note to the moderator: This isn't a cry to help or a threat. It's just the truth about how I feel every waking day and I am positive others do as well. So maybe I am speaking for them as well because they are afraid of the responses they will get in return.
Unfortunately I can't tell you why I am this way but I can tell you I am seeking answers. I come from a great family and all the opportunities were there for me. But I shunned everything except for family. I have a disdain for alot of normal day to day activities for life and I run away from it or abstain from it altogether. I believe I can't live in a environment where it's not equal to the imagination in my mind. I have no idea how many others are out there like this
Let me tell you my theory and what I detest. I dislike people who have the attitude that ending their life on this planet was a waste. If someone is truly in pain and complete suffering and someone ends their life. I think that was MEANT to be. And the ones who go on that's MEANT to be. Life is a paradox,no? So I think this cavalier attitude "Well, that person was selfish when they ended their life" How do you know what they ended,Plato? All of Life to is a collective hallucination triggered by electrical impulses and propelled by our own thoughts and imagination. YOU DON't KNOW,Comprende? You...just don't
Everyday I have this feeling like I am lying to everyone around me. The futility of the ticking clock and how I think about my family passing before me makes me spend more time with them. But I am constantly with thoughts they won't be there. I guess I look at that as a twisted gift in a way. Because I think about my family passing around me everyday it seems like I am training my body and spirit for that day. You know how far I think about this? How about this doozy. I want my parents to sign a spiritual contract when they pass on they will visit me in spiritual form so I can have some proof that they are there around me whenever i feel alone or just to know of this spiritual embodiment is possible.
Unfortunately I don't think I will make it to live a long life. You know why i don't think so? Because I think about the pain and suffering I am going to endure and to constantly pretend that I am enjoying my time. No, good citizens of the world, I do believe that you can be brutally honest.
I find my life to be one jinx after the other. It's better than most but still I think about everything dark imaginable and it sort of staves off some anxiety because if a demon does come to reap my soul in the fiery depths of hell I will probably just say "It Figures...what took you so long"
Remember that Pink Floyd Video "Learning to Fly"? When I use to watch that I use to think when I ran out of hope and tolerance I would just dive off the side of that same cliff because I thought not many would face that and take matters into their own hand. To be honest with you I still think about it every once and a while. I actually talk to my therapist on this matter.
So if some people want any wisdom on this subject of Perishing rather than facing the ravages and trials of Time, I would say this. Don't listen to people who tell you Life is a precious thing not to be "WASTED" . (I hate that stupid cliche like someone actually understands what LIFE really is defined as) We have no idea what the framework of life or death really is. And it really doesn't matter I dont think when you decide to punch the clock. Everyone is just guessing. We could be memories just being constantly looped in this universe and not alive. How does ANYONE know if you are alive? Senses? Oh Give me a break....
But I will say this. I do have reservations with those around me so that's probably a buffer why I haven't dived into that "Learning to Fly" Canyon yet
But I still think everyone has a number and they go when they go. And that's how I feel and I don't feel any shame about it. It's liberating to actually be able to think this and not feel shame or guilt typing it. I think alot of people are envious and have had their warped considerably into thinking their teachings from that Rick Warren book mean something more than what they actually think deep in their subconscience.
Whether it's Suicide,Accident,Natural Causes,Murdered,Car Accident,Plane Crash etc
Some people on here might be offended or insulted. But this is part of the fabric of collective existence. I am beginning to think that Life is just a simulation of a simulation of a simulation of a simulation etc And with that I flip the standard phrase "Get Over it" back to those who have repeated it over and over. There are those that feel the same way I do but are in silence. We are all around you and we disdain those that dictate on how your life should be or this righteous attitude about when someones time it is.
You know when it's someones time? When the time happens. Because it's happened. For those who delay it or put it on hold, then it's not their time.
Too many people are too focused on what others choose or decide to do. It's their choice. It's electrical impulses and energy that hold this ILLUSION together. it's this paradox that terrifies a person of the unknown and those that do dare to tread over the horizon.
For those who are close on the edge, I would say this: Think about the others around you but if you are alone? Don't fret too much. I think about things like "Who will take care of my pet. He might get Angry I am not around" But when I am truly alone? Oh man, I will work out the most beautiful way to pass to the beyond.
But for me and others the clock is ticking. You ever seen the Final Destination Series? People try to fight their fate and how they perish in the film. But Fate finds a way to get them in the film. No matter what obstacles they put up or how they have protected themselves FATE of Death finds them one by one.
I really think this Life is a gift and precious is b.s. theater to it's highest in some sense and some sense it isn't. Because again we really don't know when LIFE Begins or Ends. So if you do terminate your physical form who is to say that Energy isnt catapulted into the galaxies and the mysterious ether?
I am beginning to think that these trials and tribulations are another red herring for those who are in agony. It varies for some. Some are meant to decide to live in this form and others decide otherwise. And think what really bothers someone is they don't want to realize that they may just be getting melodramatical in a endless hall of mirrors over little next to nothing.
For myself, the clock ticks but I know natural causes won't be the way I decide. I am not going to a nursing home where people pretend to care or display a interest in me. That may be years ahead but still I can't stop thinking about the impending future. I am going to decide on my own volition. And if others reading this have a problem with it then you may have hangups on personal choices of to exist in human form or not.
Like it or hate it, we all make that decision not some Spirit in the sky. I decide if I want to hit reset,game over,start a new game or go to the next level. And I really think it's a serious ploy from pseudo religious organizations to give you a sense of guilt and feeling ashamed that you have thoughts on these matters. Screw these people every single last one of them. These people are superficial and extremely narrow minded and really aren't as "SPIRITUAL" as they claim to be. They can't hold any construct in their mind other than what they are told. These people are not your friends. They practice in deception and manipulation to make themselves feel better.
I say: Believe truly what you want and Forget the dogma if it doesn't follow up in a collection of parables about life,death,sinning and salvation. It's all just so transparent, isn't it?
You hold the key to whatever it is you wish your fate to be. That's cool if you ask me. Screw these people who try to keep others around who are in physical agony every waking day of their life. If I had a cancerward I would get rid of all the chemo and just strong Foreign THC to numb the pain and make their stay a pleasant one. This Chemo ward nonsense is pure crap and just another ploy to get a withering patient to spent beaucoup bucks on a harrowing way to die. Screw that CRAP.
BUT if anyone wanted to choose their own fate then if I was a multi millionaire Doctor we would go all over the world
Falling off a Ancient Temple
Sailing into a Storm
People would love to hate my clinic. Because I would make dreams be fulfilled on their last days and where they want to be. Unfortunately I think Dr Kervorkian got it wrong.
I really do think alot of people are going to be outraged or angered hearing this. But you have no idea how many people want to express the same thing in public but are afraid to. I just want to say to my fellow kindred spirits. I don;t think you are crazy or insane or mentally ill. I think you are a pioneer of thought that few dare to tread because of religious dogma and just plain old fear of not being one of the "PACK" And for that I salute you.
I also recommend the film "Waking Life" which I found to be surreal and impressive how the director demonstrated Dreams and The waking State.
And the unanswered questions of what is REALLY REAL.
I drop this pebble into the pool of consciousness intending for a ripple and hope someone finds solace and comfort into what I am saying. We truly are free and others continue to pretend to have "BASIC INSTRUCTIONS BEFORE LEAVING EARTH-B.I.B.L.E."
Also for those who feel ashamed or saddened. Toss it away man! People are just mad because they are so addicted to the simulation they inhabit and want you to feel the same way or at least act like it.
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