I hate feeling like this, I cant take it. It comes and goes and this is really getting to me. If I was always feeling this wrong at least I would have a bit of consistency but I will feel ok soon and then feel bad again and so on. What can I do? My flatmate is a legend for putting up with me but I can see he is getting upset and impatient. Doctors put me on a waiting list for therapy but cant say how long I have to wait. I just dont know what to do and everyday has nothing to look forward to.
I don't know. Ive hurt myself. Ive cut my leg open quite bad, I dont know why. My flatmate came into my room on sunday and started talking to me but he was irritating me beyond belief. He started with, "Interesting news..." in the most boring monotonous tone with a long pause that seemed to last forever. This was so annoying that I cant explain, he just waited and waited and waited as if he was deliberately doing this to rub me the wrong way. Didnt matter how many times I said "yes" to try and get him to get on with it he just waited. Well he eventually said "mmmmmmmmm" oh my god, I thought I was gonna throw my computer at him. He then went on to explain, in very very intricate detail, how he had a month off work. I got very bored and tried to make it clear I was uninterested by just looking away and breathing quite heavily (I didnt really want to say anything) and that I felt like being alone but he would not budge from my bedroom doorway. After what felt like an eternity and after a long uncomfertable silence he slowly left my room closing the door behind him. After that I felt like hitting my head against a wall. I silently screamed and grabbed a knife I have and started to cut my leg. I have no idea why. I have 17 little cuts that hardly bled on my leg and the last 1 was quite deep, I felt it tear and the skin parted. This scared me but it didnt bleed much until I stood up. Now I have a very nasty scab and feel so stupid. I dont want to do it again and why the hell did I do it? I have no idea, I was in a rage. Things are so hard and confusing and I just dont want to live like this. I just want to be normal and be happy. I dont really want to talk now, writing this has made me feel like I did a bit on sunday.
Computer games calm me down so I guess I should play them more :s
Last edited by veryconfused22; 09-05-2007 at 10:00 AM.
Hey VC, do you think that your roommate upset you so much because you just wanted to meet your own needs at that moment and you didn't know how? (And I guess you were probably pretty upset with yourself too?)
He's a great guy really. He can usually cheer me up a bit. The thing is he doesnt know how I feel a lot of the time and we sometimes wind each other up. I don't know if he was doing this to wind me up or I was just being overly sensitive about it but I really wasnt in the mood right then. I never know how to meet my own needs mentally, I can never find anything that interests me really and when I feel bad I just have to wait it out until it passes. Yes I am upset that I hurt myself and that I felt so much hate towards him
Hey VC, tuning in to other times when you don't meet your needs and deciding to meet them would also be good for you. It is great to learn that you can stand up for your needs. It isn't a bad thing at all and so many of us didn't learn this.