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Old 08-18-2007, 12:41 AM   #1
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Ugh...Just not doing well the past few days

some of you may remember, others may not, i havent posted here in a few months.

I started taking anti-depressants just over 2 months ago. I started taking "celexa" 20mg. I suffered a few of the side effects...still carry a few of them on my back but they have become tolerable.

About two weeks into the beginning of my anti-depressants, I had a young cousin (16) pass away...so it was hard to tell if the new medication was even doing anything for me....it's still hard to tell.

Over the past few days things have been bad again....Im thinking of my cousin, Im thinking of my own life, Im crying a lot....right now im torn between crying and screaming....I find myself calling family members to talk, but mostly I just want to be alone by myself and not bothered.

it's interfering with my sleep...Ive always been a late person but im up late, and im sleeping in late now too....I used to be out of bed before noon...now I wake up afternoon and I just wanted to go back to sleep till later...I hated wasting my day to sleep, now thats all I want. Once I shower and get going things improve...but it's getting there that is that challenge.

My doctor plans on increasing my dosage once fall hits. I hate winters, I hate the cold...I just hate ever part of them, so she has already decided we will up the dose. I feel like I need it now.

My husband doesnt get it...I think he kinda looks at it as a "cop out" I've told him how i've felt at times and he was shocked...He called from work tonight and I told him today/tonight has been bad...worse then usual, all he could tell me was "dont do anything stupid" it's like...I dont need that I need encouragement....I need motivation....not "dont be stupid"

I guess more then anything Im reaching for support and help tonight...

 
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Old 08-18-2007, 09:38 AM   #2
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Re: Ugh...Just not doing well the past few days

Hiya,

Are you in any kind of taking therapy along with the medication? That might help quite a lot if you're not doing that already.

It is very hard when people you're close to don't understand this kind of thing - frustrating for you because of his attitude, and frustrating for him too because he doesn't really grasp what it means to be depressed. There might be some books out there written for family of people with depression, explaining things. Do you think he would be willing to do a bit of research into it?

I hope things improve for you soon.

Take care,

Chickpea.

 
Old 08-19-2007, 01:28 AM   #3
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positivity17 HB User
Re: Ugh...Just not doing well the past few days

Piranna, sorry that you're feeling so badly right now. That's a horrible place to be as we all know. You were already experiencing depression and then were hit by tragedy, that's not to be taken lightly and you will go thru a grieving period. The sadness of losing a cousin so young in age must be especially horrible to deal with and to be sure it compounds the depression even more. Do you have anyone supportive to confide in? To discuss your feelings? I was wondering too if you are seeing a therapist, and if not, is this an avenue that you can check out?

Allow yourself to have your feelings, be gentle with yourself even if your husband takes the no nonsense approach. Hang in there! And do post again to let us know how you are doing.

Last edited by positivity17; 08-20-2007 at 02:56 AM. Reason: sp

 
Old 08-19-2007, 10:32 AM   #4
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Re: Ugh...Just not doing well the past few days

Well there are a few people I can confide in, but I only tell them so much because like some of you, you feel a bit ashamed of certain things. A small handfull of people know Im on anti-deps, my cousin (whose little sister is the one that passed) told me right away to be careful. I have a friend who knows and she was helpful and is always willing to lend an ear when or if needed. And of course my parents....both of them are a bit skeptical. Like they seem to have the approach like "hey everyone has bad days but get over it" kinda thing. My mom is more worried that im going to end up like a zombie from taking medication for it.

I have not seen a therapist yet. I have some names and places I can call, just havent advanced to to calling. I know I should because im certain it can help.

Right now I find being with my family...my aunt and uncle, my cousins the ones who are directly effected by the loss of their daughter, sister...I find comfort being with them. I visit once or twice a week and we just sit at their house and chit-chat and make the days go by.

I dont know if my husband truely understands how depression works. I've told him some of the feelings I've felt and he was in shock more then anything. Like he didnt believe I would be having the sort of thoughts I was. I guess he just doesnt understand it well, and doesnt know what to say to me when I do tell him some things.

