of the month a bunch of us are renting some cabins for a weekend and I'll be sharing a cabin with a friend. We'll be socializing for the entire weekend and I might have to sneak off by myself for a bit for a breather.
I also worry about my cat, so leaving is really hard. I'm constantly going back to check the stove and make sure that everything is unplugged and the door is locked and everything. If I didn't have a pet it wouldn't be a big deal, but since she's there it makes me worry. The funny thing is once I'm gone I'm fine because I know there's nothing I can do about it, the problem is getting gone.
Maria, I know what you mean about feeling purpose-less without your job. When I was first put off work I felt so guiltly because I was so unproductive and not a "decent" member of society. But I have no problem taking my vacation time. I earn it so I'm going to take it, even if I have nothing to do.
Re: Mycatwillow & anyone else that wants to chat!!!!
Hi 17!
Sorry that I haven't been on for a while. How is the vacation going? I read your posts... and hope that it is better. I went to my second therepy session today. I didn't cry this time... so its a start. I actually got depressed/anxiety right before I had to come back home from vacation. I did not want to come back to my life. I hope that you have a good weekend, my friend.
Re: Mycatwillow & anyone else that wants to chat!!!!
Quote:
Originally Posted by MariaBB
My problem is that I feel sort of worthless and purpose-less without my job.
I relate to this, when I lost my job I was devestated and felt like I was nothing b/c I identified myself by my job as do most people. Nowadays I've come to grips with not having a job for right now and feel okay about myself. But I can't tell you how many times in conversation people ask what I "do" (jobwise of course) and it's not even that they care what I do, rather it's just something to talk about. Anyway, glad to not be alone in how I feel.....
Re: Mycatwillow & anyone else that wants to chat!!!!
Quote:
Originally Posted by mycatwillow
We'll be socializing for the entire weekend and I might have to sneak off by myself for a bit for a breather.
At least you know yourself well enough to realize that you need down time. After being here for a couple of days I found myself feeling overwhelmed b/c I didn't have enough time alone with my thoughts. When I finally became aware I spent an afternoon alone and it made all the difference in the world. Awareness is key and I'm so glad that I've been handling myself so well, it's amazing how comfortable and relaxed I'm feeling!! In the past I would react to how I was feeling without understanding those feelings and things would end up being awkward. I'm really digging Florida!!
Will you be doing the whole nature/oudoor activities when you rent the cabin? Campfire and hiking??
Last edited by positivity17; 08-11-2007 at 11:39 PM.
Reason: bad grammer
Re: Mycatwillow & anyone else that wants to chat!!!!
Quote:
Originally Posted by alliepie
I went to my second therepy session today. I didn't cry this time... so its a start.
That's great -- I'm very proud of you!! Just realize that it's okay to cry, especially if they're healing tears, hopefully with time you will be more comfortable. I used to sit on the bathroom floor when I did my crying b/c that's what I did growing up, we were definitely not allowed to cry. You know when parents say "Are you crying? I'll give you something to cry about!!" -- that's all I heard so we had to do it on the sneak. Imagine. Does anyone share this experience??
I'm much better about crying anywhere if I need to, lately I feel like crying alot, only it's out of gratitude b/c the depression has lifted for the most part. The first couple of days in Florida I was just going thru the motions and I thought why did I come here?! A couple of days after that I felt like myself again and it was a big relief b/c my sister and bro-in-law were really wanting me to be excited.
I do have to share this with you though: the first day at the beach I got caught in a riptide and it really shook me up, I thought I was going to drown. There was no lifeguard - apparently only certain beaches have them. Since then I only go up to mid-section. Having said that, the beaches here are amazing, I've never seen such blue water before, nor free living dolphins.
Allie, good to hear from you!! Since you hadn't posted in a bit does that mean that you're doing exceptionally well in your day to day? Oh, also curious to know whether you are comfortable with your therapist thus far. Be in touch again!
Re: Mycatwillow & anyone else that wants to chat!!!!
