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Old 08-11-2007, 08:12 PM   #1
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dazedandconfused10 HB User
Unhappy My situation and now a death

I've been battling depression on and off since about 20. I've years of no issues but evers since ppd and the wedge it drove between my husband and I I don't feel I've ever been "myself". Alot of it is the constant feelling of disapprovement coming from my husband and I'm sure some of it I make up and other is real but its so much like how I was treated growing up. I have a beautiful child but at times I just need a break. I have a decent but demanding job. Sometimes the best part of my day occurs when I do soemthing well at work.
Then 2 weeks ago my mother died very suddenly. Now she was elderly and ill but did not die of the chronic illness, her heart just gave out. I had an upcoming visit planned so it kind of freaked me out that I would never see her again. My memories of childhood are mixed some pleasant, much of it I felt I never lived up to their expectations. But she was my mom and its just so final, I'm finding my patience runs thin very quickly, I'm annoyed at the lack of compassion from my husband. Things have been tense for years. I'm not feeling like I can't take it but I do feel like I just need a break from the world. Its even hard to let my guard down and cry. And my husband has already told me he does not think I'm a fit mother because of depression even though I go for regular counseling and take meds. He thinks the meds are the worst thing in this world. I've visited with some friends here and there but after being home for a few hours I just find myself sadder and sadder. And to make it all more fun I live with chronic pain from an auto accident 19 years ago which is a hard concept for many people cause I look okay but its there and its annoying !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm just feeling so alone. Perhaps its a normal part of grieving but I feel so very alone.......

 
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Old 08-12-2007, 08:04 AM   #2
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dazedandconfused10 HB User
Re: My situation and now a death

Anyone lose a parent?

 
Old 08-12-2007, 05:24 PM   #3
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Re: My situation and now a death

I am sorry about the death of your mum. I know how you feel. My dad died when I was 9, I am now 21. It didn't affect me as much back then, I suppose it somehow had an impact on me as a child, which I wasn't aware of... all of these feelings have come back recently. maybe it's a "pay back time".

I dont know what else to say, but one thing for surw, you are not alone and I am sorry....

Take care.

ExTra

 
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