 
Old 08-20-2007, 03:00 AM   #5
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Re: Ugh...Just not doing well the past few days

You are taking some very good steps to take care of your needs in dealing with the loss of your cousin, that is really great, keep it up, after all you are not only helping yourself but those so effected by the tragedy. God Bless you and your family. Hope the days get better for you.....

 
Old 08-20-2007, 11:18 AM   #6
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mycatwillow HB User
Re: Ugh...Just not doing well the past few days

I'm so sorry to hear about your cousin. Losing someone close to you is so difficult and it's definitely not going to help your depression. I think it's good that you can still be there for your aunt and uncle. I'm sure you are much a comfort to them as they are to you.

 
Old 08-20-2007, 11:35 AM   #7
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Re: Ugh...Just not doing well the past few days

thanks...I do enjoy my time with them.

Today was a bite...I was at work and had to walk away from the counter for a good five minutes just to cry and let out some frustration....im so glad to be home.

 
Old 08-20-2007, 12:29 PM   #8
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Re: Ugh...Just not doing well the past few days

Hi Piranna, I can really relate with you as well. I lack support from several family members as well. Those were the same words my mother used with me when I told her..."Well, don't be stupid and harm yourself. It'd be a waste." and that was it, no compassion, just those cold words came out of her mouth. so I understand what you feel. And I'm so sorry about your cousin. I recently lost my grandfather last May, so I know the grief you're feeling. I hope that you finally get support from your husband on this matter and that you soon feel well.
Zed

 
Old 08-20-2007, 06:56 PM   #9
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Re: Ugh...Just not doing well the past few days

You know I can tell my dad doesnt really get it. I think he has this image that I swallow a pill for depression and it makes the day 100% better. So when things got sour at work (i work in a family business) he says "did you take you pill?" im like "of course" then he says "you know you dont have to be like this, you can make yourself happy again but you have to do it" and right there for me it was like he just doesnt get it....

His resolution to my unhappiness was to see if I was interested in starting school again this fall. Which starts in a week from today. And in all honesty I dont want to be rushed or pressured into it at this time.

My husband called when I was nearing the end of my spell and could tell something was wrong and kept thinking I was feeling sick...its like NO im not sick it's the depression it's kicking my butt today and its only noon! So I didnt get much out of him either. Other then "you gonna be okay whats wrong? did you get a in a fight with your dad?" So no....that was not any of my problems...and as im trying to get over it, he's trying to fish for what made me feel this way...I was ready to cry all over again with anger and sadness! I told him I just didnt want to talk right now and left it that.

thankfully night has fallen and Im feeling a bit better about things. Ive been thinking about making an appointment to have my dosage increased.

 
Old 08-20-2007, 07:42 PM   #10
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Zedp989 HB User
Re: Ugh...Just not doing well the past few days

Quote:
Originally Posted by Piranna65 View Post
You know I can tell my dad doesnt really get it. I think he has this image that I swallow a pill for depression and it makes the day 100% better. So when things got sour at work (i work in a family business) he says "did you take you pill?" im like "of course" then he says "you know you dont have to be like this, you can make yourself happy again but you have to do it" and right there for me it was like he just doesnt get it....

His resolution to my unhappiness was to see if I was interested in starting school again this fall. Which starts in a week from today. And in all honesty I dont want to be rushed or pressured into it at this time.

My husband called when I was nearing the end of my spell and could tell something was wrong and kept thinking I was feeling sick...its like NO im not sick it's the depression it's kicking my butt today and its only noon! So I didnt get much out of him either. Other then "you gonna be okay whats wrong? did you get a in a fight with your dad?" So no....that was not any of my problems...and as im trying to get over it, he's trying to fish for what made me feel this way...I was ready to cry all over again with anger and sadness! I told him I just didnt want to talk right now and left it that.