Positivity, I'm glad to hear you're feeling well and having a nice vacation. Something else I do sometimes when I'm going anywhere is anticipate that I'm not going to have a good time and then when I get there and have a good time I'm surprised. I just have to get myself there. Sometimes it's all in my head.
The cabins we will be going to at the end of the month are on the outskirsts of a small town where my friend used to spend her summers. It's a very small town, almost too small to call a town! We'ill be in the cabins which have beds & showers, but they're cold at night so they have space heaters. It's not quite camping but almost. At night we will all converge on one cabin and barbecue and have a few drinks (1 or 2 for me). We go for walks and look at antique shops and that sort of thing. There's also a small lake for canoeing, although I didn't do that last year as it was mostly just the kids who did it.
Re: Mycatwillow & anyone else that wants to chat!!!!
Thanks Willow, this is the best vacation ever!! I'm so relaxed, I thoroughly enjoyed spending time with my sis and bro-in-law, as did I the beach & pool. Usually after 2 weeks with visitors I'm maxed out, not the case here at all, it's been absolutely comfortable and I've had some time on my own so it hasn't been overwhelming not having my space. I visited my friend David and his wife Katie in St. Petersburg which is an hour away from my sisters, I'm thinking it is a place that I could live. It has a touristy area, then a local area with funky cool shops, cafes, eateries and art galleries. There is even an art center where you can take classes and have an exhibition. My friend David is encouraging me to make the move and my sister has already been trying to recruit me. I'd like to visit in the winter and see what it's like. Right now is the worst weather and to be honest, it's not really too bad, I would prefer one month of humid heat over 3 months of winter anyday! Anyway, I'm sort of excited about this prospect.
The place you're going to at the end of the month sounds really nice & cozy. I absolutely love antiques, in fact, I bought 2 antique watches here in Florida. How about you? From what I gather you enjoy nature so this will be a cool trip for you. I hope you have a good time with your friends. Do you make S'mores over the camp fire?
Well tonight is my last night here in Florida, I'll be going to dinner with my sis & her hubby, maybe a couple of their friends. Will end for now, be in touch again, hope all is well on your end!!!
Re: Mycatwillow & anyone else that wants to chat!!!!
You're lucky to be able to spend time about the pool. The summer here has not been good at all. We've only had a good spread of decent weather the last few weeks. Before that it's been fog & rain. I've been by the pool only a couple of times. I'm not a great swimmer, but I at least like to get in the water. Anyway, around here a bad summer usually means a good fall. Fall is actually my favorite time of year.
I'm not much for antiques, although I do like to look at old things. I like to think about the history of it. Last year we saw a suit of armour that my friend bought for her husband for Christmas. It was funny because we had to load it into the car and take it back to the cabins and transfer it to her father's car so he could take it home with him to hide it until Christmas. We put it in his car and covered it with a blanket and kept it hidden. We somehow pulled it off, and now it's sitting next the the bar at their house.
I sometimes wish I lived in a warmer climate too. I guess it would be as cold in New York as it gets here. Actually the winter was warmer than normal until late January, then it got so cold it felt like hell had actually frozen over.
I hope you're last night in Florida was a good one.
Re: Mycatwillow & anyone else that wants to chat!!!!
Willow, for the first time in my life I know what it's like to return from a vacation, feel content and look it too!! I've always heard and seen others experience this and had no understanding, I'm absolutely amazed. Not sure if you know that a lot of Canadians flock to Florida, apparently they escape your brutal winters and are called "snowbirds". My sis was telling me that her area is quiet now but during winter months it's bustling with all of the snowbirds from everywhere. She's surrounded by very old people who drive horribly and almost cause accidents (AND they're all white). My friend David lives in an area where the average age is late 30's and it's flavorful (mixed nationalities).
I spent 10 years in Northern California where the weather was mild with one whole month of continuous rain, which I love. Since being back in New York I just can't take the cold anymore, I'm the most miserable person from December to March, eating myself to comfort, never wanting to go out, it's a dismal existance, add depression to that, we're talking suicidal tendencies! I've thought about moving back to Cali but it never did feel like home to me, the people were just so foreign, maybe Florida can be different.
