Has any one ever come through these diagnoses with some sort of normality in their lives (sorry i know thats not very PC). I am at my wits end with the situation - my husband was disagnosed with depression over 4 years ago following loss of contact with his children which he has now regained. As well as depressed he became increasingly paranoid, angry, violent, he saw his GP who prescribed anti depressants and sleeping tablets which he never took regularly and he had some councelling. He is currently on a 2 year suspended sentence for trying to throttle me in the street on a busy saturday night in front of the police and is banned from driving through drinking. He is seeing a different councellor at the moment which seems to be helping a bit and is waiting to see a psychologist to confirm the IED diagnosis- his GP last week prescribed promazine to take when he is angry - ha ha, i can't see this working as there is no reasoning with him when he gets in that state, even in the early stages when i can see it developing in front of my eyes.
I have read a couple of books Arron Becks prisioners of hate - which made alot of sense to me having lived with this for so long, and also a book on depression fallout which has confirmed to me the link between depression and anger and that there are other people out there who are living with this, on the other side of the fence - however i have yet to find them myself!
I feel helpless with this "several month wait" we now have to see a psychologist - once again my life feels like it is on hold and i go through day to day not knowing what to do for the best with no -one to talk to who has lived through these experiences. I have tired to find some support groups for partners/relatives, locallly to me, but everything seems to be geared towards the person who has depression, not the other person who has to live with it, or they refer to carers which is not a word i would use to descibe myself at the moment.
I'm sorry you have to deal with such a difficult situation. I've never lived with a depressed person, although I have been one . I also have a depressed friend and even though I've lived through it, I find her sometimes difficult to deal with. It's hard when you want to fix the person, but you just can't. It might take some time for him to find the right combination of drugs/therapy/support.
Are you still looking for a support group? You will probably find a lot of support here.
Thanks for the support, still looking for groups aswell. How do you stop yourself being dragged into your friends depression or letting their behaviour get you down? I find it so hard to encourage without it sounding like or being interpreted as nagging. There never seems to be a right time to talk and he is so resistant to any structure, I've suggested that we have a certain day/time to talk about events of the week/what's happening in therapy etc, but this does not go down well.
My friend complains about her situation constantly but won't do anything about it. It would be different if she were trying and things weren't working, but she does nothing and it's starting to wear on me. Then I feel guilty because I know what it's like to be in that situation and I think I should be more supportive. But she does nothing to try to improve her situation. Although now she's talking about going and working in Dubai for a year so that she can make a lot of money. That's because she has major money issues from a nasty divorce.
She was complaining about how bad she was feeling and I kept telling her to call her doctor and she wouldn't so I threatened to call her sister and tell her everything (she doesn't know about her depression). She still didn't, but she had said she was feeling better because she finally had the nerve to stand up for herself at work where someone has been pushing her around. She does have an appointment for September 17 and I mentioned I thought she should talk to her about changing her meds because they obviously aren't working. I'm going to tell her again that I will call her sister if she doesn't do anything. I would do it too, because I'm afraid she might kill herself. She said she would never do that to me or her family, but I'm not sure I believe her. She did go to the emergency room once a couple of years ago when she was living in Toronto. I've already lost one friend to suicide and I will tattle if I think it's going to happen. I'd rather she be ****** off at my for the rest of her life.
Anyway, I don't want this to discourage anyone from talking to their friends about their problems because a good friend is willing to listen. It's just that I'm the only one and I'm starting to feel overwhelmed with the responsibility. She won't even talk to her psychiatrist. She just goes there, says everything's ok and leaves. I worry about her but sometimes I just can't talk to her for a week or so because I need some space. When I spend time with her I usually can manage not to let her bring me down at the time, but then I need a break from her afterwards for my own mental health. I'm not sacrificing my mental health for anyone.
I hope I don't sound like a horrible friend. But enough about me, have you had any progress with your situation? At least he's getting some sort of counselling. It's good that you want to help, but it's very frustrating when there's nothing you can do.
Last edited by mycatwillow; 08-28-2007 at 12:36 PM.
Hi Firey, just wondering how you were doing. I was thinking about this post last night because yours has made me think about my own situation quite a lot. I think the reason I'm so overwhelmed and frustrated with my friend is because of the fact I already had a friend commit suicide and it would just kill me if it happened again. I don't think I could recover from it.
I've never tried group therapy so if you do find anything let me know how it goes.
i'm ok, bearing up. sorry to hear about your friend, it must be a worry having had a friend commit suicide before. I don't think my husband would do that, i went skiing with my parents and sister a couple of years ago and when i called him he told me he had taken a load of pills to try and finish himself off - but he was ok now -i was beside myself for the rest of the holiday, thought i should go home, but he said not to worry! Ha!. I had forgotten about it till just then, and he refused to talk about it after. He also gets himself in situations where he is putting his life at risk ie walking home along dark country lanes when he is drunk and could easily get run over, getting into fights, but i guess lots of people do that. I can't help thinking somethimes i wish he'd pull himself together and wonder if he's putting on his problems to justify his behaviour - then i feel guilty/bad wife. Seems like you have a similar thing with your friend. I'm sure i was more sympathetic in the early days, but one person can only take so much. Obviously I have contemplated leaving many times and in a way it would have been easier if i had no knowledge of mental health issues - then i would have just put it down to him being a horrible person and left, but all the time there is a potential solution out there, if i did leave i would always wonder if i should have waited longer - the good times could be just round the corner for all i know - i wait on each doctors appointment. Of course i love him the same as you care for your friend which means we want them to be happy and to share enough good times that the bad ones are insignificant. He's not had an appointment through with the psychologist yet, and he's not rushing it as thinks he is getting better anyway. He's going to ask his councellor next week if there are any support groups for us both, keep in touch.
Had another incident last Sunday where he came home drunk caused a row and forced me to leave the house with no belongings/car keys/money, so i called the police, who came to the house with me, collected my stuff and left, i stayed in a hotel till thurs when i had a call from the hospital to say he was in A & E with chest pains, so went to find him there - doesn't seem to be anything serious. I am back home now and we went to see a psychologist on Fri who seems very good and has promised me some details of a support group not too far away, starting the end of september. I think we'll continue to see the psychologist to try and work on the relationship issues whilst he waits to see if he can get some specialist treatment for his condition. I still feel generally quite low and exhausted by it all, but feel a glimmer of hope that a conclusion will reveal itself before long.
I'm glad that there seems to be a little light at the end of the tunnel. But what a difficult situation to have to deal with, having to involve the police and everything. I've learned that to cope sometimes I need to get away from my friend for a bit. I need to make myself the priority, and so do you. After all we can't help the people we care about if we're losing it too.
It sounds like you're trying very hard to be there for him and I admire you for that. But if your health starts to suffer don't feel bad about taking some time for yourself. I'll repeat what I said before, I'm not going to sacrifice myself for anyone ever again. I have put this friend's needs above my own off and on for many years to the detriment of my own health and I'm not going to do it anymore.
Just recently I said to her that I was sorry I haven't called to check on her because I've been preoccupied with my own issues going back to work and she said, she didn't know I was back at work. In spite of the fact that I told her I was going to multiple times. I don't want it to sound like she's a bad friend because she has been there for me at times when I really needed it, but I definitely put more into it then she does.