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Chickpea78 · 08-17-2007, 06:54 AM

Hi,

I'd appreciate some of your wisdom on this situation...

I'm 20 years old and have been depressed for many, many years. The first time I went to a therapist was at age 17, and I've seen a few more since then. I'm also in contact with my GP since February 2006 (drunken suicide attempt) and a psychiatrist at the local doctors surgery. I try to eat a healthy diet most of the time, and I've tried exercise but that didn't help too much either.

The problem is that, in those 3 years of various therapists... I've still been depressed, and I still have the same problems I wanted to solve in the beginning. I still drink too much (my counseling is now done at the NHS alcohol unit), I still make myself sick most days (ok, EVERY day), I still self harm, and I'm still rubbish at relationships to top it off lol. The one good thing is that I'm not hallucinating any more... I think that is because I have reduced my stress by just totally avoiding people - which is again an unhealthy solution! I don't seem to be able to make any real progress. I do want to get better, but I don't know how.

I'm not on medication.... the GP hasn't suggested it before and I'm too embarassed to ask.

What might I be doing wrong? I want to be able to see the world happily

Thanks for reading.

Sannah · 08-17-2007, 07:38 AM

Hi Chickpea, IMO your issues are just not being addressed adequately with resultant solutions. When I solved my issues it didn't happen overnight and I had to search and search for my answers. Do you want to give us more of your background and the issues that you have had to face?

Chickpea78 · 08-17-2007, 08:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sannah

Hi Chickpea, IMO your issues are just not being addressed adequately with resultant solutions. When I solved my issues it didn't happen overnight and I had to search and search for my answers. Do you want to give us more of your background and the issues that you have had to face?

Hi,

Thanks for your response

I'll try to give some more information...

You mentioned about solutions and that reminded me of one problem I've had with therapy. I know the whole idea is to talk about things, but I thought that there would be something more to therapy than just me talking about my feelings. None of the therapists have really ever done any exercises with me - we talk about how I feel and so on, but not how to change that. Is therapy supposed to have homework? That may sound stupid... btu I think I'd like homework! Then I'd feel like I was doing something towards progress....

As for my background, there is nothing particularly wrong in my life which makes it even harder to understand why I'd be the way I am. My parents are still together, they are financially comfortable and so on. However it has never been a 'close' family at all. I think I started self harming in a way when I was young, below ten. I remember hitting myself at night, and I always had trouble sleeping.

The issues I've had/have are:
Feeling depressed and suicidal, particularly since I was about 13
Alcohol abuse
Self harm (hitting, cutting, burning)
Poor sleep and nightmares
Anxiety, I've now virtually 100% isolated myself.
Hallucinations (but I think its a spiritual attack, docs don't agree. I wasn't allowed to drive for a year over this part)
Eating issues (started off with me stopping eating, and became very thin. Now I eat too much and make myself sick all the time)
Sexual assault at ages 13 and 15 (I'm embarassed that those incidents still bother me over 5 years on!)
Probably a consequence of he above issue, I have an extreme aversion to sex which is actually causing problems lol.

I've not been diagnosed with anything though. Is that the kind of information you meant?

Sannah · 08-17-2007, 08:34 AM

Hi Chickpea, yes, this is the info that I was referring to. My family wasn't close either and it caused ALOT of problems for me! I was never abused or anything like that. Sexual assault TWICE, especially at such an early age, shouldn't be discounted and believed that it cannot cause issues for you! If you haven't dealt with the effects of it, of course it is still going to bother you. From what I have learned about self-injury here it is a way to deal with your overwhelming feelings that you are unable to deal with in a healthier way. Many people also talk about the control that it gives to them and that it is a way to punish themselves. It seems that many people abuse alcohol to drown out their feelings.

Yes, I believe that therapy has to be about more than just talking. The therapists that I had gave me feedback on why I would feel like that, etc. I have to admit that I had to do a lot of the work myself. What helped me was to take a situation which was causing me distress, analyze it (my feelings, what was going on) and then with some good psych info understand it and figure out why/how I got this issue. IMO understanding where it came from is very important because this helps you to resolve the issue. I'll give you an example. I was shy and feared intimacy. I had low self-worth and discovered this came from a self-absorbed mother (you know, if your own mother ignores you, you must not be very valuable). This low self-worth caused the above problems because it interfered with me having a strong identity (weak boundaries also caused the intimacy problems). I don't think that I would have been able to recover my self-worth if I didn't understand where it came from because those thoughts in my head would have continued to feed the low self-worth.

Keep posting and see if you can get some insight into your issues to help you make better use of therapy.

Chickpea78 · 08-17-2007, 09:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sannah

IMO understanding where it came from is very important because this helps you to resolve the issue.

This is EXACTLY what I've been thinking!

I just can't seem to figure it out, and maybe that is why I only ever seem to talk about things in therapy rather than coming up with solutions - because we can't work out the root of the problem. I just can't explain my behaviour, and I have a terrible memory too so I can barely remember being a child (when I think it all started).

I will keep trying though. I've only JUST managed to vocalise the thing about sex.... although I haven't really said much about what happened. I don't even know if she picked up that it was assault because I was being fairly cryptic lol.

I'm glad to hear that you're recovering well, it is good to know that things really can get better! I'm sure all the hard work has been worth it, and I hope I can put in the work too.

Sannah · 08-17-2007, 09:45 AM

Chickpea, if you ever want to run an issue by here for feedback, feel free!

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