You didn't answer my question--do you makes S'mores over the campfire?
By the way, are you still feeling much better than you were months ago?
Re: Mycatwillow & anyone else that wants to chat!!!!
Yes I know about the snowbirds. I know of a couple from from here actually. I sometimes wish I could be one. I love the city where I live, but the winters can be so cold. I sometimes don't spend any time outside, except to get from point A to point B. But I don't like super hot weather either, which is why I like the fall so much. The spring weather around here usually sucks, mostly fog and rain. I spent a year in Vancouver and the weather was nicer. They still have winter weather and it snows occasionly, but it's much milder overall. Although they do have a lot of rain also. It's not good for the hair! There are a lot of mixed nationalities there as well. A lot of Asian people immigrate to Vancouver, as well as people from the Middle East. When I lived there I shared a house with some friends and there were only two white households on our street, including ours. I liked it, it was a different atmosphere from here.
How long have you been back in New York? Now that you're feeling better you must be dreading the coming winter. Are there any activities you can get involved in to distract you from the weather? I guess my depression gets worse in the winter because of the lack of sunlight. I like hockey so I used to go to as many hockey games as I could, but I got bored of it. I still like hockey but you can always have too much of a good thing. Are you seriously considering moving to Florida? I'm glad you had such a nice vacation.
I'm definitely feeling much better than a couple of months ago, since back then I definitely wanted to go to sleep and never wake up again. It was horrible, the worst I've ever felt in my life. If only I didn't wait so long to ask for help, but I was still in denial. Now in comparison I feel great. I still have bad times though. Like last night I saw a friend from Vancouver who's here for a visit, and I saw some of her family who live here. I only see these people about once a year. I kept worrying about what they were thinking about me, thinking they were better than me. The last time I saw them I was really depressed so maybe seeing them again triggered it. I almost didn't want to go, but I thought that it would give me some experience with a difficult situation. I was really stressed about it but once it was over I got over it fairly quickly where before I would have stressed about it for hours after the fact, worrying about everything I said or did.
As for s'mores, we don't make them, but we toast marshmallows. By the end of the month it will be pretty cool at night so I'm sure there will be a fire going.
Re: Mycatwillow & anyone else that wants to chat!!!!
Hey Willow, Hope you're having a relaxing weekend! I spent the last day & 1/2 in New Jersey, my friend had access to a lake house and my sis & her hubby and myself had some quality time together. Well my friend, who I used to babysit as a little boy, has a lot of contacts in his gay circle and he did everything for us, cooking, cleaning, bringing us drinks on a tray, changing sheets, he's an outrageous host altogether! It felt like a whole weekend instead of overnight and the place was amazing, I was the only one with the balls to swim in the lake, it was a bit murky as they tend to be, I think. It's nice to be part of the world again, partaking in activities.
I've been back in New York a little over 10 years, I cannot believe how many winters I've survived so far, it's the cold mostly that bothers me but the sunlight is a huge factor as well. For the last 2 years I've been wanting to buy a sunlamp and just when I was ready to make a purchase last year a guy I know told me that only a small percentage of them really work. Since he was in the field of healing arts I took his advice seriously and got jammed up with trying to figure out which one to get. This year I resolve to follow thru with this, I know at least 2 others who would benefit from it as well, one being my younger sister. Do you know anything about this? As for Florida, I plan to go back in January and spend some time with my friend in St. Petersburg, get a feel for the town, rub shoulders with the people, it's a definite possibility. While I was there I met a really fine Dominican guy who I will e-mail to get some info about the place; he being a transplant was giving me the lowdown, he's also an artist.
A few weeks back I went to the gym a couple of times with my buddy and it was comfortable, Monday I will join myself and commit to getting in better shape. I have already been firming up with the 4 mile walks taken since April, I'm looking pretty good in a bikini even if I have some thigh action goin on, a definite improvement since the beginning of the year! Luckily I am 6 feet tall so I can carry some extra weight, my body is thirsting for exercise and I just bought a new pair of runners. I'm ready! This will be my distraction come winter time and hopefully my friend can be my work out partner. Also, this week I resolve to go to yoga at least once.
