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Old 09-03-2007, 06:23 PM   #1
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karen51 HB User
Question Since getting better, unable to forgive abandonment

Since 2 years ago when my nightmare began or really just escalating, my friends dropped out of site like roaches in the light. Especially my very best friend from high school. One girl still calls me but it feels more like nosyness. People have agreed to call, get together, but nothing.

I want to feel better, I want to forgive. It is their turn to be a friend!!! With my family, I have to make the effort, because I want to have peace when we are all together. I do want to rekindle my friendships, but I guess I am just still angry or something.

What is your take on this??

Love you all,

karen51

 
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Old 09-03-2007, 08:21 PM   #2
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trg247 HB Usertrg247 HB Usertrg247 HB User
Re: Since getting better, unable to forgive abandonment

Hi:

I don't see the importance of rebuilding relationships with people who abandoned you in your time of need, my friends who left when I was sick will remain that way...gone. A friend to me is someone who will be there through the good and the bad. If it was me it would be good ridance. Family is different as you don't choose them and no matter the relationship everyone wants that connection.

take care
trg247
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Major Depressive Disorder With Psychotic Features
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Borderline Personality Disorder
Generalized Anxiety Disorder

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Old 09-03-2007, 08:47 PM   #3
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karen51 HB User
Wink Re: Since getting better, unable to forgive abandonment

Thanks trg,

I know, it is a struggle for some reason to me I guess. Probably because I don't work and have too much time to think about every single thing!!

If my friend tries to make it up to me I would be willing, but I am sure not holding my breath. You would think she might consider a friendship since teenage years would be worth giving herself to a little. She has plenty of time for her air head friends.

Thanks for your thoughts and I agree with you.

 
Old 09-04-2007, 10:41 AM   #4
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Sannah HB UserSannah HB User
Re: Since getting better, unable to forgive abandonment

Hi Karen, is it time to make some new friends then?

 
Old 09-04-2007, 03:18 PM   #5
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karen51 HB User
Unhappy Re: Since getting better, unable to forgive abandonment

Yes Sannah,

I just wish things were different with my long time friend. It is also hard to find friends, for me anyway, if you are not out and about much. When you are not working and have about 10 dollars a week, that limits my activities.

I do get out, even to the library lately. I don't have much luck. I am outgoing and not afraid to speak to strangers. I guess it would be good if I could find a church, I need that in my life. I just seem to find reasons not to go.

Since I have gotten older, I mainly seem to make friends where I work. So I am hoping that I will find a job soon!!!

 
Old 09-05-2007, 09:36 AM   #6
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Sannah HB UserSannah HB User
Re: Since getting better, unable to forgive abandonment

Quote:
Originally Posted by karen51 View Post
I guess it would be good if I could find a church, I need that in my life. I just seem to find reasons not to go.
Karen, are the reasons not to go fear of rejection by chance? I am so glad that you are going out to the library. Are there any groups that you are interested in (Sierra Club, etc)? How about volunteer opportunities?

 
Old 09-05-2007, 10:40 PM   #7
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Unhappy Re: Since getting better, unable to forgive abandonment

Dear Sannah,

I don't think it is fear of rejection, more my guilty feelings over the bad things I have done the last few years. I was raised in a strict Southern Baptist home, which is similar to the way Catholics are taught I am told.

You are laden with guilt and once a Nun asked me if I had asked forgiveness for getting a divorce!!! Ha!!!!!!!!!!

I guess I feel like a hypocrit. I know we are not perfect and there are no perfect people in this world. I also have mixed feelings about organized religion. I do not care for the Southern Baptist way. I do not need to be told how sinful and bad I am. That does not help my depression or self esteem at all.

I do not stay at the library very long. I am having trouble finding any social outlet. Once I said I would scream if one more therapist told me to go volunteer somewhere! LOL. I keep thinking I will get a job and I would have to quit and I do not want to let anyone else down. Does that make sense?

karen51

 
Old 09-05-2007, 11:02 PM   #8
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MaggieMay78 HB User
Re: Since getting better, unable to forgive abandonment

Hi Karen,

I am new here, but have suffered from depression and anxiety for several years now. I saw your post about feeling abandoned, and I can definitely relate.

In some ways, I see this as a positive thing...my difficult time has helped me weed out those who i thought were my "friends", but really weren't so loyal after all. Now...I also went through a period of wondering, did I drive them away? Was I just really too much of a burden? But...after careful deliberation, I realize that most of the friends I've lost really weren't that great, and it's NOT my fault. I spent a lot of time being there for them, whenever they needed me...sure, I wasn't a PERFECT friend, but who is?! Long story short, I am sad that I've lost them, but in a way I am also happy that I've learned who my REAL friends are now...and I've freed myself of those who weren't true friends in the first place.

As for volunteering...honestly, there really ARE so many great opportunities out there! I don't mean to sound like Pollyanna here...but seriously, when I volunteer, it really makes me feel better about myself. And you're more likely to meet compassionate, understanding friends in a volunteer setting. If they weren't caring people, they probably wouldn't be volunteering in the first place! There are seriously sooo many different things you can do...whether it involves work with animals, the environment, the elderly, children, tutoring, etc.

Anyway, I wish you the best of luck in either rekindling your friendships (if you feel that's good for you), or in coming to terms with the fact they may have never been "friends" in the first place. A lot of us lose friends during hard times...sadly, it's all too common. But as I said, for now, I'm just viewing it as a wake-up call...I have seen the true colors of those who abandoned me, and I no longer have to devote so much energy to them! Instead, I can focus it on the small number of friends I have left, and on making new ones!!

-Meg

 
Old 09-06-2007, 10:48 AM   #9
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Sannah HB UserSannah HB User
Re: Since getting better, unable to forgive abandonment

Karen, you know yourself really well and I can tell by your writing that you have thought about many things in life. There are liberal churches like the Universalists.

 
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