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Old 08-24-2007, 02:17 PM   #1
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Mucho_Ocho HB User
Did I do the right thing?

I suffer with depression and low self-esteem. I see a therapist who's helped me a lot. Unfortunately heís mentioned his girlfriend during our last several sessions. Recently he told me they just got engaged. He seemed very happy and excited. Later I became very depressed and remained in that state for a week. Not because Iím in love with him, but because I depend on him. Iíve trusted him with deep secrets and talked about things nobody else could understand. Heís helped when I was hysterical, and probably saved my life more than once. Often it seems like no one else cares. He knows I have no support outside his office, and that I depend on him, but maybe not to what degree.

When my next session rolled around I almost canceled because I was still hurting and depressed. I felt abandoned and betrayed. I fear he daydreams about his fiancť during my sessions. I imagine her as beautiful and perfect (unlike me). I compare myself to this image, and lose in every way. This has expanded and I now come up short against every woman I see. If not prettier, they are happier than me. Iím afraid his fiancť will take him away and I wonít have his support, understanding and care.

I planned to discuss this at our last session, but I couldnít speak without choking up. Needless to say, it never came out. Today I sent him a note explaining how I feel and why. I put the blame on myself and my insecurities. Iíll be horribly embarrassed next session. Did I do the right thing?

 
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Old 08-24-2007, 02:41 PM   #2
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Re: Did I do the right thing?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mucho_Ocho View Post
I suffer with depression and low self-esteem. I see a therapist who's helped me a lot. Unfortunately he’s mentioned his girlfriend during our last several sessions. Recently he told me they just got engaged. He seemed very happy and excited. Later I became very depressed and remained in that state for a week. Not because I’m in love with him, but because I depend on him. I’ve trusted him with deep secrets and talked about things nobody else could understand. He’s helped when I was hysterical, and probably saved my life more than once. Often it seems like no one else cares. He knows I have no support outside his office, and that I depend on him, but maybe not to what degree.

When my next session rolled around I almost canceled because I was still hurting and depressed. I felt abandoned and betrayed. I fear he daydreams about his fiancé during my sessions. I imagine her as beautiful and perfect (unlike me). I compare myself to this image, and lose in every way. This has expanded and I now come up short against every woman I see. If not prettier, they are happier than me. I’m afraid his fiancé will take him away and I won’t have his support, understanding and care.

I planned to discuss this at our last session, but I couldn’t speak without choking up. Needless to say, it never came out. Today I sent him a note explaining how I feel and why. I put the blame on myself and my insecurities. I’ll be horribly embarrassed next session. Did I do the right thing?
Hi there! You sound as if you're very confused and hurt right now and rightfully so. If you are truly worried that your therapist isn't helping you anymore or is thinking those thoughts during the sessions, then you have to do what's best for you. I can see why it's so hard to leave someone your trust so much. Remember, depression changes the way we think and we're more sensitive to certain things. So although he may be very happy he's going to be married, I'm sure that he still supports you in any way he can when you see him for therapy. I know it's hard right now not to, but try not to compare yourself with other people. I've done it before and still do sometimes when my depression hits an all low, but I know from experience that it hurts a lot. I would try and talk to him in person before you do anything at all, and try to tell him how you truly feel. I'm sure that he will be understanding and will care about what you have to say just as he did before. If you need to talk, I'll be here to listen and try to support you the best I can!
Zed

Last edited by Zedp989; 08-24-2007 at 02:42 PM.

 
Old 08-25-2007, 08:24 AM   #3
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MariaBB HB User
Re: Did I do the right thing?

I think you did the right thing. If you couldn't talk about your feelings and fears, at least you were able to communicate it in some way. Therapy can be very hard, but it's important to try and work through your issues when they arrise. That is the point of therapy. To learn what is holding you back and then actually try to work through it. Once you work through some of your abandonment issues maybe you will be able to face them more easily should they arrise in the future. Good luck!

 
Old 08-29-2007, 10:46 AM   #4
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Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Chicago Suburbs
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Mucho_Ocho HB User
Re: Did I do the right thing?

I know I wrote the above last week, but my next therapy appointment is coming up and I feel like canceling it. Maybe taking a week off and then seeing how I feel. Maybe taking forever off. I just can't shake the feeling that it's not worth it. Why go on if my therapist doesn't care about me? Everything seems so pointless and hopeless right now.

Should I see my therapist this week? Would you cancel if you were me? I'm feeling depressed about either decision and cannot figure out which one would be best.

 
Old 08-29-2007, 10:50 AM   #5
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Join Date: Oct 2006
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Sannah HB UserSannah HB User
Re: Did I do the right thing?

Mucho, you said that your therapist has helped you a lot. If you are having issues which were elicited by your therapist I think that it would benefit you greatly to pursue these issues and resolve them. They aren't going to go away any other way. I actually loved it when an issue was triggered because this meant that I was going to be able to resolve it. I would actually pursue things that would bring out my issues. You cannot solve an issue if it doesn't come up but it certainly can affect you anyway. Keep us posted.

 
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