What you said about worrying what others think of you, I can definitely relate. Sometimes I feel like people have figured out how to live their life while I'm in the dark, not cool at all. It has gotten better for me lately as well but sometimes being around people causes me extreme anxiety, I'm trying to lose the stigma of "mental illness" so that I don't have to feel less than. I, too, feel much better than I did, however, there is still a part of me that mistrusts this, I also find it overwhelming that my thinking & behaviors are holding me back from living normally. I know there is an issue that needs to be dealt with and I'm still fighting it, until it is resolved I'm stuck. I'm very happy to hear that you're feeling good and it's great that you were able to deal with what could have been a distressful situation. I guess if the bad times don't last too long they are more bearable and it seems that your mindset is pretty positive. The endless worrying can be so draining, when it lessens it's hold the freedom is incredible, isn't it?
As for the s'mores, I got slagged pretty badly by the guys I last went camping with, not to mention that there were those that never heard of them, so I was curious to see if you had. If there's a fire it's a must, s'mores are a tradition, I don't care who makes fun of me. Be in touch again!!
Re: Mycatwillow & anyone else that wants to chat!!!!
Ok, so from the other thread you asked me what colour my cat is. She's a tabby, brown with black stripes. She has a white patch on her chin. She's a medium haired cat with an abnormally long, fluffy tail. Even the vet commented on her tail. I love having a cat, but I do need to find someone to look after her while I'm away. When I go away for the weekend at the end of the month my mother is going to drop in on her.
So you mentioned art, and I think you did once before, but I can't remember what kind of art. Do you paint? And on an unrelated matter, I see you are still seeing that guy. Have you known him long?
My weekend wasn't anything spectacular. I went out for my friend's 45th birthday, or as she likes to put it "I'm forty-f***ing five!". We had dinner and drinks then we hit a couple of bars. We were home fairly early because neither one of us likes bar hopping much. I don't really drink. My maximum is usually 2. Getting tipsy is not worth feeling icky & tired for 3 or 4 days afterwards. I can't handle my alcohol. I'm sure it has something to do with all the drugs I'm on. On Sunday I took it easy because I wanted my last day before going back to work to be quiet.
I'm giving up my gym membership. I actually don't need a membership because I have a stair climber and some equipment here, plus there's a small fitness room in my apartment building. I actually like working out at home, but sometimes I get bored then I join a gym for awhile. I'll probably go back at some point. Besides, I want to start going to a real yoga studio instead of yoga at the gym. I think it will be a whole different atmosphere. I also found a great website that has free yoga videos online and they're of a very high quality and the teachers in them are very good. It's too bad we aren't allowed to post website information.
You asked about sunlamps. I really don't know much about them, but I would be interested in finding out because I hate not getting sun in the winter. I think I'll ask my doctor what she thinks of them when I see her next week. I haven't seen her since July 31 because she's been on vacation, but I've been doing really well so that's ok. I figure she'll want to see me every six weeks or so in the short term. After that I don't know. If you find out any usefull information on sunlamps let me know and I'll do the same. I wonder if anyone else here has any experience with them?
QUOTE] I feel like people have figured out how to live their life while I'm in the dark, not cool at all QUOTE]
That is an excellent way to put it. When I do feel good I sometimes wonder if it's the same good non-depressed people feel, or if it's different in some way? I guess there's no way to really know that.
That's it for now. I have a sink full of dirty dishes. I have a really bad habit of leaving my dishes for a couple of days. I should really stop.
Re: Mycatwillow & anyone else that wants to chat!!!!
By the way I haven't been on the board as much. I always check this post, but lately it just seems like I haven't had the time to look at all the others. I'm going to try to be around a bit more.
When you're not used to being away and you're out of your routine do you feel out of sorts? I do, although not as bad as you might think. Not having a routine to fall back on is difficult, but usually I have no problem going away, although most of my trips haven't been major in that most times I'm with other friends. It may be different if I left the continent or went somewhere really exotic where the culture is really different.
