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Old 08-13-2007, 03:09 AM   #1
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drumstix21 HB User
Unhappy Why am I so depressed and why does my self-esteem suck?

Lately I've been so depressed and I will admit to thinking about suicide quite often. It just seems like there isn't anything or anyone to live for. Everything I do is just boring to me. On July 4th I was with family and they were all lighting off fireworks and I just sat there the whole time and it wasn't fun at all. I used to love doing that. It seems like people would be better off if I was out of their way. I don't know if anyone would really even miss me. My self-esteem is like negative 5 million. I can't do anything infront of people. Plus I have social anxiety disorder so I can't do normal things that people do like shopping, or really going much of anywhere. Nobody understands me and I feel like I'm all alone. You think out of all the people in the world there would be at least one person that understands me. I wait and wait for things to get better but they never do. I wonder if my entire life will be like this. I just want to be happy and confident, is that too much to ask? HELP!

P.S. I am on medication for depression and anxiety, but sometimes it doesn't seem like enough.

 
Old 08-13-2007, 04:08 AM   #2
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Location: Victoria,Australia
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glamour girl HB User
Re: Why am I so depressed and why does my self-esteem suck?

I may be on the other side of the world.. But i do get you. My hubby suffered Depression, so i only imagine how sad you are. He was also suicidal, thank god he didn't, we have a young family, He used to think no-one would care if he wasn't around. Let me say i would have gone crazy if he left. He was always angry with people , friends or family. HE finally went to see a counsellor. It helped so much. You say you have family , maybe you can pull someone aside and tell them what your feeling ?? They problely don't even know how your feeling or how to help.
Glad your on the posts to vent yr feelings. please know your not alone. I'm sure others will jump on board to talk to you..

I wish i was there to hold your hand. sending you ((( hugs )))

 
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Old 08-13-2007, 06:17 AM   #3
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mycatwillow HB User
Re: Why am I so depressed and why does my self-esteem suck?

Hi,

I'm certainly not a doctor, but you sound like you're very depressed right now. I think you're looking at everything in your life through your depressed mind and it's making you think things that probably aren't true. It's not something that you can just snap out of. How long have you felt like this? Maybe it's time to go to your doctor and talk about your medication and possibly get into therapy.

Just remember, you are not defective. You have anxiety/depression and you are not alone. It may help to talk to someone, whether it's your doctor or someone you trust, especially since you're having suicidal thoughts. Please try to take care of yourself. You're an important person, even if right now you don't feel like it.

Last edited by mycatwillow; 08-13-2007 at 06:57 AM.

 
Old 08-13-2007, 07:21 AM   #4
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Sannah HB UserSannah HB User
Re: Why am I so depressed and why does my self-esteem suck?

Hi Stix, the best person to understand you is yourself. I always felt the same way, that no one could understand me. In hindsight, after acquiring vast self-knowledge, I have come to understand that it is almost impossible for others to understand us completely. What I did was acquire info to help me understand myself. This board would be an excellent place for you to do this. You can vent and discuss your thoughts and feelings and then get feedback from us so that you can figure yourself out.

I used to suffer from embarrassment and hated to be the center of attention. I think that this stuff just spirals worse. You feel bad about yourself and then you have interactions with others which make you feel worse. It just keeps going and going until you intervene with this. I changed the way that I thought about this stuff. The first thing that helped me was to realize that no one is 100% confident all of the time and that those who can function socially give themselves a break when things aren't perfect. Do you know what started your low self-esteem?

 
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