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Old 09-03-2007, 01:13 AM   #1
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nabor4life HB User
Thumbs up starting over with my life

hey guys,
i amde up my mind to start over with my life. i do not really know where to start, but i will.
for too long i have been only "existing" instead of living.
i have dropped out of every social activity, because i have been tired and depressed. i have locked myself in my room, i have been reading and writing and playing computer games for too long.

i am tapering from seroxat/paxil now and i feel a lot better now that i am on 10 mg instead of 20 mg. i think this drug has stolen my energy... of course there are people who like paxil and i will not say it is a bad drug. for some people it is a life safer. but not for me. now that i am coming off it i realize how much that drug has harmed my emotions.

i have to boast with that little accomplishment. do not think of me as foolish, okay?
two days ago my friends went to their regulars table to the pub like they always do. i knew they were there and i had been with them years ago. then i stopped going and onee day they stopped asking me to come. two days ago i went there and they looked at me like "eh? you are here?".
i could not drink any beer and they were so loud and cheerful, i feeled a little outside. but nevertheless i stayed. and i feeled good after that.

 
Old 09-03-2007, 01:50 AM   #2
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Capecodgirl74 HB User
Re: starting over with my life

Hello,

I am so happy to hear that you're doing better. I read one of your other posts and was deeply disturbed. My sister went through the same thing and it was a snapshot into her mind. She's been clean of that for about 7 years. Kudos to you for pulling yourself up by the bootstraps (so to speak). It's not an easy road and it is ever present. The more you deny doing bad things, the better you will feel about yourself. Before you know it, life will be sunny again. You are on the right path--keep it up!!

 
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Old 09-03-2007, 03:57 AM   #3
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nabor4life HB User
Re: starting over with my life

thank yor for the encouragement. on what was your sister? is she better now?

i made up my mind. i will try not to think about those things again. becauwse if i do it will just make me unhappy and it will not help anybody.

one thing that keeps me from living my life is the fact that i fear that i am not fun to be around. that keeps me from socializing, because i always want to pretend to be happy and if i cannot pretend i rather stay in my room.
i think i have to leanr that it is okay not to be fun all the time.

 
Old 09-03-2007, 09:41 AM   #4
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Capecodgirl74 HB User
Re: starting over with my life

thank yor for the encouragement. on what was your sister? is she better now?

My sister was on heroin from the ages of 17-21 yrs old. She stole from anything she could from everyone she knew. She even stole and pawned my mother's wedding band. We all had to keep our houses locked up. She would call and beg for money saying she had no food. I would go to the grocery store and leave a bag of food on her front porch. My mother went to her apartment one day, picked her, drove her to my aunt's house in Vermont (3.5 hrs away) and said "don't come home until you're better" (with my aunt's permission, of course). She quit the heroin there, but found other drugs. She decided on her own to move to North Carolina. All by herself--she said she found peace in the mountains. She stayed there for about three years and really cleaned up her act. She built a life from nothing. When my mom brought her to Vermont, she had nothing. By the time she actually came home from North Carolina, she had built a life for herself. She's now 28 and has a two year old daughter. I wish I could tell you it was a COMPLETE success story, but she does still smoke pot. I am not advocating it, but where she came from, to me, that's nothing. I've never seen a pot-head do much harm. Beat someone up with a bag of cheetos? She had been clean of the real scary drugs for about 7 years. She is successful in her work life and has completed her associates degree in college. I am very proud of her for this. I honestly never thought I'd see this day............ I, her oldest sister, have learned a lesson from watching her rebuild. It brings happy tears to my eyes to see what she did for herself. That is why I said in my previous post--the more you do for yourself, the better you'll feel about yourself. You can do it--she did!!

 
Old 09-03-2007, 09:49 AM   #5
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Capecodgirl74 HB User
Re: starting over with my life

one thing that keeps me from living my life is the fact that i fear that i am not fun to be around. that keeps me from socializing, because i always want to pretend to be happy and if i cannot pretend i rather stay in my room.
i think i have to leanr that it is okay not to be fun all the time.

Find things YOU like to do, and you will find friends there. Doing things you think will make others like you is a vicious circle. It will not work long term and you won't feel good about it. Expand your horizons--start deep sea fishing or mountain climbing or something outdoor-sy. I don't mean to tell you what to do. I know what's helped me in the past. I love camping. And theatre. What is there that's fun to do to get you out and about?

 
Old 09-03-2007, 04:47 PM   #6
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Survivor3 HB User
Re: starting over with my life

Quote:
Originally Posted by smeagollives View Post
hey guys,
i amde up my mind to start over with my life. i do not really know where to start, but i will.
for too long i have been only "existing" instead of living.
i have dropped out of every social activity, because i have been tired and depressed. i have locked myself in my room, i have been reading and writing and playing computer games for too long.
Look into cognitive behavioral therapy. If you are a regular reader of posts here, you will notice consistent top notch results. Many of us are getting off meds with cbt. I'm not minimizing willpower in any way, but try this out.

 
Old 09-04-2007, 10:00 AM   #7
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Sannah HB UserSannah HB User
Re: starting over with my life

Quote:
Originally Posted by smeagollives View Post
one thing that keeps me from living my life is the fact that i fear that i am not fun to be around.

i think i have to leanr that it is okay not to be fun all the time.
Hey Smeag, good work! You have come to a very valuable conclusion here! You have to be yourself and if you aren't feeling happy so be it.

 
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