thankfully night has fallen and Im feeling a bit better about things. Ive been thinking about making an appointment to have my dosage increased.
Hey there! I'm glad that you're feeling better now and that you kicked depression's *** later today. I totally understand what you're feeling. I was talking with my father in the car and told him that I was concerned about my medicine(psychologist recommended SSRI, doctor prescribed me NNRI) and he was like, "You know you'll never feel any better if you don't want to. You can sulk all day and feel bad for yourself, but this medicine is temporary anyways." My parents play it down and all, but the truth is that I'm really not well. They think I have mild depression while my psychologist has told them that I was severly depressed with major depressive disorder. They might not be willing to accept it, but I really need them to, and they just don't understand what we're feeling. I wish in some way, I could transfer my worst feelings to them for just 5 minutes and see how they like it. I have just come to accept that they have no idea what I'm going through and probably never will. But I will not let that get me down because my psychologist and I know what I'm going through and that's all that matters. We're the ones treating me. What medicine do you take now? Well, I hope you have a less stressful night and can sleep well tonight!
Zed

 
Old 08-20-2007, 09:25 PM   #11
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Re: Ugh...Just not doing well the past few days

I think my parents are just from a different 'era' so to speak where anti-depressants were never really an option. My mom isnt as negative with me about it, but I think it's because her own mother suffered depression when my mom was a kid. But Dad....he just cant believe there is anything wrong with me. He just thinks I have a bad attitude all the time and that I am selfish.

It's kinda comforting to hear that I'm not the only one hearing the same type of feedback from parents.

My doctor started me on 20mg of citalopram (celexa) I have yet to meet with a therapist, although I really should, and I do want to. I just have to make the call because Im certain it can help.

Im feeling like the dosage just isnt doing anything for me over the past several days. I feel the same as I did before I started taking the anti-deps.

Tonight has been better, I napped after work, which felt great, walked the dog and made something for dinner, Ive been laying pretty low, which was my plan after work. Im glad I did otherwise I think i would have been feeling just *** crummy.

Thanks for lending an ear Zed, it's been very helpful and nice of you!

 
Old 08-20-2007, 10:22 PM   #12
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Zedp989 HB User
Re: Ugh...Just not doing well the past few days

Quote:
Originally Posted by Piranna65 View Post
I think my parents are just from a different 'era' so to speak where anti-depressants were never really an option. My mom isnt as negative with me about it, but I think it's because her own mother suffered depression when my mom was a kid. But Dad....he just cant believe there is anything wrong with me. He just thinks I have a bad attitude all the time and that I am selfish.

It's kinda comforting to hear that I'm not the only one hearing the same type of feedback from parents.

My doctor started me on 20mg of citalopram (celexa) I have yet to meet with a therapist, although I really should, and I do want to. I just have to make the call because Im certain it can help.

Im feeling like the dosage just isnt doing anything for me over the past several days. I feel the same as I did before I started taking the anti-deps.

Tonight has been better, I napped after work, which felt great, walked the dog and made something for dinner, Ive been laying pretty low, which was my plan after work. Im glad I did otherwise I think i would have been feeling just *** crummy.

Thanks for lending an ear Zed, it's been very helpful and nice of you!
Anytime dear. My parents are exactly the same; they find me selfish with a bad attitude and don't understand that there's something wrong with me. I'm personally stressing with starting school Wednesday morning and on top of that, I'm trying to keep something going with this girl I met, but I don't feel as if I can anymore, but don't know how to tell her in a way that won't hurt her in any way. Here's a stress managing suggestion that my psychologist gave me. You sound exactly like me where stress will make your depression much worse. Whenever you feel stressed at work, just take your two pointer fingers and gently tap them up and down, 1, 2, 1, 2, 1, 2, 1, 2 and breathe deeply and slowly. It helps relax and reduces the pressures of everyday work. Give that a try, I hope it helps you feel a little better!
Zed

 
Old 08-20-2007, 11:22 PM   #13
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positivity17 HB User
Re: Ugh...Just not doing well the past few days

Quote:
Originally Posted by Piranna65 View Post
........ I have yet to meet with a therapist, although I really should, and I do want to. I just have to make the call because Im certain it can help.
Finding a therapist you feel comfortable with will give you so much more support, not to mention a better understanding of yourself. I'm glad to hear that you are soon ready to take that step and I hope you get good results. Good luck with this, keep us posted.....

 
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