It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Depression Message Board
Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 08-18-2007, 04:33 PM   #1
Junior Member
(male)
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 28
Multiple Man HB User
Unhappy So sad and afraid

I have so much fear in me. Im always so scared and afraid. I shake and twitch nervously. I cant explain this phenomenon happening inside my mind. Anxiety and panic. So deep and rich. So crippling. Uncompromising it seems. I wish i was a strong man. I wish i had nerves of steel. For once Id love to know what being fearless is like. Having the strength to overcome. Ive failed at everything in my life. One by one whatever this condition is has taken away everything. My opputunities. People I love. Chances at happiness. My health. Everything. I feel like my mind is stripped naked. I dont have any dignity or self esteem. My mind is on auto-pilot. I cant seem to even force myself to think positively. Ive left a long trail or mistakes and regrets behind me. Why are the painful memories the ones that are still so fresh in your mind?

I know its nothing out there. Nothing to fear. But my mind wont listen. Do i really have control over this. Can I really win. Can i really live with this contant unbearable anxiety. Im 29 and im losing my hair, i have an ulcer, and im on blood pressure medication. All because my anxiety and stress just wont subside. I cant never forgive myself for not doing something sooner. But how can you fight something that can eat someones mind. Chew on you self esteem, and swallow your happiness whole. Whatever it is its spread to every corner of my brain. I cry everyday. Because im afraid of a million things. I cant seem to escape it. I remember 5 years ago i was on this same board, basically saying the same thing. I am a broken record thats been playing way too long. I dont even know why I bother to even type this tonight. Nothing can ever change for me.

I cant even do the basic things in life to function. Ive tried to accept my condition. But more and more I just find myself being the only one making compromises. Ive taken so many different medications and treatments. Some things you cant cure, I know. But some things you cant live with either. Waking up every day is the hardest part. Because even a nightmare couldnt compare to the real thing. How can someone live like this. Is there anything worse. When you get to this point you start believing and irrational things like your possessed by some supernatural force. I actually believe that if there is a hell, im probably there now. I wouldnt be surprised of that. I must have did something bad in a previous life.

So many of you on here are so much more stronger than I am. Im glad it doesnt take everyone. I can feel ok to know it doesnt always win. I guess I caught the baddest part of it. Or maybe im just the weakest host. Its sucked the life out of me. I cant control my anxiety and stress. And its slowly killing me each day. Every time I go to the doctor the news gets worse. And I cant stop it. Its like sinking in quicksand and noone is around to help you. And the worse thing isnt dying. Its waiting to die. This condition has taken away all my hope. And most importantly and devastating to me is that it took away the person i love the most. Its hard to live down all the mistakes and failures ive made. And relive all the moments of truth in your past. If I only showed courage that one moment when I had a chance maybe things would be different. The only thing worse than a coward, is someone like me. What i would give for the chance to be normal. Cos in this world, only the strong truly survive.

Last edited by Multiple Man; 08-18-2007 at 04:34 PM. Reason: ..........

 
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 08-18-2007, 10:16 PM   #2
SOE SOE is offline
Facilitator
(female)
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 2,155
SOE HB UserSOE HB UserSOE HB UserSOE HB User
Re: So sad and afraid



Hello dear. It's nice to see you, although I am sorry for your pain. I wish I could help.

I can tell you that you are an incredibly special man. You have a tremendous heart, which I see through your talented writing.

I know you don't feel like it, but you are special and valuable.

SOE

 
Old 08-20-2007, 05:34 AM   #3
Newbie
(female)
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 3
lilly_84 HB User
Re: So sad and afraid

Hi,

i think you are so strong and brave, the fact yo are still alive after living like that for years is incredible. I wa suicidle for a few months and oculdnt handle it, thouhgt I was never going to get better, I was scared of everything and felt like a failure, just how you describe it.
But I decided that I was going to get better and really tried hard. And luckily medication has helped me and now I am in therapy. I'm doing really well, at uni, im actually going out of the house and going to clubs whch is something that i found terrifying.
All I can say is that I think I know how you feel and I have tremendous respect for you that you are still getting up in the morning.
Have you tried meditation, that is extremely beneficial.
Im sure there is something that can help you, I know you might me angry at me saying that because you feel so hopeless but i really hope there is osmething for you.

Lilly.

 
Old 08-20-2007, 09:58 PM   #4
SOE SOE is offline
Facilitator
(female)
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 2,155
SOE HB UserSOE HB UserSOE HB UserSOE HB User
Re: So sad and afraid

We're here for you.


SOE

 
Closed Thread

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
Im afraid of sex, Please help LovelyLove Sexual Health - Teens 5 07-04-2009 05:18 PM
So afraid to go to the eye doctor! Help! mattm4001 Eye & Vision 4 10-27-2008 03:18 PM
Please help, I feel so afraid and sad... mochi* Depression 21 02-13-2008 01:00 PM
Stuck - Afraid of everything LaFin Mental Health 21 12-05-2007 07:49 PM
Afraid of just plain stupid...you decide irblir Teen Health 1 07-05-2005 02:56 PM




Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Sign Up Today!

Ask our community of thousands of members your health questions, and learn from others experiences. Join the conversation!

I want my free account

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 06:00 PM.



Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.comô
Terms of Use © 1998-2014 HealthBoards.comô All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!