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Old 08-21-2007, 05:36 AM   #1
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Getting on better

Thought you would like to know that my boyfriend and I are getting on a lot better at the moment. We even took me out for lunch yesterday and has been really cuddly.

I feel a bit uncomfortable with this. I mean I KNOW that I hate it when we aren't getting on...but he is being OVERLY nice to me. A lot kinder and loving than he is on a normal day. I'm not sure how to deal with it...I'm not used to being cuddled a lot of kissed on the forehead. I never have been used to it and I don't know how to handle it.

Anyway, he still has made no effort in the house. He promised to take me to the launderette with all the clothes but its been two weeks and he still hasnt done it. He chose to go out all day and again at night with his friends on Sunday...

So now I am convinced he is going to leave again but this time it won't be my fault. Of course its natural I will get the blame regardless but Ive told him umpteen times I cannot do anything else to the house till he has helped me remove all the clothes!

I can't win!!!

 
Old 08-21-2007, 05:55 AM   #2
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Re: Getting on better

Hi daft, do you think that you are uncomfortable with intimacy? I had to get over this. Having a low self-worth really contributes to it IMO. How can you share of yourself if you think that you are so worthless? Since you were so mistreated by your family to have someone care about you and show it probably really feels weird? I think that people can actually push people away from being loving to them for these reasons. The person pushes everyone away and then misses the intimacy that they really crave but the intimacy is just so uncomfortable. Maybe start with changing the thought in your head that you do not deserve this kindness. You do deserve it!

 
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Old 08-21-2007, 09:14 AM   #3
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Re: Getting on better

Thanks Sannah. Yes maybe youre right. I guess part of me feels uncomfortable with it because I wonder how long its going to last before things get back to normal or we get back to fighting again!

 
Old 08-21-2007, 09:15 AM   #4
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Re: Getting on better

You don't want to get your hopes up just to be disappointed again?

 
Old 08-21-2007, 01:44 PM   #5
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Re: Getting on better

Yeah thats part of it. Coz I know somewhere down the line his sister will cause yet another fight between us (shes a spoiled brat who has him wrapped round her little finger, shes 21). I worry sometimes that if I say anything to stick up for myself when she starts her crap that he will get fed up and just dump me.

 
Old 08-22-2007, 05:39 AM   #6
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Re: Getting on better

Daft, there is a way to deal with trouble-making people. She is probably just "triggering" you (pushing your buttons) and this is why she irritates you so. If you can learn what is going on here with yourself you can then deal with it and then she won't be able to trigger you and then you can ignore her.

 
Old 08-22-2007, 09:14 AM   #7
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Re: Getting on better

Nice to hear that you are doing better unhappy puppy!
The main thing that all of us "worriers" have to remember is to reject any negative thought as soon as it appears to our conscious. This way we get rid of uhappy trains of thought which lead to unhappy feelings before they get the chance to take hold and secondly we avoid unnecessary hurt when there is none coming. So, this is the answer, I suppose, to your worry whether your bf's sister or your boyfriend himself are due for giving you another round of hardship.
After all, why not wait until they do and then we all deal with this together, rather than worry now just in case it happens and we all worry unnecessarily!
Stick your chin up and know that whatever happens YOU CAN DEAL WITH IT. You have done in the past and you are going to do it in the future. No matter what others told you in the past.Take care of yourself, please!

 
Old 08-22-2007, 11:14 AM   #8
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Re: Getting on better

Thanks guys,

I guess everything iritates me about his sister. The fact she has never had to work for anything she has and is totally spoiled by everyone...but its the snide comments, sarcasm and general bitchiness I cant stand. She ALWAYS has to be the centre of attention, even to the point where when I am on the phone to my boyfriend, when she is with him, we cant have our conversation because she just shouts and babbles in the background. He doesnt tell her to shut up because it just makes her louder. Its like she has a hold over him. I think the fact he doesnt stand up to her annoys me the most! I just try and avoid her as much s possible!

 
Old 08-22-2007, 11:19 AM   #9
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Re: Getting on better

She sounds bizarre.

