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Old 08-18-2007, 05:29 AM   #1
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Giving up talking about your problems

Who here has given up talking about your problems to others because no one can understand you, and that to confide to another person means to get misunderstood/hurt by another person? Do you feel it's pointless--often harmful--to open up?

 
Old 08-18-2007, 09:00 AM   #2
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Re: Giving up talking about your problems

Depends on who you talk to really, I am lucky that I have a few friends and my doc who are very very cool and are always there for me. But I understand what you mean, sometimes I feel the same, and I can just dont say a single word for a week. But often it's good to vent a few tims about your problems, it might not solve them, but it shall make you feel better. I talk to myself a lot, you can say I am weird or mental, whatever, but I do talk to myself a lot and it helps, I think the key is the get it out...

 
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Old 08-18-2007, 11:42 AM   #3
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Re: Giving up talking about your problems

i have stopped talking about my problems because i think it is pointless.
i have made some really bad experiences. i wanted to talk abou this with my best friend. i told him that may be i will never forget and he told me "of course you will never forget, if you keep talking about it ALL THE TIME"
all the time? it was the first time i talked about this experience with ANYBODY.

i am 28 and i never had a girlfriend so far. i told my best friend that i was so sad without a girlfriend. and he told me "of course you do have no girlfriend, because you never go to the bar. you are always sitting in your room"... i said "but see. i am so tired and feeling low" and he said "but you will not find a girlfriend be feeling tired and feeling low and sitting in your room"

i love him. he is a gentle soul, but he does not understand about my illness.

i have trouble eating and nobody understands. everybody wants me to eat. everybody says "why don't you want to eat?". i want to aet. i cannot eat. i am trying so hard to eat.

 
Old 08-18-2007, 02:35 PM   #4
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Re: Giving up talking about your problems

I hear what you're saying. However, going alone isn't going to help you. Look for the right people.

 
Old 08-18-2007, 03:37 PM   #5
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Re: Giving up talking about your problems

After awhile I just sound like a broken record and it just doesnt mean anything anymore. Words of inspiration just dont do anything to change what i am and how i feel. Only the situation I am in changing would be the only thing that helps. Its not like I can talk myself out of this condition and other people just cant stand talking to me because im pretty heavy on the negativity.

 
Old 08-18-2007, 07:37 PM   #6
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Re: Giving up talking about your problems

Iíve kinda reached that point of not wanting to talk to my best friend about my problems, not because I donít want to, but because I too feel like a broken record and also do not want to burden her with what troubles me. She is the only person that I have confided in. I guess you could say my problems are a secret to most of the people in my life, including family My best friend and I have a mutual understanding, I guess Ė when she looks at me, she knows itís on my mind and she tries to lead me to think of other more positive things. I recently received some not so good news related to my health and it hit me hard when I did have a chance to sit down process the news. At that moment, I longed for someone to talk to. I desperately tried to think of friends to call, but I also had to make sure I called the right person. Sure I have a few close friends, but I knew some where not ones that could really be there for me. Not that they are bad people, but there are those that I can call when Iím in an emotional crisis and theyíll know what to do for me, whereas some friends I have to be concerned with whether or not this is information they can use against me in the future. In a nutshell, I have to look for the right people who will understand and will be able to ease some of my pain.

 
Old 08-19-2007, 12:46 AM   #7
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Re: Giving up talking about your problems

I have a couple of friends with the same diagnosis as me, one of which is very knowlegable. In my experience I have learned for the most part not to share about depression with those with no understanding b/c it doesn't benefit me (or them). At one point my younger sister asked for explanations of what I was going thru, in the end she really didn't want to know, nor could she handle it, if it causes someone so much stress what's the point? Having said that I do have one friend with no experience with depression and when she asked questions I gave a little information, in time I have found her to be non-judgmental so I confided more. It's okay to be choosy about who you tell your business to.

Oh and my sister, I withhold a lot of details so as to keep her from becoming overwhelmed.

 
Old 08-19-2007, 07:08 AM   #8
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Re: Giving up talking about your problems

I agree with survivor, there are people out there who can help you to understand yourself. I don't think that really anyone else can understand you but that there are people out there who can help you to understand yourself. Once you understand yourself you are in a good position....

 
Old 08-19-2007, 01:18 PM   #9
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Re: Giving up talking about your problems

There are caring and supportive people who have never experienced depression. Finding them is very important in my opinion. I think that bad or lukewarm relationships are roadblocks to recovery. They do little for the isolation that reinforces depression. There needs to be closeness.

 
Old 08-19-2007, 01:22 PM   #10
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Re: Giving up talking about your problems

Quote:
Originally Posted by Breezes View Post
There are caring and supportive people who have never experienced depression. Finding them is very important in my opinion. I think that bad or lukewarm relationships are roadblocks to recovery. They do little for the isolation that reinforces depression. There needs to be closeness.
but to be honest. to be close to a depressive person, does not make people feel very good, does it?

 
Old 08-19-2007, 07:03 PM   #11
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Re: Giving up talking about your problems

people who have never been depressed do not know how you feel and at times, cannot relate. even though i can confide in those closest to me, you do get to a point where you feel like telling them how you feel, including sometimes thoughts of not wanting to be here, will only cause them to worry.

 
Old 08-20-2007, 09:32 AM   #12
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Re: Giving up talking about your problems

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Originally Posted by smeagollives View Post
but to be honest. to be close to a depressive person, does not make people feel very good, does it?
I think that venting for too long could overwhelm the other person and do more harm than good. But support is powerful in my experience. I think that it gives motivation to use therapy, diet, exercise, etc. I wouldn't say that finding these people is easy, but they are out there. They can be helpful without fully understanding depression. A mutually supportive relationship could grow to be a close one.

 
Old 08-20-2007, 10:57 AM   #13
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Re: Giving up talking about your problems

I once told a friend of mine to think of the worst mood she's in when she has PMS, times it by 100 and then think about having it 24 hours a day, 7 days a week and then maybe they might understand. And I don't mean when you're slightly cranky, I mean really bad PMS. Even this is not an accurate picture, but it's the closest thing I could think of. Of course it doesn't help the men at all

 
Old 08-20-2007, 01:04 PM   #14
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Re: Giving up talking about your problems

Quote:
Originally Posted by overwhelmingly View Post
Do you feel it's pointless--often harmful--to open up?
I find it's pointless. I can talk about everything until I'm blue in the face and it won't help. I DID go to my psychiatrist a couple of weeks ago for something I was worrying about and I've arranged it so I can call and book appointments if I need them. I don't want regular appointments if I don't need them because I don't want to take her time from others who need it more than I do.

 
Old 08-20-2007, 01:34 PM   #15
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Re: Giving up talking about your problems

I have my brother, which I believe I always have and my sister-in-law. She went through severe clinical depression when she was younger and was put on medication without therapy. I also talk with two of my friends that I'm close to and who actually listen. But even then, I don't want to talk too much because I worry them or worry I might talk about it too much. Most of the time though, I'm trying to fight it in my head, though it tends to be unsuccessful.

 
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