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Old 09-06-2007, 10:30 AM   #1
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penny_arcade HB User
new here. not sure what to do.

hi. i'm new to the forums.

i'm 27 years old and 7 months ago i had a total hysterectomy due to stage 4 endometriosis. i am on bioidentical hormone replacement therapy. levels have been tested and they are fine. not suffering from any hormone swings that i can tell.

today i'm barely making it. i'm at work but i can't focus. it has been days since i've been productive. i forget everything. i cannot stand to be around people and i would like to go home, get in bed and never get back out. my back hurts all the time from what i guess is tension. i hate everything and i cannot imagine a time when i won't or didn't but i'm sure those times existed.

i'm on wellbutrin 300mg. been over 3 months. it no longer does anything but cause me to be irritable.

i have an appointment to see my doc tomorrow. i have been on almost every medication known to mankind. i'm fed up. i've not been this miserable in a very, very long time. i wish i could run away but there is no place far enough. there is nowhere to go.

i was thinking of trying cymbalta but i read all these horror stories. (withdrawal and gaining 30 pounds etc.) if it's anything like lexapro i'd rather stand in front of a bus.

thinking of 5-HTP but i don't exactly have the luxury of time to play with medication.

if you have any advice i'd like to hear it. i'm not sure how i'll get through today. tomorrow isn't even on the radar. it's down to minute by minute now. i went outside to attempt to go somewhere for lunch and upon seeing people everywhere i just went back inside. i feel like everyone can tell...paranoid i guess.

 
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Old 09-06-2007, 10:42 AM   #2
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Sannah HB UserSannah HB User
Re: new here. not sure what to do.

Hi Penny, welcome, are you mourning the loss of being able to have children?

 
Old 09-06-2007, 10:50 AM   #3
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penny_arcade HB User
Re: new here. not sure what to do.

i'm going to therapy for various reasons. one is to help me deal with my new life. i never wanted children though. it's a very strange feeling of mourning that's less about kids and more about mortality.

i should have said earlier. i've had depression for 13 years. i've been on and off of countless drugs. today is just particularly bad.

 
Old 09-06-2007, 11:02 AM   #4
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Sannah HB UserSannah HB User
Re: new here. not sure what to do.

I have heard of people having to mourn a change in their bodies. Anything happen lately or feelings that you have been having which would cause you to feel particularly bad today?

 
Old 09-06-2007, 11:11 AM   #5
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penny_arcade HB User
Re: new here. not sure what to do.

nothing that i'm aware of. it's been creeping up slowly and i guess it just came to a head today. i just feel really overwhelmed. joyless. sad. angry. tired. etc. all the lovely things depression makes you feel.

i made an appt for tomorrow. i have emergency meds but they are at home and that's where i'm headed. i just can't work today. i keep hoping at night when i go to sleep that i will wake up and feel better. i hope it's just a transitory thing or some kind of rough patch. i'm always sad when i wake up and feel the same or worse.

for the first emotion of the day to be sadness and regret i think is pretty bad.

 
Old 09-06-2007, 11:23 AM   #6
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Join Date: Oct 2006
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Sannah HB UserSannah HB User
Re: new here. not sure what to do.

Have you been working on some tough stuff in therapy?

 
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