 
Old 08-22-2007, 11:37 AM   #10
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Re: Getting on better

To be honest I think the family are bizarre. She does this behaviour in front of her parents hand they dont say anything. She tried to kill herself when she was 15 so sometimes I think they are just grateful she is alive! She thinks she is all that when really she isnt very pretty and isnt very clever either. She goes to doctors appointments with my boyfriend because the family say she is "medical" but she only did a year of nursing then dropped out. Whenever there is a medical emergency in the family, maybe if someone needs to go to hosptial you would think she was Florence nightengale the way she behaves when really she knows nothing!

Shes pregnant to a guy shes only been with 7 months, the baby is due at Christmas, and he has bought them a house. She wasted no time in telling me her house was bigger than mine. "three bedrooms two bathrooms!=" she kept saying. I dont care how big her house is but it winds me up how she thinks she can just annoy me and get away with it.

I think she is jealous of me because I "stole her brother"! She only started being nasty to me when my boyfriend and I satrted looking for a house.

She tells me what to do with my puppy, even though shes never owned a dog in her life (I know a considerable amount about dogs because I took the time to research). She is like the nightmare mother-in-law only worse!!!

 
Old 08-22-2007, 11:46 AM   #11
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Re: Getting on better

Quote:
Originally Posted by daftcowmoo View Post
it winds me up how she thinks she can just annoy me and get away with it.
Well, she does wind you up and gets away with it but you have the power to get her off of your last nerve. Really, WHY does her behavior get to you so much. I don't mean for you to explain more about what she does. Try to think about what it is IN YOU that she is triggering. (Like is she being bossy like your entire family is to you?)

Last edited by Sannah; 08-22-2007 at 11:47 AM.

 
Old 08-22-2007, 12:29 PM   #12
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Re: Getting on better

I don't know why she bothers me so much. I guess maybe because although I know she is jealous of me I don't understand really WHY she acts this way. I feel like she takes time with my boyfriend away from me, like with the phone thing. I get a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach when she starts hr crap. Maybe its because she always always ALWAYS comes out of any situation smelling of roses whereas unless I smile sweetly and just sit back and take it I get the blame for everything. My boyfriend says I "demonise" her. If I say to him "oh I didnt like the way she treated me today" or "I feel like..." he just tells m she doesnt mean it and that people dont see things the way I do. I think he needs to tell that to her...he needs to tell HER that her idea of a joke and my idea of a joke are different. But shes not joking when she says or does these things...shes enjoying it, believe me!

 
Old 08-22-2007, 12:35 PM   #13
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Re: Getting on better

Quote:
Originally Posted by daftcowmoo View Post
I don't understand really WHY she acts this way.

I feel like she takes time with my boyfriend away from me, like with the phone thing.

Maybe its because she always always ALWAYS comes out of any situation smelling of roses whereas unless I smile sweetly and just sit back and take it I get the blame for everything.
Daft, I don't think that you need to understand her. I think that you only need to understand yourself. Do you feel that you are competing with her?

 
Old 08-23-2007, 03:35 AM   #14
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Re: Getting on better

Yes I think I do feel like I am competing with her. This is because my boyfriend always treats me like Im second best to her. Like if we are going to the cinema and its something she wants to see...we have to wait till she is able to come because "its not fair to see it without her". Yet if SHE wants to see a film they will happily go and see it with out me. Its like he treats her like a princess, puts her on a pedestal.

I asked him recently why she gets all she wants out of him if she complains, but if I complain I just get told off! He said its because shes been doing it for longer. I think she was the only woman in his life for so longand when I came on the scene he didnt know how to split himself in two, and she didnt know how to handle not ebing the centre of his world anymore.

All this aside, I do know he loves me. I dont know WHY he loves me but I know that he does. He just doesnt know how to show it.

 
Old 08-23-2007, 08:01 AM   #15
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Re: Getting on better

Daft, they have a very strange relationship. IMO he needs to make this decision, who he is going to let jerk him around. Would it help you if you could see it as HIS problem and not yours (and he doesn't have to see it this way - you do not have to get him to admit this. It is enough just for you to believe this for yourself). I do see how this could affect your life, however. If he won't change then you can decide if you can live with it or not?

 
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