Mokie you are not alone!
You are amongs friends here. Three hours after your post, I am here replying to it and I am sure I live half around the globe from you! I am also certain by the time you come back to your computer you will see how many people would have joined you and told you that you are not alone. Because
you are not!
Lots of us know how you feel. You are really hurting right now and we do not just offer sympathy. We offer our love. Just hung on. It is a really bad time now for you,
BUT it
will pass. It has done in the past and it will do so again, right? And IT IS OK TO FEEL BAD... iT REALLY IS....dON'T FEEL QUILTY OR WORTHLESS . wE ALL FEEL BAD LOTS OF TIMES. AND YET WE ARE STILL HERE, AREN'T WE?
I know it is tiring to spill your guts out yet again to a new therapist, but he /she may be THE one who will really help you regain your lost control. Try to have positive thoughts as much as you can. Do not lose faith in yourself and your ability to gain control over this illness. A lot of us have TAKEN CONTROL, most of the time, and that's why we want you to keep trying, and not to give up. There is always a happy ending, no matter what, no matter how long it takes...
Tomorrow is another day, right? Try to take a small step at a time, one day at a time and especially try to enjoy the little things in life that so often go unnoticed. Look at the sparrows, the little flowers, the clouds, the sun that comes out everyday no matter what....
Just take it easy ok? And keep posting. We are here...
I'm tired..... 
