Could I be depressed?
Sorry this is a lot longer than I originaly intended...
If you want skip to the 6th paragraph which is why I think I might be depressed.
Im 19, male and going into my second yr of college. All my life I have felt that I was diffrent from other people and I have known quite a few years now, after being diagnosed that I have ADD. It has interfeared with my life a lot, especialy school and social situations.
In school I have a hard time paying attention in class, focusing on my work, remembering things, ect pretty much every ADD symptom you can think of, however I have never been all that much hyper so I dont think I have the hyperactive part, although people I that I know well tell me I talk a lot.
I took a long time before I developed what I would even consider "real friends". Probobly not untill I was 14 or 15. I can be very emotional at times and care more about people than I should. To date I have many aquantinces and a few close friends, Im a pretty social person but I can also be shy at times especialy when I dont know a lot of people, I think I may have a little bit of social anxiety. Iv been in one serious relationship with a girl and few minor ones, however I feel that I usually have trouble getting a relationship to that point unless its initiated by the girl. If a girl doesnt seem "intersting" I get bored of her very fast. I dont know why any of this is. I meet girls at partys and other social situations and hook up with them, but its rarely ever more than that. I also seem to connect better with people a few years younger than me which leads me to think maybe I develop socicaly slower than normal people.
Since I discovered mountian dew and energy drinks I have always drank a lot of caffine, because it helps me to feel more normal. I was a huge pothead for 2 years of my life because that helped me feel "normal". I have also used practicaly every other illegal drug you can imagine as well, however I have never been addicted to anything except mentally to marijuana & caffine. I use no drugs anymore except on extreamly rare occasions. I still drink every weekend though, for the most part.
I use to take Concerta & Aderall when I was young but I dont really remember their effects on me because I didnt take them for very long and I was young and tried to deny to myself that I had ADD. When I was in 11th and 12th grade I sometimes took Strattera which kind of worked but I didnt like the way it made me feel so I just wouldnt take it. I have recently been prescribed to Vyvanse 30mg a day. The first 2 days I took it I felt as though it worked great, however it was wearing off way sooner then it should have according to what I read on it. The last week or two I have felt like it is barely doing anything anymore. I take it at 7:30-8:00am when I wake up and I feel as though what little effects I still feel from it wear off by 2:00 - 3:00pm.. I was going to talk to my psychologist about this as soon as he got back from vacation but I figured Id mention it incase anyone had some advice.
Recently I have begun to wonder if I am depressed, and if possibly I am in denial about being depressed. I dont fit the classic depression description however, I have a lack of motivation, offten feel tired and exhausted for no reason, and I dont find things I like too exciting anymore, and Im happy sometimes but othertimes I find myself very unhappy and feeling alone and doubting my family and friends caring about me. I doubt myself a lot and offten argue with myself in my head about this self-doubt. Sometimes when I am with friends I assume they are thinking negative things about me, marijuana amplifyed this which is the reason I quit smoking. I also felt I should mention I had sex the other day with this girl from work, and I enjoyed it but nowhere near like I did the last time I had sex (which was a while before this.)
I also have and incredably difficult time making a decision and sticking with it. Like I will start to think maybe I made the wrong decsison and change my mind, and sometimes this will go back and forth a lot.
I self analyze myself a lot and think about things I doubt most people ever think about.
I dont really know whats wrong with me and I could write a book complaining about things I suppose, sorry this is so long.
If any other information would help a response, feel free to ask.
Thanks to anyone with any insight to my problems its greatly appreciated =)